


Fate of the Master

by jairyn



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anisoka, F/M, Gray Jedi, Jedi, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Sith, The Daughter - Freeform, The Son - Freeform, mortis gods, the Father - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 00:41:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 83,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15303663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: For the first time in sixteen years, Ahsoka Tano is face to face with her master whom she’d long thought was dead. Except, his voice was coming from a horrible black suit and he was nothing like she remembered. What had happened to him? How had he turned? And was it possible to save him?After promising not to leave him, he tried to kill her. Her fight to redeem him will take her deep into the darkness as she struggles to understand and survive this perilous new world and discover secrets about destiny and the force she could never have imagined.





	1. Chapter 1

The explosion rocked the temple as they each dove in opposite directions to avoid getting hit by the heavy stones now raining down on them. Even with the insulating protection of his helmet, the sound was deafening. For long moments following the initial collapse he couldn’t hear anything. The dusty smoke and ash swirled around him as he ran awkwardly to the edge of the room seeking cover. He couldn’t make her out in the chaos, but he could sense she was still alive.

He coughed as dirt and debris was sucked into the hole she’d cut in his mask and was now interfering with his respiratory system. He needed to get back to his ship and into his hermetically sealed chamber so he could repair his suit. For years, he’d felt it was indestructible; that nobody that dared fight him would ever get close enough to do any real damage to it. The only person alive that once matched his power was nowhere to be found. He’d let his guard down, it wouldn’t happen again. Somewhere in her quick movements, she’d sidestepped his impregnable defenses as if he’d been merely swinging a practice saber.

The heads-up display in the remaining eye socket homed in on movement. He blinked to zoom in and could just make out the top of her montrals as she slunk slowly, low to the ground behind a large stone. Glancing around to make sure there was no other immediate danger, he stood up as quickly as he could and clenched his robotic hand into a fist. She gasped in surprise and her eyes widened as he sidestepped the rock and came into her field of vision.

He held her up in the air with the force like she weighed nothing. The invisible choking hold slowly stealing the life from her. It was time to finish this, he could not have any reminders of who he used to be. The path forward was nothing but blood and destruction and he was glad of it. He was glad to not have to think, to feel, to fear… Skywalker had been weak, but Vader was strong. Vader was ruthless and cunning, merciless and… powerful. He smirked into the mouthpiece of his helmet, putting more pressure into his grip of the force. He watched her squirm and struggle under his power. He could feel her fear… he could feel her life force fading. She twitched and shuddered, gulping for air. It would all be over soon. But as he watched her trying to claw free from invisible hands through one red lens and one with no filter, memories of Padmé flooded his brain with more intensity than a thermal detonator; seeing her struggling for air, her pregnant belly causing her to sway awkwardly as she groped at nothing. Rage overwhelmed him; anger, hatred… and then something else… remorse?

He dropped his clenched hand just as Ahsoka’s body stilled; gulping down his pain, trying to restore Vader to the foreground. What had just happened? How had Anakin risen inside him? His weakness and compassion should have been crushed ages ago! From his knees where he’d fallen he looked up at Ahsoka’s splayed body, unmoving where he had dropped her. He felt a burning pain, sadness, in his chest. Why could he still feel the unworthy worm inside him? How had he risen through so many layers of conditioned defenses?

He stumbled clumsily towards her; crawling through the mess on all fours like an animal. He reached out one gloved, mechanical hand to touch her lekku before he could stop himself, surprising himself with the tenderness. Though he could not physically feel her pulse, he could feel her life force steadily regaining strength. She was still alive! He hadn’t succeeded!

He rocked back to a kneeling position and grabbed her hands trying to pull her to a sitting position. He cursed his mechanical limbs and how hard they made his movement. He almost dropped her trying to turn her so she was sitting with her back against one knee. He held her stiffly, unable to subtly shift her to a more comfortable position like a normal human would have been able to. He held her with his left hand around her shoulders and his right gently caressing her face.

“I’m so sorry, Ahsoka.” He breathed with difficulty. “I’m so sorry.” He repeated as he rocked her still body. Somewhere in the back of his brain he knew the emperor would punish him for this show of weakness, but for the moment, he didn’t care. The emperor, the empire, the Sith, the whole galaxy, for that matter, felt light years away. For a precious few moments, he could forget them; forget everything, except the Togruta in his arms. 

She’d grown so much since he’d last seen her. Even unconscious, a power surrounded her he’d never witnessed before. She’d always been powerful, that was never a question; reckless, impulsive, fearless… and ready to follow him into anything the war dished out. That was his Snips. But now the power lived under the surface; flowing from her in the form of quiet confidence and acceptance. Whatever had happened to her in the last sixteen years had forced her to mature, to adapt and to survive. He found himself suddenly wishing he’d been there to see it; he knew he’d have stood by full of pride, ready to leap to her defense at any moment. This was all his fault.

She stirred in his arms, sleepily trying to reach her face and rub her eyes. “Anakin?” She murmured, blinking sluggishly a few times. 

“I’m here,” he whispered hoarsely, fighting the sudden wave of emotions. 

“Anakin,” she said again. “Oh… my Anakin…” her voice was dreamlike as she fought for consciousness again. Her Anakin? His heart leapt in his chest, jubilant and full of feelings he’d long since locked down. How could she care about him so much? He tried desperately to clamp his pattering heart. When she was fully awake again, she would not be so forgiving; she would remember what he’d tried to do. He took her arms and lifted her so she was perched on his knee. Her head lolled slightly as she tried to wake up. “Anakin? Is that really you?” She said, some vigor returning to her voice.

“Yes.” He croaked as her hand reached up to touch his helmet. He held his breath as her other one reached up to take hold of it in both hands. 

“Why are you hiding from me?” Her words slurred slightly as if she’d been drinking Corellian whiskey. He could feel his cheeks becoming damp, but he dared not move. He just held her unable to pull away. He knew she would try to remove his helmet the rest of the way. Could his heart take it? She fumbled for a few moments with the magnetic clasps, but despite her sullied state, it came loose with a release of air. His heart was racing now. He wanted to stop her, but he could not. For some reason… he had to know if she could still love the scarred and broken face that lived in that helmet; the one that struggled to breathe, the shadow of what he’d once been.

She pulled off the top of his helmet with one hand, the other on his shoulder to keep herself steady… and she looked at him. She was the first living being outside his attendants to see his face since he’d first been put in that suit. He was ashamed, he wanted to look away, to spare himself the inevitable look of horror in her eyes, but when she dropped the helmet he looked up before he could stop himself, surprised to find instead of horror or even pity, love. Her hands traced the sides of his bumpy face. She caressed it with such tenderness, he could only weep. Then to his surprise, she stood up and leaned forward and kissed him gently on the top of his head. 

“My love,” she said, in Togrutan. Had he known she spoke the language of her ancestors? He’d never heard her do it before… not that he could recall anyways. Maybe she was afraid of what she was feeling? Maybe she’d hoped he didn’t understand her?

He stood up, lifting her with him, her arms fell comfortably around his neck piece as he embraced her around the waist and pulled her close, slightly to the side so none of his chest buttons were pushed. She gazed adoringly at his misshapen face as if she could still see the handsome one it had once been. “I’ve always loved you.” She said steadily. How had he not known? His mind wandered to Padmé and he realized… because he’d only had eyes for her, he could never see anyone else. Yet, no matter how hard he’d held onto his wife, this annoying little Togruta girl had wormed her way into his heart too. He’d always known he was attached to her, of course, he’d just never realized how much. He’d been so blind; he’d distracted himself so completely, especially after she left, that the possibility that she could love him had eluded him. If he had Padmé, a romantic relationship with anyone else was out of the question.

His arms dropped to his side and she slid back to the ground, but she refused to let him go and snaked her arms around his back leaning into his chest. He was tired. He no longer lacked the strength to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions as they bombarded him one right after another like the unrelenting blaster bolts of the old battle droids. He dropped again to his knees as if his robotic limbs were failing him. Stronger than ever she caught his weight as she too lowered herself down. He leaned into her like she was his only strength. And she held fast to him as if she understood how hard this was for him. Her face was up in the crook of his neck cuddled as close as she could get with his bulky armor.

“Ahsoka,” he breathed raggedly, grasping for her body as if she needed to be closer still. He looked at her at last as she pulled away enough to gaze up at him. He leaned in for the kiss, acutely aware that the respirator that jutted forward could easily stab her in the neck. Somehow, she managed to navigate the minefield of heavy machinery around his lips and they collided at last. She pulled him closer as she weaved her arms around his neck. It had been forever ago in memories since he’d tasted something so sweet. His lips were glued to her like she was his life support now. He wanted to hold her forever; to taste everything she was and everything she would be. But as their kiss went on, he started gasping for air.

They broke apart; he coughed and wheezed, pushing his mouth downward to force the bottom half of his helmet to give him air. She leaned the side of her head onto his shoulder, her elbow resting in his hand. Waiting patiently for his breathing to return to normal. She rubbed the pleather material covering his arm and began to slide her hand back up to his face, he caught her wrist. His senses returning as if somehow part of the air his suit provided. 

“Ahsoka, stop.” He said harshly. “We can’t do this. It’s wrong.” She pulled away, hurt written across her face.

“Love is never wrong.” She replied indignantly.

“Jedi aren’t allowed to love.” He said angrily. “Love is pain, pain leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” He spoke quickly so she couldn’t interrupt him. 

She stood too and stepped towards him, repeating her earlier sentiment with less venom, “I’m no Jedi.” She tried to reach up to touch his face again, but he stepped away.

“Don’t do this.” He said stiffly. He picked up his helmet from where she’d discarded it before. “I’m not who you want me to be. Anakin is dead. He must remain that way. He is not who I am anymore.” She shivered visibly as if his words lowered the temperature in the room. He put his helmet back on his head, latching it securely once again and breathing deep. She reached for it, shaking her head.

“No…” she whispered, “Anakin… don’t leave me. Don’t do this! Not again.” He caught both her wrists and she struggled to get free as if her very life depended on removing his helmet. It very well might, he breathed in the oxygen from his suit again. His hands tightened on her wrists as Vader returned to the forefront. He felt nothing as she struggled in his arms. He looked at her defiantly.

“The emperor will not be pleased that I showed you mercy,” the cool, emptiness in his voice returning as he continued as if simply stating facts, “go now, and do not come back.” He threw her arms down and turned on his heels, cape billowing behind him.

His stride was long, but she caught up to him anyways, reaching out and catching his arm, “no.” She said simply. He stopped and she slid her arm through his. “I’m going with you. Wherever you go.” He looked down at her assessing and then he pulled away from her and continued walking. 

She ran until she was in front of him and he stopped again, looking her up and down. “Don’t make me kill you,” he growled, pulling his lightsaber from his belt. But even though he could skewer her before she had time to react, she stepped boldly within range and grabbed his arm again.

“I’m coming with you.” It wasn’t a request. “You’ll just have to tell the emperor you found a recruit.” He looked down at her again, so young still, so naïve… so trusting. As if she could not possibly fathom the wretchedness that awaited her; the torture she would have to endure before the emperor would be convinced of her loyalty to him, if he ever would. 

“You don’t want to do this.” He breathed. “Trust me.”

“As a matter of fact, I do.” She snipped. “I’m not a Jedi, but I know where to find some. For a place at your side, I’ll give you anything you want. Now let’s go find this emperor of yours.” She raised the arm that wasn’t wrapped around his in an ‘onward’ gesture. He started limping along with her by his side wondering why he was letting her come along. His mind buzzed with how to protect her from herself, let alone the emperor. He’d tried to warn her, but she refused to listen. Would she really join the dark side so easily? Did he want her too? Even as Vader, he liked having her on his arm; there was something oddly soothing about her presence. As if she could tame the monsters inside of him and bring the screaming dragon to its knees. She’d already done it twice as if he’d never built defenses rather than take sixteen years to carefully construct them. But no, she’d smashed through them in seconds, like the separatist battle tanks.

He stole a sideways glance at her. She wasn’t a child anymore. Her lekku came down to her waist, her montrals higher, but she was still tiny compared to him. He’d always been tall, but now the mechanical appendages exaggerated his height, the bulky suit with all its life sustaining apparatus made him bulkier. He was fearsome to behold. Most that faced him, even the officers that he directed, would cower before him. And yet here stood a small Togruta woman full of fire, passion, a quick tongue and a gigantic heart, that could not be made to fear him. If there was one thing in the galaxy he could be thankful for, despite everything that had happened, it was that he’d never let Obi wan tame her. In her, he’d seen a flame so intense it could light the world on fire. But in her eagerness to please, to be accepted, all those years ago, Obi wan would have snuffed it out; quoting rules and procedure until she’d become as interesting as a rock.

The Jedi had only really cared about one thing; obeying without question. In many ways, they were worse slavers than the Hutts; taking children from their parents and turning them into submissive zombies devoid of feelings, sense, and personality. Raising them to be machines of war, fighters without par, save for the Sith. And then dismissing them if they dared disagree with their methods. He saw the Jedi for what they truly were; cold, unfeeling overseers, bent only on saving face in the eyes of the republic. 

He squashed the rise of anger. It was pointless to let it bother him now. The Jedi were nearly extinct. The republic a waste. In its place, the Empire; that Emperor Sidious had carefully constructed from the ruins of a failed democracy. He’d chipped away what brought it down and sculpted a government of action. No more endless senate debates. A dictated instruction, followed by seamless execution. The people of the galaxy were lucky to have such a wise leader. If only they were more appreciative of the peace it brought.


	2. Chapter 2

TIE fighters weren’t designed for two people, but she was small enough, they could survive the trip without knocking elbows. She sat quietly in the corner. The silence broken only by the click of the buttons as he started the ship and set the nav-computer for Mustafar. He tried to watch her out of the corner of his eye, he wanted to see if she was regretting her decision to come along, but she appeared to be calm; her fingers fiddled nearly undetectably with the hilt of one of her lightsabers. He hadn’t even realized she’d picked them up at some point before they left. The fact that she was armed and behind him made him feel guarded and on edge. But did he really think she’d try to kill him after everything she’d said? He looked up at her face, as the ship leapt into hyperspace. Her eyes were closed, her expression neutral. Touching her lightsaber must purely be an instinctual thing while meditating for her now. 

He didn’t feel her trying to read him, but he wished he knew what she was thinking. Especially when he saw the tiniest twitch of her lips as if about to smile. If she felt him watching her, she never acknowledged it. He was jealous of her calm. How could she be so at ease in the shadows of such darkness, power and pain? Part of him wanted to scream at her, to warn her to turn back. The dark side was cold, chaotic, and dangerous beyond reason. But the other side of him admired her courage, feeling the power radiate from her. Only suffering and death awaited her in the hands of the emperor, yet she sat here, surrounded by the maelstrom as if peace was all she could know.

It occurred to him just as they came out of hyperspace and into the orbit of the lava planet below; perhaps there were more dangerous things than darkness. 

—

The ship landed without incident, Ahsoka disembarked the vessel calm and quietly. Vader grabbed her roughly by the arm and half dragged her inside the fortress. She didn’t fight him. In the moments since she’d left Malachor behind, since she’d agreed to team up with Vader, there had been no thought to what the future held. All that mattered to her was that somewhere deep inside that horrendous black suit… deep inside that raspy monster, her master was still alive. And she would do whatever it took to free him from the slavery of evil. Whether Vader wanted to admit it or not, Anakin lived closer to the surface than he realized; closer even since they’d met again hours ago. If she could bring him out, the emperor could never keep his hold on him. Anakin must be unleashed again. 

Vader pushed her forward hard into a cell. She turned and looked up at him, unable to read the face behind the mask. He barked an order to the droid that greeted him, “set up the torture room, we have a guest!” She watched him go. She didn’t fear torture; nothing could break her more than the years of mourning already had.

As the droid exited, the room fell silent. Ahsoka breathed in all the hate, pain and anger that lingered on every surface of this place. “Oh Anakin…” she murmured to herself. She took a lap around the cell perimeter, noting every notch and chip. She felt her lightsabers still dangling from her belt and wondered why he hadn’t taken them from her. Isn’t it customary to disarm prisoners? It either meant he knew they would be useless in trying to escape, or… perhaps he wanted her to.

Vader was an enigma. On one hand, he appeared to be the cold, ruthless murderer that everyone claimed he was. But on the other hand, even as the tender Anakin had faded from her view, he still tried to warn her. To convince her not to come to the dark side. It was almost as if he was perfectly aware of how horrible it was and did not wish others to share his fate. Which… confused her… to say the least.

The Jedi had always taught that the Sith cannot feel compassion; that once they turn, they’re lost from the light forever. Lost… as though they could no longer tell right from wrong, good from bad… but Vader knew. So had Ventress and Dooku. The difference was they believed in the other side. It churned her stomach to think about. The Sith agents she’d faced throughout her lifetime had been evil, daring and powerful, but none of them had acted mindlessly or without reason. Could it be, that the dark side offered a clarity that the light side could not? She didn’t want to believe it, but now as she held the bars of this cage, she could not ignore the glaring questions that rose in her demanding answers.

Ventress had helped her when the Jedi had turned their back on her. She hadn’t exactly been good again, but she had demonstrated compassion. She’d been so eager to believe that Ventress had double-crossed her before her trial, when in truth, Ventress had been set up just as she had. Was it conditioning that had made her so quick to assume that Ventress had been to blame? She certainly would have believed her more capable of such atrocities than Bariss. But the reason she had trusted Ventress in the first place was because she’d felt her intentions. She too had been cast aside, and like Ahsoka, now had to find her place in the galaxy while leaving everything she’d ever known behind. 

She recalled a story that Obi wan had once told; when captured on Geonosis the first time, he claimed that Dooku had told him that the Sith Lord they’d been looking for was right in front of their noses. Anakin had gotten angry at the story, but now that she looked back… Dooku had told Obi Wan the truth. When telling the story, Obi wan had been convinced that Dooku was lying and it had made her believe that the enemy would only ever trick you. But what if Count Dooku had in fact understood the danger of the dark side, and knew that if the Jedi fought with him, the evil could not win? After all, he’d once been a Jedi.

Perhaps there was more than just light and dark. She could not excuse the horrible suffering they had unleashed on the galaxy, but she was suddenly certain that there was more to what was going on than the Jedi vs. the Sith. 

—

Vader knelt stiffly in front of the holoterminal. Bowing his head as the cloaked transparent blue image of lord Sidious flickered into view. 

“Vader,” Sidious hissed. “Did you retrieve the artifact?”

“No, my master.” Vader cringed expecting his wrath. 

“Why not?” The hologram growled.

“The boy escaped Malachor with the help of Skywalker’s apprentice.”

“I trust you at least finished her?”

“No master. She wanted to join us.”

“Join us?!” Sidious bellowed, “what kind of trickery is this?”

“I sensed no dishonesty in her request. It was quite earnest.” Vader said carefully.

“Hmmm…” Sidious paused for a moment. 

“She offered information; location of other Jedi, intel on the rebels.” Vader continued.

“That is interesting,” Sidious said conspiratorially, “well then, torture her. Find out what she knows, and then destroy her! As long as she lives, Skywalker is still a threat.” The hologram flickered away and Vader was left again in darkness. He had warned her, had he not? But he’d assumed his master would put her through many trials before he decided her fate. He should have expected that would not be the case.

—

Darth Vader returned awhile later. “Time for lesson number one.” He said coldly, with… disappointment in his voice? He unlocked the cell door and again grabbed her arm and dragged her down the hallway. As if that was necessary, she had yet to resist him. Maybe it was for his own peace of mind to think he was in control of the situation. He still had not disarmed her. She could easily slice his arm off, if she wanted. But she didn’t. For better or worse, she was going to follow through. She had to know the truth. If she would have any hope of saving Anakin, she must endure what he had. What he still does. She didn’t truly want to give him the information on the rebellion or the few remaining Jedi she’d found, even though she’d offered it to him. She’d hoped that her ploy to join them would be a greater distraction from the information she possessed. Or better yet, that she could release Anakin before the information was passed on to Emperor Sidious.

They came into a crudely lit room full of all manner of horrific tools. A lone slanted table in the center with, Jedi restraints, she noticed. Many Jedi had died in this room. She could feel the oppressive weight of their suffering. She may no longer be a Jedi by title, but she still possessed their powers. She was still a threat. And the way things were going, she was the next to die here. Not if I can help it, she thought. He pushed her back against the table, hooking her arms and legs into the restraints as a terrifying probe droid hovered into view with all sorts of needles and syringes full of unknown substances. She tried to swallow down her rising panic. What had she gotten herself into? Her whole plan had been to get through to Anakin, but would she live long enough to do that?

He summoned her lightsabers from her belt and locked them in a wooden box on the table in the corner. She was starting to regret this decision. As long as he’d let her keep her lightsabers, she felt as though she might survive this, but now… she wasn’t so sure. Any sign that Anakin still lived inside this monster had vanished. Would she be able to bring him back out? Behind his fixed mask may as well have been a void. If that helmet sat firmly on his head, there was no hope for him. As far as she was concerned, it was poisonous; as if the Sith Lord had somehow laced it with a chemical that made him forget who he was. She could not believe that Anakin would do any of these awful things willingly. She knew better than most the darkness that had lived in him long before he’d ever become Vader. But those things were only ever unleashed on the enemy… not his friends. She gulped down the realization that from where he stood now, she WAS the enemy. “Force help me,” she whispered to herself. She had not thought this through. 

Vader turned on her and she instinctively drew back against the table. The red eye sockets of his mask, menacing in the dim light. She’d been so blinded by what he’d used to be, she could not see him as what he was now and he was terrifying.

She took a few steadying breaths preparing for the questions about the rebellion and her friends. But when he reached his hand out to force his way into her mind, she was unprepared for his first question.

“Why are you here?” She quickly tried to clamp down on him. He’d tried mind tricks on her in the past to teach her to resist them, but he was so much more powerful now. She could feel his darkness seeping through her defenses. 

“For truth.” She replied through gritted teeth. It wasn’t a lie… she pushed back on him just as he had taught her. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk, she just didn’t want him in her head while she did. He seemed to effortlessly sidestep her mental barriers and dug in deeper. She squirmed. It felt like he was ripping her mind in half to get his claws on her soul. 

“I see.” He was emotionless. He released his hold on her mind, and she gasped. Breathing heavily to recover her strength. She looked up at him. What exactly had he seen?

Just as she had rebuilt her mental wall, he forced in again. The scream escaped her lips before she could contain it. It felt like he was digging around in her skull, clawing at her brain like an animal might a corpse. Resist, resist, resist… she tried to repeat. There was a sharp pinpoint somewhere far away, then she felt sluggish like a weight was being put down on her. No, she tried to cry out, but she only managed to drool. Her blood felt like it was on fire, but she was no longer sure what hurt more. Resist, resist, resist…

—-

Vader watched her twist and squirm. Hours passed as he repeatedly pushed into her mind. Even drugged, he could not get much from her. How was she resisting? He’d put the maximum dosage of the drug into her system before it was lethal, yet still, the pathways of her mind stayed dark and empty. There was only one thing he saw in it. Skywalker. She had come for him. He overturned a table of tools in the corner. The emperor had been right. As long as she lived, Skywalker was a threat. He hadn’t told his master that she’d pulled him out. He hadn’t been willing to admit such weakness. He pushed a button on the side of the torture table sending electricity through her in pulses. She screamed in agony, as the drugs faded from her system. 

“Tell me,” he demanded. Grabbing her jaw and gripping it with such intensity that he probably could have broken it. “Tell me why!”

Her head rolled to the side as she tried to find the strength to look up at him. “Because I love him,” she slurred before passing out. He kicked the table nearly hitting her in the shin and stormed out of the room. 

“Impossible!” He said to himself. “Impossible!” He growled again. “Skywalker is dead!” He yelled in the empty room. It echoed all around him. “Skywalker is dead.” He choked out, falling to his knees in the middle of the giant foyer. When calmer, after a few minutes, he looked across the gap at the window casting an orange red pattern across the floor where he knelt. He reached up to remove the top half of his helmet and then thought better of it. He had the sudden urge to rip it all off him. But he knew it would be a death sentence for sure. “I’m not weak.” He said aloud. “Love is weak. Love is pain. Love cannot be allowed to win.” He strode back to the torture room. 

He was in and out of that room, drugging her, torturing her, hurting her. But he couldn’t break her. Anakin had trained her too well. Finally, he released her from the restraints and dragged her back to the cell to rot, while he went off to do his master’s bidding on Lothal. Snuff out a few rebels, overturn the weak leadership, choke some despicable scum… things that would help him feel like Vader again. And when he returned, he would get the information from her, and then he would kill her. Yes, her death would stop the poison dart from spreading. Skywalker would be finished, once and for all.


	3. Chapter 3

Ahsoka curled herself into a fetal position on the cold metal floor of the cell that Vader had dragged her back to. She was exhausted. How long had he been torturing her? How much time had passed? Her head pounded, her vision was blurry. What has he turned you into? She thought. Every system in her body felt off. She tried to reach for the force to find some peace only to draw back as a sharp pain rippled through her skull. Drifting in and out of consciousness, she had no real recollection of any information he might have gotten from her. She hoped her friends were safe, especially Rex. He’d survived too much, to die by the hands of his general. But Anakin wasn’t his general anymore. She wasn’t sure what he was.

She felt numb. As if nothing in her life had any purpose anymore. She’d fought so hard during the clone wars, believing that every battle brought the Republic closer to victory; that every victory would save countless lives. After the Jedi purge, she’d struggled to find footing and meaning, until she’d stumbled along people she could help. To face the true outcome in the eyes of every person she met had made the conflict in the galaxy so much more real to her than slicing in half countless battle droids. It had been hard for her to swallow that there really was no victory in war. There was victory in battle, but not war. Battles could swing one way or another depending who out powered who. Anakin, her, Rex and the rest of torrent company, had constantly shifted the tide against all odds. But as she looked back on all of it now… what had been the point? The Republic had fallen. The war lost. So many innocent people lost homes, lost loved ones, lost beliefs… lost everything. And the Jedi were just as much responsible for that as the separatists were; for engaging in the war. For becoming agents of destruction rather than remaining the peacekeepers they’d sworn to be. Republic or Separatist victory, it didn’t matter; the people still lost.

Her cheeks burned with shame. She’d had to make sense of what had happened through tidbits of news from a variety of sources. But no matter how much she’d pieced together, it still didn’t make much sense. She’d been on Mandalore when the war came crashing down. There had been no warning, just a desperate fight to survive. The rumors that had flown around her had been too much to bear; the Jedi accused of treason and sentenced to death for attempting to overthrow the chancellor, the clones turning on their Jedi generals, then worse, claiming they’d had no control over their actions. Rex had later confirmed the rumors about chips in their heads. But, hadn’t the Jedi supposedly been the ones to commission the clones’ creation? Why would they stick something in their head to make their ally turn against them? She may have had many disagreements with the council, but she could not believe they would purposely construct such a grand plot, especially at such a horrendous cost. Normally, she’d have easily blamed the separatists. But the separatists hadn’t really won either. The droids had been shut down, count Dooku had been killed, along with Grievous… and rising in the place of the Republic and the Separatist alliance, was this new entity that no one could have predicted. Whatever had happened had been bigger than either side. And nothing really made sense to her anymore. Were they all just pawns? She’d left the Jedi order feeling as though she’d been one for them. But maybe all the Jedi, and all the Sith, the clones, Grievous, Ventress, Dooku, Vader… maybe they’d all been pawns. And we all played our game of sabacc, right into the Emperor’s hands. 

Ahsoka rolled onto her stomach and tried to push up from the ground with shaky arms. She could feel that Vader was gone. Now was her chance. She wanted truth, and she was going to find it. She clenched her jaw through the residual pain as she reached into the force for her lightsabers. She’d watched Anakin throw his and control it, even turn it on and off without holding it; but he never knew that she had learned how too. She could feel them now, calling to her from the box in the other room. She manipulated the force and ignited them, slowly spinning them until they cut through their container. With her other hand, she removed the top of the box and then reached with invisible force to pull them towards her until she could hear them humming outside the cell door. She twisted them in her mind so they cut a rectangular hole in the bars. The bars fell free with loud clanging that echoed up and down the hallway.

She stood, catching the lightsabers in her hands, feeling a bit more in control now. Their familiar weight felt good. She slipped through the hole she’d just cut and sprinted down the hallway. Her bones ached, her muscles screamed at her. But she didn’t know how long he would be gone or how long it would take to find the answers she sought. She wished she could just ask him but even Anakin had been difficult to get answers out of, Vader would probably be even worse, that was, IF he even let her stay conscious enough to ask questions.

She sprinted through the fortress unsure exactly what she was looking for, but letting her instincts guide her. Keeping her ears open for the droid, or droids, she investigated as much of the place as she could. It didn’t appear to be too well defended, but then again, Anakin had always been good at upgrading seemingly useless things. Who knew what traps awaited her? But as she searched for hours, she encountered no resistance. Could Vader truly be that complacent? Or that confident that no one would dare sneak into his home? Or just like before when he hadn’t disarmed her, was he allowing her to escape? It seemed unlikely considering how much time and effort he’d put into torturing her, that he’d just want her to get up and walk out the door. It’s almost as though he keeps giving her the chance to change her mind about being here.

Finally, she stumbled upon what must be his personal chambers. It was sparse, no decorations, minimal furnishings. Simple, necessities. A bacta tank in the center, a chair, a holoterminal and spare parts for his suit. She entered the room cautiously. When nothing jumped out of the shadows at her, she headed for the suit pieces. Discarded to one side was the top half of his helmet that she’d sliced a hole in. She picked it up as memories washed through her of their duel.

There was so much pain! To discover that the monster before her had once been her master. Someone so devoted to others he’d risked everything for them. She’d always believed he’d died a hero during the Jedi purge, she never could have imagined him joining the very evil he had fought every day of his life. That one yellow eye, no longer blue; no longer soft, and loving. Hearing his voice, raspy but distinct. She remembered the way it had felt when she’d first suspected it could be him; the horror, the shame, the denial. Anakin was good, he’d always been good. Good people don’t turn evil. At least not without good reason. She sat cross legged on the floor, hugging the broken helmet to her, as tears rolled down her cheeks. “What happened to you, Anakin? Why wasn’t I there to save you? I should’ve had your back, just like you always had mine! But no, I walked away. I was selfish! I thought only of myself! I was so blinded by the burning pain of betrayal, I couldn’t stand with you or with the Jedi, after everything they’d done to me.”

She set the helmet aside and picked up the vest of another suit. She looked it over, tracing her fingers around the edges. The material was stiff and heavy, but strong. She fiddled with the buttons on the front trying different combinations, wondering what they did. She heard a release of air and looked down inside the neck hole to understand how the breathing system worked. Her senses started getting fuzzy. The room spun for just a moment and then straightened out. She shook her head. She must still be tired from all the torture she’d endured. She looked around, feeling angry suddenly. She wanted to smash something, destroy someone.

She stood up, whipping out her lightsabers; hate raging through her veins. She swung her lightsabers deftly at nothing… paused… and then suddenly it dawned on her. She picked the suit up again and pressed the last combo until the air from it came in a steady stream. She sniffed it, hatred rising up in her again. Anger, red, burning… she wanted revenge! For everything they’d done to her! They deserved to be punished! No… they deserved to die! Her lips snarled, and she raced from the room, bent on destroying them. 

She was several hallways away when the anger faded. She’d been right, he was being poisoned! She crept back to the room and force shut off the suit as she held her other hand over her nose and mouth. She waved at the air in front of her trying to clear the gas from the room. Now that she was aware of its presence, the smell of it was unmistakable. It definitely wasn’t pure oxygen. She could feel a residual tickle of anger as if it danced across her skin; ready to penetrate at any moment. She made her way to the bacta tank and turned on the life support connected to it as well. Sure enough, she smelled the gas in it too. She shut it off just as quickly and ran out of the room. It was making her weak. She had no idea what kind of substance it could be, but it seemed to have an effect on her ability to connect to the force as well. To be sure, there was one more test she had to try. If this gas did what she suspected, Anakin had literally been forced to inhale it for years. In such a concentrated state, it was hardly surprising that Vader was winning the fight. It obviously wasn’t a high enough dosage to be lethal, but it was enough to keep him in a heightened, stress response state. No wonder he permeated anger and hate. Every apparatus required for him to breathe was laced with the stuff. But how to get him away from it without killing him? That was the question… it probably had an addictive quality as well, something he’d experience withdrawal from, not to mention, it would keep him resistant to help unless he was knocked unconscious and taken to a place that had untampered life support. 

Well… she thought, time to find out what it really does. She went back to the bacta tank, turned on the life support, and slipped the mask over her head, inhaling deeply several times. She could feel something changing in her.

—-

Vader landed the TIE fighter back on Mustafar. The mission hadn’t been quite as successful as he’d hoped, but it at least bruised the rebels for a bit. He’d gotten to knock a few imperial heads around too. That had been a highlight. It was time to report to Sidious the status of the mission. He dreaded it, knowing he’d also ask whether Vader had finished Skywalker’s apprentice.

He headed straight for his holoterminal but then felt compelled to turn towards the cell blocks to check on his prisoner. Perhaps she’d died while he was gone and he wouldn’t have to report yet another failure. He nearly passed the torture room without a thought but then paused and looked inside. The room had been ransacked! Everything in it had been sliced to bits, everything except the wooden box he’d put her lightsabers in. It was still sitting in the corner where he’d left it, and appeared to still be locked. What the kriff? He approached it somewhat cautiously and went to lift the lid, the whole top half had been split with surgeon-like precision. But there inside, still sat her lightsabers. He grabbed them both in one hand and quickly made it to the cell. On the floor by her cell were parts of the cell bars, sliced up just like the torture room. So she couldn’t take it then? She escaped. Good riddance… but why would she put her lightsabers back and leave them behind?

He approached the cell slowly, but stiffened when he realized she was still there. Through the hole she’d cut in the bars, she sat with her back to him, cross legged. Power emanated from her, but it felt wrong like it was tainted. He was more confused by the minute.

“Are you proud of me, master?” She broke the silence without even moving. “You wouldn’t let me join you, so I absorbed all the anger and hatred from this place so I can be just like you!” He stared at her in disbelief. 

“What is wrong with you?” He spat out. A million things going through his mind. 

She stood up and spun around with her arms out. “Isn’t it wonderful? Now we can be together again! Train me master! Train me in the ways of the dark side!" 

He took a step back. 

"Why do you fear me?” She hissed, her blue eyes squinting in anger. She pulled the lightsabers from his hand, ignited them and raced at him. He barely got his up in time. They clashed furiously, building momentum as they made their way out into the open foyer. Her offensive strikes could have been lethal, but they were unrefined. She seemed stronger in combat, but chaotic in the force. She no longer possessed the calm she’d had on their trip here. 

She flipped backward, pushing off the wall and sailing over his head, landing gracefully behind him. He barely had time to turn around before he felt his feet lifted off the ground. He couldn’t breathe, as a crushing weight clamped down on his neck and chest. His eyes widened at the realization that she was the one performing the force choke hold on him. Had he taught her that?

Trying not to panic, he focused on force gripping her outstretched arm. She howled in pain, her chokehold loosened enough for him to break free. He swung his lightsaber at her and she flipped backwards; it missed her by a hair. She ducked under his swing, spun around slashing low, forcing him to jump to miss the strike. He brought his blow down hard and she had to use both lightsabers to block it. She pushed him back and rolled to the side, flipping her lightsabers in her hands back to her reverse grip. She then lunged forward at him spinning around with such momentum he had to leap backwards. They matched blow for blow as they fought their way around the fortress, each trying to gain the upper hand. That shouldn’t be possible. He could feel the hatred raging in her. Lashing out at him for all that he had done. He realized at some point, that he may not win this fight. 

On Malachor, she’d never given in to her true potential. She’d been skilled and far more focused than when he’d last seen her fight, but without passion there had been a void in her abilities that he’d easily exploited. She hadn’t wanted to kill him. And… he hadn’t really wanted to kill her… they’d both held back. At least, he could tell they had. To anyone else, it probably looked like they were fighting for their lives. The two of them had always been intense fighters. But he knew Ahsoka, he knew how she fought. He knew her state of mind and her focus when she fought and this wasn’t her. He had challenged her and pushed her harder than Obi wan had ever pushed him. The unadulterated power that such a little creature could possess would make her a powerful ally of the emperor. But with the Sith, there could only be two. He couldn’t take her as his apprentice as long as he had a master. And if his master took her on, he would be killed.

He threw his own rage into the fight. He had not lost everything just to be replaced. He would not let it crumble down on him. She had to die. It was the only way. 

—-

Ahsoka fought ferociously, letting the gas pollute her mind. She knew he could take it. She didn’t feel like herself, but she also didn’t feel more powerful either. All the chemical seemed to do in her brain was aggravate her emotions and resolve. It didn’t seem to increase her force power. If anything, it was harder and harder for her to call on the force. The emotions blinded her to it. She could still feel its power and presence, she just couldn’t find the calm or the light in it. So this was what it was like to be Vader? Kept in a constant state of frenzy, unable to reach for the only thing that could save you. This was the dark side then. 

But just as she suspected, it hadn’t taken away her ability to think clearly. It had just amplified the negative emotions until she was teetering on the brink; willing and ready to give into the pain, and its power over her. It focused all her actions through the lens of pure hatred. She’d been through so much in her life, but rage had never been her outlet. Not like it had been for Anakin. She’d always managed to clamp it down, to cry or to withdraw. And he had never made her feel ashamed of her feelings. The rest of the Jedi told her constantly to control them. She had become good at focusing them into action and intention, but never unleashing them. Never letting them win over clarity. But there was a clarity to this rage. A clear picture of what you’re fighting and what is your enemy. 

To test her theory, she’d given in to the anger she’d felt at the Jedi and their betrayal of her. She’d given in to the fear of the future, of herself. She’d given in to the pain of all her heartbreaks and mourning. Of all the losses and suffering and death. She took it out on the black suited monster in front of her as if he was solely responsible for every injustice she’d ever experienced in her life. And suddenly she understood. Anakin had been a slave as a child. Anakin had been forced to put his own will aside for another’s gain. First his owner, then the Jedi, and now the Emperor. The difference was, now he was given the option to channel it into a purpose rather than to deny it. She’d wanted the truth, and now she had it; Vader was Anakin. Vader was the version of Anakin that he’d never been allowed to release. Not completely anyways. And because he’d never been given permission to unleash it, it had built up until it was now all consuming. Bariss Offee had been right; it was wrong for the Jedi not to show emotion.

She didn’t want to believe that they could be the same person. It hurt more than any physical wound ever could. People who had only ever been his friend were now seen just as guilty as the ones that had hurt him. Maybe they all had hurt him in their own ways. Maybe long term exposure to pain with no relief, caused it to blur all together until that’s all anything really was; pain, pain and more pain. Even love could be perceived as pain. And pain led to anger, anger led to hate and hate led to suffering…

She dropped her lightsabers suddenly, just as he swung back to build momentum to strike again. Sensing her sudden weakness, he pushed her back with the force. She flew back into the wall of the fortress so hard she felt several things crack inside her. She slumped to the ground, gritting her teeth to the sharp pain radiating from her back. His looming form blocked out the light. He held his ignited lightsaber over her and she knew the fight wasn’t over. She didn’t want to finish it.

“I submit to you,” she whispered. The strength fading from her voice. “I submit.” She repeated weakly as the edges of her vision grew dark. “Kill me, Anakin. Release your pain, free… yourself…”


	4. Chapter 4

Vader stared down at her unconscious body, crumpled against the wall. The rage he’d been feeling was still burning hot. He should finish her, why couldn’t he just do it? “Release your pain, free yourself.” The words she’d stuttered just as she lost consciousness stirred something in his brain. He picked her up, cradling her gently. He carried her to his private chambers, where he removed her armor, her gloves and boots. Then he hooked her up to the breathing apparatus and the harness, and lowered her into the bacta tank. It was all he could do for her right now. She’d clearly broken something. He’d look into ordering a medical droid. He wasn’t sure a request for a force healer would go unnoticed by his master.

Satisfied that everything was hooked up and running, he bowed before the holoterminal to call the emperor.

It was getting easier and easier to lie to him; to keep his emotions in check and his force level. It was easy because all he felt was cold. When the transmission ended, he glanced over at Ahsoka floating in the tank. He’d told his master he’d broken her. That he would be looking into her information. But strangely the topic of her fate had never come up. He hadn’t broken her, not even when it sounded as though she was begging him to kill her. To the very end, she had still only been concerned for Anakin. He knew his master would figure it out soon enough, but anything could happen by then. Their fight had confused him greatly. She’d been intent to kill him and probably would have eventually, but just when she’d almost gained the upper hand, she’d made a fatal mistake. She’d dropped her defense completely. And he knew the moment he pushed her into the wall, that she had done so on purpose. Why?

“Release your pain, free yourself.” Her words echoed again in his head. The words had been simple but hid so much meaning. As did her giving him permission to kill her. He wasn’t sure how she knew, but she did. During the few days he’d been gone, she had somehow found the root of who he was. Who Anakin was. She now knew, that Vader wasn’t the alter ego he pretended to be. He was still Anakin. The only way Anakin could live again, was if he let go of all the pain he was using to channel his hatred. To power his dark side abilities, he had to stay in pain, he had to continue to suffer. He had to see every foe as the thing he hated most; love. He hated love because those that had claimed to love him had only ever hurt him more. By leaving him, by not seeing him, by dying on him, by not asking him, by criticizing him, by never letting him be himself. No one had ever released him from the pain. And here, now, in this dark, evil, lonely place… Ahsoka had been willing to sacrifice her life so that he could finally be free. As he’d angrily believed no one had cared enough, he’d had no idea what he was asking of them. Not only had she figured it out, she had offered. But instead of doing what he’d needed to for so many years, he’d spared her. Was that really weakness? It strongly depended on your point of view. The Emperor would have called what she’d done weakness, but to him, it was the bravest, strongest show of force he’d ever witnessed. As the slaver queen had once told him on her death bed… sometimes our true master is our heart; that we are slaves to its will. Perhaps that was true, but death wasn’t the only way to be free.

He dialed the number. As senator Organa’s image flickered into view, his surprise was quite telling. “Lord Vader,” he swallowed. “To what do I owe this honor?” Anakin watched as he shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting around like he didn’t know where to look. 

“I have something I need to discuss with you, in person. Meet me at these coordinates. Come alone, bring one advanced medical droid. Tell no one where you are going or who you are meeting, and you will leave alive.“ 

"Yes, lord Vader…” Bail stammered. “I will leave immediately.” Anakin cut the transmission and sat back on his heels. He knew he was walking down a dangerous path, but Senator Organa was the best hope he had for getting her decent medical help without alerting his master. After all, Bail Organa knew all about keeping secrets from the Emperor.

—

Bail stared at the holo projector for a long time after the image of Vader had faded. He’d not been face to face with him, but rumors could be as terrifying as reality, if not more so. Vader had a fearsome reputation. He was known to appear, destroy everything in his path and vanish without a whisper as to where he went or who he was. He knew the truth of that, of course. But very few did. Everyone that had faced him in the rebellion, at least those that had lived to tell about the encounter, repeated the same thing; he was merciless, cold, and more powerful than you could ever imagine. He had no idea why Vader had contacted him, but he was convinced he would not be returning alive. If he dared stand him up though, he glanced around the room at all the cherished reminders of his life and what he fought for, all of it would be doomed.

He left to find his wife, trying to carefully swallow his fear so she wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong. He told her as nonchalantly as he could that he had an urgent meeting and that he loved her. Leia was harder to track down. She was headstrong and ready to pick a fight with anyone and anything that so much as looked at her wrong. She was brilliant, like her mother had been, but fearless. She could sass the pants off any pirate she came across. It had been difficult to hold her back from the rebellion. From the first moment she learned of it, she was hell bent on participating. He was proud of her of course, but always worried about her. Her behavior reminded him too much of her father, and it made him really nervous. He finally tracked her down in the courtyard playing bolo-ball with her friends, and apparently kicking their butts at it. He couldn’t help but smile. It was a sad smile, however, would he ever see her again?

“Hi dad!” She yelled over the jeers of the crowd that had gathered around to watch. He waved back at her as she hit the ball off her head and then jumped a player to score a goal. The other team moaned as a cheer rang through the crowd. Bail had known she had force abilities and reflexes from an early age, but to protect her, he’d channeled her powers into other constructive uses. But at times like these, where she could outplay any girl or boy, it was more obvious than he liked. It wasn’t her fault of course, she couldn’t help it. It was part of who she was and what made her special. He was just so afraid for her, and constantly hoped anyone that might notice, was loyal to the house of Organa and would keep their mouths shut.

“Well done, well done!” Bail raised his voice and the crowd fell silent. Being the crown prince of Alderaan had its perks. “I’m going to call a timeout though.” The crowd booed. “I just need to steal the star player for a moment and then you can carry on!” Leia jogged over to him, breathless and flushed but her brown eyes were bright and happy. 

“What’s going on?” She said as he stared at her face, trying to memorize every freckle. 

“I have to head out for a few days on business,” he said, doing his best to keep his voice steady. “I just wanted to say goodbye to my favorite daughter!” Usually that made her groan, but this was a Jedi he was talking to, she always knew when he wasn’t being honest. Her eyes narrowed.

“Dad?” She whispered, her tone had completely changed. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t you worry about me, child. It’s a bit of a risky trip, but nothing your old man can’t handle. Be good, and take care of your mom. We’ll talk when I get back. Deal?” He knew she wanted to argue, but this was his life; sometimes he had to do risky things, for the good of the rebellion, for the future of all things good and light. He hoped she’d just accept that it was another one of those kind of missions.

She seemed to debate with herself for a moment and then threw her arms around him in a hug. He squeezed her tightly and they exchanged ‘I love you’s.’ He felt her eyes following him as he left, so he didn’t give in to his fears until he’d gathered the medical droid, loaded up the ship with a few supplies and was on his way. 

As soon as he emerged from hyperspace at the coordinates Vader had given him, he was pinged by a distant ship. He flicked the switch to let the transmission come through. 

“Senator Organa,” Vader’s heavy rasping voice came through the channel. “Did you come alone?”

“Yes. And I brought the medical droid and some supplies.” Bail responded, his mouth felt dry. He knew Vader wouldn’t be foolish enough to take him at his word, but he was too scared of him to do anything other than what he asked.

“Dock with my vessel and come aboard.” Vader ordered and then shut down the comm link.

Bail did as Vader instructed. He’d no sooner docked when he felt both ships jump to hyperspace. Oh great, he thought to himself, no one would have known where to look for him, but now the chance of rescue would be next to none. He was at the mercy of Vader’s whim, and that was frightening. He swallowed hard and opened the docking hatch between the two ships.

When he finally made it to the bridge of the other ship, he wasn’t sure what to say or do. So he just stood awkwardly aside until Vader spoke first.

“Senator Organa,” Vader said at last, turning to face him. Bail bowed stiffly unsure of how to respond. “Follow me.” Vader rasped and brushed past him. He obeyed. “This room should be comfortable enough for the journey.” Bail stepped inside the room Vader was pointing to, unsure of what else to do.

“Thank you.” He said with his best politician’s smile. But not being able to read your adversary’s face made it difficult. He’d been dismissed, but not locked in, he noticed. What was he up to? He’d heard stories about Sith Lords from his friends in the Jedi, but he’d never been face to face with one. He expected violence, fear tactics, etc. not being escorted to quarters to wait out the trip. He let his mind wander, wondering about the secrecy of this whole scenario. It made sense to tell him not to reveal anything, it’s easier to make him disappear. But why the medical droid? Why the promise to keep him alive if he cooperated? He would have thought Vader would have access to any number of resources, couldn’t he get a droid from the Emperor or the Imperials? They all worked for him, right? Unless whatever it was he was needing it for, he didn’t want the Emperor to know… hmm…

Eventually he felt the ship lurch as it came out of hyperspace. A few minutes later, it landed. “Senator!” Vader called. Bail stepped out of the quarters. “Pick up that box and follow me.” Again he obeyed, realizing that Vader had gone to his ship at some point and retrieved the droid and the supplies. He turned on the repulser lift to the crate Vader had indicated and followed him onto a landing platform surrounded by lava. The heat was sweltering, he loosened a couple buttons around his neck without thinking. They walked in silence through this dark metal fortress, finally stopping at a door. “I know you’re the leader of the rebellion,” Vader broke the silence with a bombshell.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bail stammered, reciting his well-practiced line as best he could.

“I don’t care about that right now. What I require your assistance with is another matter entirely, and I’m trusting you to speak of this to no one. Do you understand?”

Bail nodded. 

“Good,” Vader said. “As long as you cooperate, I know nothing about your rebellion or your part in it. Once this matter is resolved, I will return you to your ship and you will be permitted to leave unharmed.”

He nodded again. Apparently satisfied that Bail would keep his promise, Vader opened the door to the chamber at last. 

“Ahsoka!” He couldn’t stop himself from crying out as his eyes snapped to the figure floating in the tank in the center of the room. The light from it cast eerie shadows across the floors and walls.

— 

Anakin stepped aside as Bail ran to the tank for a closer look. “She’s still alive,” he said. “But in need of medical care I could not provide.”

Bail turned to look at him. Anakin could tell he had a ton of questions. He didn’t know how much he wanted to reveal to him. Bail was a genuinely good man, but he was a politician, and the leader of the resistance, currently, the Empire’s biggest threat. So technically he was the enemy, just like Ahsoka. The last thing he needed was Bail having enough information about him to use it against them. But as he glanced past him at Ahsoka, he could feel her fading. To save her, he would have to risk it. 

Anakin reached up, unlatched his helmet, and removed the top half. Bail gasped but said nothing. “I’ve done terrible things,” he wheezed, “I deserve to be punished for them. But right now, I need your help, and your droid, to save her.” He spoke softly. He’d always hated being vulnerable. But it is what it is, and there was no going back now.

Organa appeared to be at a loss for words, but recovered enough to start getting the room ready to bring her out of the tank. The two of them worked quickly and quietly, as they dragged a table in from another room so the droid would better be able to treat her. With Bail’s help, Anakin lifted Ahsoka out of the bacta tank, removed the harness and carried her over to the table.

It was hard for him to stand idly by while the droid examined her and began to treat her wounds. He paced the room, trying to ignore the way Bail’s eyes followed him. He could tell the senator didn’t trust him, and he didn’t blame him. But he also knew it went deeper than discovering that Anakin Skywalker, knight of the republic, hero with no fear, was now the Sith Lord wreaking havoc throughout the galaxy. He suspected his animosity towards him was about Padmé. They’d been good friends and often worked closely together to pass bills and protect the Republic. And now, because of him… Padmé was gone.

For years after his transition to the dark side, he’d blamed her for his downfall. If she had truly loved him, why had she not done as he’d asked? Why had she let Obi wan fill her head with lies? Why had she turned against him? But worse still, what kind of life would his be without her? The pain of all of it, had only fueled his turning. It had only made it easier to be consumed by the anger. As he stood there, looking down at Ahsoka now as they fought to save her, he knew he could never right the wrongs he’d committed to Padmé. To anyone, for that matter. But Ahsoka had shown him what he’d been unable or unwilling to see. And if he could keep her alive now, it would be the only thing he’d want to be remembered for. He couldn’t bring the people he’d lost back, but at least one of them would live to remember who he’d once been.


	5. Chapter 5

After a few hours of intensive surgery, Anakin was feeling disheartened. The guilt of how this had happened was washing through him in waves. He finally had to leave the room and sit at the far end of the hallway and meditate. “Ahsoka,” he whispered through the force, “if you can hear this, you better come back to me.”

He felt Bail approach him awhile later. “If there’s anything I’ve learned in my life,” he said, “it’s that the force works in mysterious ways.” Anakin opened his eyes and turned to look up at him. “I’m not sure I can forgive you for all that you’ve done… but I can thank you for what you’re trying to do now.” Anakin was moved by his words, it wasn’t an easy task to show compassion, especially to people you weren’t sure deserved it.

“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” he replied at long last. “But she showed me the light when I didn’t think it existed anymore. And she shouldn’t have to die because of my own mistakes.” Like everyone else had, he thought to himself.

“I didn’t know Ahsoka as well as you, tell me about her.” Bail said, sitting down in the hallway close to him, cross legged. They passed the time swapping stories, Anakin surprised at how good it felt to talk to someone.

When the medical droid came out into the hallway to call them they were both on their feet in an instant. “She is awake,” it said, “however, in the process of the surgery, I had to cut through her clothes. Do you have any spare garments I could give to her?”

Anakin furrowed his brow, “no, only spare pieces of this suit.”

“I believe there might be some of Breha’s outfits on my ship. They should fit her, I’m not sure how practical they are at the moment, but I’ll go see what I can come up with.” Bail offered, but looked at Anakin before moving. Anakin nodded permission and Bail disappeared in the direction of the landing platform.

—

Ahsoka felt a touch on her face and opened her eyes. Anakin was standing over her, along with a medical droid. She smiled up at him and tried to sit up. He caught her around the shoulders to hold her steady. 

“So what’s the verdict, doc?” She heard him say in his all too familiar ‘man of action’ tone. She didn’t know how long she’d been out, or what had transpired while she had been. But the man standing next to her was more familiar and more like her old master than he had been in any of their previous encounters. He still wore the awful suit, but the top half of his helmet was removed and he didn’t feel so tainted anymore. Though she could still smell some of the gas coming from it, he seemed to mostly be resisting its influence now. She felt Anakin pull at her tunic and she looked down to discover that it was ripped down the middle and he was trying to casually pull it back together so she wasn’t exposed. She grabbed at it, and crossed her arms over it, blushing slightly. 

“She will make a full recovery, but after such invasive surgery, I recommend another night in the bacta tank. I took the liberty of flushing the tank and cleaning the life support system. I detected a high concentration of polychlorinated biphenyls mixed in with the oxygen. In low doses, it’s barely noticeable but long term exposure can cause an increase of violent behavior and heightened stress response that can eventually corrode the body’s ability to heal itself or function normally.” The droid responded. “I have reconfigured the life support intake system so the chemical inhalant will no longer be present. Would you like me to do the same to your suit?” Ahsoka snuck a glance at Anakin’s face. Did he know about the gas?

“My suit?” Anakin repeated blankly. 

“Yes,” the droid persisted “I detect high levels of the chemical also present in the life support system in the vest of your suit." 

Anakin seemed at a loss for words, confirming for Ahsoka that he hadn’t known he’d been being drugged. Before Anakin could respond, another figure appeared in the doorway. Her jaw dropped as Senator Organa stepped in the room carrying a handful of fabric and beaming a smile at her. She must have hit her head harder than she thought. 

"I brought what I could find,” Bail said. “Obviously party gowns are a bit too bulky and constricting for the types of things you Jedi do, so I tried to find under dresses or free flowing pieces that would be easier for you to move in. I admit, they’re probably not your style, but they should do what they need to until we can patch up yours or get you some new garments. I did find a spare set of pajamas, if you need another dunk in the tank or whatever. I’ll let you decide.” He set his armful of fabric down at her feet and put his hand on her shoulder. “How are you doing, Ahsoka?" 

Before she could find her voice, she glanced up at Anakin in confusion. He was looking at senator Organa with a soft, appreciative smile. But she could still feel turmoil in him and wondered if it was about what the droid had said. 

"I seem to have missed a great deal of things,” she croaked, trying to figure out what was going on. “But I believe I will live long enough to get answers.” Bail smiled at her again and patted her shoulder. 

“It is good to see you alive, Ahsoka Tano. You’ve been greatly missed.” He said sadly. Finally, it dawned on her that he wasn’t referring to this moment at all. Kanaan and Ezra had escaped Malachor before the temple had exploded, likely reporting that she’d probably died in the blast. That news would of course make its way back to the rest of the resistance, and then up the chain to Bail himself. She’d been so focused on Anakin, that other than a brief hope her friends were alright, she hadn’t even thought about them.

“Oh,” she said simply, bowing her head in shame.

At this, Anakin spoke first, “senator Organa, I believe it may be time to return you to your people. You’ve been gone too long already, and I don’t need any one risking their lives to try and find you.” He released his hold on Ahsoka and made his way around the table to walk Bail out. As they left the room, she could tell they were whispering and she tried straining her ears to hear. But she was still a little fuzzy from everything that had happened. With the men out of the room she quickly shed her clothes and pulled on the first thing she found on the top of the pile that Bail had set down. It was a long, slinky, dark maroon dress. She fought her way into it, trying to get her montrals out of the way, and finally gave up trying to zip it up her back. Running awkwardly, trying not to trip over the excess fabric, but ignoring the droid’s warnings, she finally caught up with them in the foyer.

—

“Oh my dear,” the senator exclaimed interrupting Anakin to turn to greet Ahsoka as she joined them. “You look quite stunning in that dress.” Anakin followed Organa’s eyes and caught his breath. “I’m afraid it would need to be adjusted a bit, oh and here, let me zip you up, but then I think it would suit you perfectly. Maybe not for a fight, but a night out in town.” Organa gushed as he stepped behind her to zip up the back of the dress.

“Thank you, Senator.” Ahsoka replied with a little curtsy. “But won’t your wife want her clothes back? I’d hate to see them ruined to fit me.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Breha has way more outfits than she can keep track of. She won’t even miss it. And please, call me Bail.” 

Ahsoka wanted to put her foot down and just demand to know what was going on. But she was convinced that wouldn’t work even if she tried. Who knew when she followed Vader back to this place, that she’d be tortured, taste the dark side, spend time in a bacta tank, have surgery, and now be witnessing the feared Sith lord chatting with the leader of the rebellion like a couple of old friends having a get together. It felt like her head might explode just thinking about it. Maybe it was better not to get answers just yet. Anakin and Bail just stood in silence watching her, and they did not resume their conversation. Whatever it was they were talking about, she wasn’t included in it. She also noticed that Anakin had been about to put the top of his helmet back on. 

“Can I come along?” she said finally, unable to stand the silence anymore. Anakin and Bail exchanged glances and then Anakin nodded before reaching up and latching the helmet back on his head. She followed behind them in silence as they went out to where the ships were docked. They boarded Anakin’s vessel and strapped themselves in for takeoff. 

Once in hyperspace, they finally spoke again. 

“Ahsoka, I think you should go with Senator Organa.” Anakin said at last. She crossed her arms and scowled at him. “It’s not safe for you with me.” He continued.

“And when have I ever chosen what was safe?” She snapped.

“That’s what worries me,” he sighed. 

“I’m not leaving you. You’re stuck with me.”

“Ahsoka,” Bail started but she cut him off.

“I appreciate your concern, but I will not be treated like a youngling. I’m staying with Anakin. We are going to fight the Emperor together.”

“I’m not sure we can.” Anakin said softly. “Please, go with Bail. I will try to undermine him as best as I can, but we won’t have a chance if he finds out I let you live.”

“No.” she said stubbornly. Bail moved as if to speak again, but Anakin just raised a hand and he stopped. He got up from the chair and knelt down in front of where she sat. He took her hands in his and looked up at her through the mask. She couldn’t see his eyes, but she could feel his stare. 

“I’m not going to go back to being evil, Ahsoka, if that’s what you’re worried about. But I have the best chance to stop him as long as he believes I’m still on his side. If you’re there with me, he won’t trust me at all. You are a threat to everything he’s built and everything he’s tried to turn me into.” She could feel the tears streaming down her face now. 

“You don’t have to fight him alone.” She whispered worriedly. She leaned into his gloved hand as it reached up to her face. He didn’t answer right away. She hated feeling weak. She’d fought so hard to find Anakin still in there, to have to leave him behind again? She couldn’t do it. Her heart just couldn’t mourn for him again. She knew that he was right, that undermining the emperor would be more effective than flat out war with him. But whatever the risks, she wasn’t going to let him do it alone. He’d been a slave for too long. 

She sat there, tears falling freely, in a dress that was too long for her and bare feet, staring at the man that she’d adored since their very first mission together as if she hardly knew him at all. Yet at the same time, she understood him better than she ever had. It confused her. Here he was, trying to sacrifice his own will yet again, for the good of someone or something greater. And she could not let him do it.

—

He brushed the tears aside with his thumb as she looked at him with her big blue eyes. He wanted her with him more than he could possibly express, but he also wanted to know she was alive out there so he had something to keep fighting for. 

She was so stubborn! She’d always been stubborn. But now, he had no right or power to order her around. She’d proven that on Malachor. When she wanted to do something, she’d do it. Nothing anybody said or did would change her mind. Short of knocking her out, she’d find a way to come anyways.

He sighed. “Very well, m'lady.”

“Don’t call me that.” She replied quickly. “It’s weird, I don’t like it." 

"How about, my love?” He’d whispered the last two words in Togruten. Her eyes widened and he smiled to himself. 

“I could live with that.” She replied, the color of her montral stripes getting more vivid. 

“I will do whatever you ask. What do you want?” He asked submissively.

“I’m not your master, Anakin.” She started. “I don’t want you to do whatever I tell you to. I want you to do the right thing. Whatever that is for you. I want you to be your own master, your own person. And no matter what that means for the Emperor, for the rebellion, for life… I’ll watch your back.” She finished passionately.

He was taken aback. He was so used to being told what to do. He rocked back on his heels and she looked at him intensely.

“Who are you?” She asked. After a few minutes of silence, she persisted, “I can tell you who I know you to be, but I want to hear who you are from your own lips. Who will you choose to be? What will you choose to do?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered at last. “I’m not sure I’ve ever known.”

—

The nav computer beeped and the ship broke out of hyperspace. 

“Well I guess this is where I get off.” Bail said, regretfully interrupting their moment. But, he was pretty sure they really didn’t want him there in the first place. At least not anymore. Neither Anakin or Ahsoka looked at him. Or even acted like they’d heard him. He was about to just go ahead and let himself out when Anakin spoke.

“Are your rebels ready to go to war?”

Bail froze, “no, but they will fight anyways.” He replied. He glanced at Anakin in the black suit, with the giant metal “bucket” as Rex had liked to refer to helmets. He looked half ridiculous, and half frightening. The control panel of buttons on the chest seemed like a target on his chest. But the odds of hitting it were slim to none. Bail had figured out pretty quickly that Vader didn’t wear this suit to intimidate, though it had that effect. It was the only thing keeping him alive. He’d pretended not to notice Anakin’s weakened state when he’d kept the helmet off. What he didn’t know, is why Anakin never upgraded to better systems. As far as he could tell, this was the only thing he’d been wearing for 16 years. 

“I suggest getting them ready,” Anakin stated. “We’re about to start a fight.” Bail couldn’t help the smile that crossed his lips. 

“Oh, we’ve already been starting fights. I’d say it’s time to finish one.” Bail said, clapping Anakin on the shoulder. Then turning to go up the ladder to his ship. “By the way, you can keep my medical droid and the supplies, and the clothes. You’ll probably need them.”

“Thank you,” Anakin replied earnestly. 

“May the force be with you both.” Bail saluted them before disappearing through the airlock.


	6. Chapter 6

“Good luck, my friend.” Anakin whispered knowing Bail hadn’t heard him. He turned back to Ahsoka as the other ship separated from his and leapt to hyperspace. 

“I may not know who I am,” he started carefully. “But I want you there while I figure it out.”

“Right beside you, Skyguy!” Ahsoka said without skipping a beat and threw herself around his neck. He held her close. 

“If we survive this, Snips, remind me to teach you caution.” He said hoarsely.

“I’ve done nothing but be cautious since the end of the clone wars. That’s how I lived for years before joining the rebellion.” She said with emotion. “It didn’t really work for me. I’m a woman of action. Deal with it.”

“How about you stop talking and show me some of that action?”

“You wish!” Ahsoka teased and then strolled to the controls. He let her fly them back to Mustafar, watching her through the eye sockets of his helmet. He’d forgotten how much he liked having her next to him. How used to her presence he’d been. For months after she’d left the Jedi order, after she left him, he’d been so lost. He hadn’t wanted a padawan, he hadn’t wanted to be responsible for somebody else’s life, especially a child’s. But the one he’d gotten tricked into having had been snippy, annoying, too eager, a know-it-all and a huge pain in the neck; and all of those things had eventually become what he loved the most about her. Not the traits themselves, but how they combined to create such an interesting and dynamic personality. A welcome change from the ho hum bore that most of the Jedi were. Ahsoka was definitely a handful, but at some point, quicker than he’d have thought possible, he’d stopped being bothered by it.

Why had he let her leave in the first place? If she’d stayed with him, maybe none of these things ever would have happened. But then again, she was right, until he knew who he was, it wouldn’t matter who came and went. Walking away from everything and everyone she’d ever known, had forced her to figure out who she was; now he understood where the power that radiated from her started. And because she’d succeeded at doing that, nothing could truly taint her. Even when she’d been under the influence of the same drug he’d been being poisoned with, she was in total control. And that’s also why she’d been able to resist his mind manipulation. She was so strong in her sense of self, that nobody could change her. Nobody could make her be something she was not. Oh how he envied her. Would he ever know what that was like?

—

The medical droid shuffled out to meet them when they arrived back at Anakin’s fortress. “Scanning,” it said. “I am happy to report that you did not injure yourself running off.” It directed at Ahsoka. “But you should follow my earlier recommendation of another night in the bacta tank so you’ll be back to one hundred percent efficiency." 

"Thank you, doc.” She replied. “I will follow your advice." 

"Very good. Is there anything else I can do to assist you? If not, I will shut down and recharge.”

“Yes,” Ahsoka replied before Anakin could say no. “Can you find a way for him to breathe without this suit?” She said pointing at Anakin.

“That’s not necessary…” Anakin started.

“Scanning,”

“No you don’t need to…”

“Done,” the droid interrupted again. “While you were out I took an inventory of your supplies. I am pleased to report that I can upgrade your breathing apparatus and make the suit obsolete. When the procedure is finished, your lungs will function normally. I can also repair the damage to your trachea, and update your artificial limbs to make them less bulky and more natural. Shall I begin?”

Anakin stared at the droid, speechless. “Can you really do that?” He asked finally. “With stuff just lying around?”

“Yes,” the droid replied, “I have been updated with the most recent medical procedures and research. My knowledge far surpasses the technology in the suit you wear. Senator Organa supplied a few vital pieces in the supply crates he brought, but everything else was already available here. I can guarantee it will be a painless experience.”

—

“Anakin,” Ahsoka said, taking his arm, “do this, please.” He looked at her through his mask. Did he dare hope he could be free from this torture suit at last? He thought back to the first time he was put into it. It had been a traumatizing experience. The droids that had worked on him had kept him awake, and gave him nothing to numb the pain. It was part of Sidious’s plan to build his hatred and anger by causing him such immeasurable pain. He shuddered internally. He’d been so blind to the promises of the dark side, he’d never allowed himself to think about what he’d endured to get here. Only to find out that the person he’d put all his trust in, was the one responsible for so much of his pain. He’d pretended to be his friend, only to mold him into his most puppet. And because Anakin had been so used to being a slave, he’d not even noticed. As Ahsoka had said at the end of their duel, it was time for him to free himself.

He couldn’t get his life back. There wasn’t much left of it. But he could choose who he was now and who he would be. She’d been right about that too. 

“Let’s get you in the bacta tank first, then I’ll let the doc work on me.” He said at last.

—

She let him unzip the back of her dress, as her skin was revealed, he paused. He looked at it longingly knowing he’d never get to feel the softness of a woman’s skin with his fingers anymore. He remembered Padmé and that day by the lake on Naboo all those years ago. The way she had felt compared to his rough hands. She had been the only soft thing he’d ever known in his hard life. It was hard to breathe, remembering that after so many things had changed. Padmé had been a light in the overwhelming darkness that lived inside him. Something so grand and so wonderful that he could only covet it. 

To him, Padmé truly had been an angel. Her appearance in his life had been a beacon of hope. She’d been a symbol of his freedom. She’d represented everything he’d never been allowed to have, and if he could win her over… simply by possessing her, he could possess everything he’d been denied. But Jedi weren’t allowed possessions or attachments. So before he’d even had a chance to become a Jedi, he’d already failed as one. She had been a symbol of his freedom… and yet… he’d wanted nothing more than to cage her.

“Anakin?” Ahsoka’s voice interrupted his reverie. He loved Ahsoka, he really did, but letting go of Padmé was going to be harder than he thought. She turned in his arms and looked up at him, the silky fabric of her dress now loose around her shoulders. She couldn’t see his face, but he knew she could sense his feelings. It wasn’t that Ahsoka wasn’t soft, he’d just never thought of her that way. When she’d touched him so tenderly, it had been the first time in years he’d felt someone’s touch; it had felt so good, he’d wanted to hold onto it forever. Did he dare open up, knowing he could hurt her?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s been so long… I’m not sure I remember how to be human…” he gulped. It was weird saying the words out loud. He’d loved machines because they couldn’t hurt him. And in many ways, he’d become one. 

She took off his helmet and looked into his eyes like she was searching his soul. “You will.” She said softly. It was his turn to lean into the touch of her hand as it caressed his face. “I’ll help you.” Oh, of that, he was sure. If Ahsoka made a promise, she kept it. She hadn’t failed him yet.

“Don’t worry,” she whispered, “I’ll keep you safe.” She kissed him on the head, and when he looked up at her, again on the lips. 

She stepped back from him and let the dress fall around her ankles exposing her naked body. She was slim and fit and definitely not a child anymore. He’d seen her body before; there wasn’t much privacy in a war zone. Not that he’d really given it much thought. You didn’t have the luxury to be modest when you’re fighting for your life. When you have business to attend to, you do it, and then you get back in the fight. It didn’t matter who was around. Though it must have been hard for her to get used to when she was around men most of the time. She’d never really been shy about showing skin, at least on the upper half, but he’d always figured it was a Togruta thing. They were predators, it made sense to have tight fitting clothes that allowed the maximum amount of movement and flexibility. They were also fast, so excess fabric would only slow them down. Early on, she’d worn a sash that hung from her belt, that must have had some kind of meaning; along with the akul teeth that she’d fashioned into a headdress for her Jedi braid, or in her case beads, since she didn’t have hair. But he’d never really asked what any of it meant. Though war created deep bonds from the shared experiences, you didn’t really have the opportunity to get to know the people you fought with. You knew important things, of course, like whose side they’re on, and what they’ll do in a fight, but you never get to know what’s important to them when they’re not slicing through things. And Anakin realized, he really didn’t know much about her at all. He hoped they’d have time to change that.

She changed into the pajamas Bail had left to prepare to get in the tank, but then she bit her lip. “I don’t want to sleep while he operates on you. What if he needs help? What if something happens?”

“Underneath this suit, you’ll find a mutilated body. Half human, half machine. It’s a very unpleasant thing to behold. Are you sure you’ll be able to stomach it?”

“Pain is a vile mistress; she leaves her scars on all of us. Some are in our heads, some are in our souls, and some are on our bodies. But she cannot make anyone less worthy of being loved.” Her voice was low. She hadn’t exactly answered the question he’d asked, but somehow she’d managed to answer the one he needed to know; if she would still love him when she found out what was left of him.

—

The medical droid directed Anakin to lie down on the table he’d prepped for the surgery. He was going on about all the different things he’ll have to do in order to free him from the suit. He’d hooked up life support monitors and laid out all the tools and pieces he would need. And then he put an oxygen mask with anesthesia over Anakin’s head.

Ahsoka stood nervously to the side as she watched his eyes close. She’d been careful not to give into her fears about the procedure. She knew she’d still love him no matter what he looked like, but she could not have prepared herself for what she’d see as the doctor slowly and deliberately began to remove the pieces of his suit. Had Sidious done this too him? How had he lost the rest of his limbs? His incredibly pale skin had bumps and scars running in all directions, indicating terrible burns like he’d been set on fire. She couldn’t even begin to imagine the extent of internal damage such a trauma could induce.

She’d understood that he could not breathe well without the suit, as it was, he spent more time with the helmet off than he should. But it wasn’t until the droid explained that the suit was sealed to prevent the collapse of his lungs that she fully understood the state he was in. The droid worked methodically on each part one at a time. It inserted a kind of stabilizing device onto his lungs that would work with the body’s normal ability to breathe. He had to prop open his trachea in a few places, and was able to minimally restore his vocal chords. A pacemaker device was hooked to his heart. Once the doctor had restored normal functionality to his vital organs, he went to work on his sensory organs. Using a specialized laser treatment, he was able to fix the damage to his retinas and ear drums. 

Hours slid by as Ahsoka watched the droid put a human back together. It was hard to watch, but at the same time, she couldn’t look away. Some parts the droid said, were easier just to upgrade rather than replace, but assured her, that when he was finished, Anakin would no longer need external sources to survive. Built into each device the droid inserted, he claimed had fail safes. Electrical pulses couldn’t disrupt their ability to function and the battery life, he assured her, would outlast his life expectancy. The process got considerably slower when it came to designing more efficient prosthetic limbs because the droid had to keep stimulating certain nerves and encouraging the body to accept the new appendage. 

—

At some point during the procedure, Ahsoka dozed off in the chair in the corner. For the first time in years, she wasn’t able to stop herself from dreaming. 

Above her flew a convoree, it was a familiar sight. It was the same one that seemed to follow her around. She didn’t know what it meant, but it was always there. She could feel the turu-grass beneath her, and hear the familiar sounds of the winds across the plains. The birds calling out to each other, small rodents snaking their way around trying to hide from the predators in the sky. Shili was a peaceful place, most of the time. Except for when the akul were on a rampage. They were incredibly dangerous creatures, the only thing on the planet higher on the food chain than the Togruta. They traveled in large packs and could raze entire villages within minutes. Like the nexu, they were large with lots of sharp teeth. 

She froze as she felt the ground shake beneath her. Her heart started racing and she was on her feet in no time. Above the tall grasses she caught a glimpse of the orange striped skin of the akul. She reached for her lightsabers, but they weren’t there. She searched the ground where she’d been laying, but came up empty. The akul was within range, it had surely smelled her by now. She had no choice but to run. She raced to the edge of the plains, knowing that she couldn’t run to the village for help. If she did, she’d put them all in danger. She ran as fast as she could but she could feel them gaining on her. The trees were too far away, she’d never make it. She had to fight, but where were her lightsabers? She tried to steady her breathing. The akul could not only outrun its prey, it could also outlast them. If she wanted a fighting chance, she had to pace herself. She’d beat one before, she could do it again. After all, she was a Jedi now.

She raced into an open patch of grass, only to skid to a halt. Somehow they’d managed to surround her. How had she not realized they’d gotten in front of her? She spun slowly, looking for weakness in their ranks, but she saw none. As one akul stepped towards her, her vision started getting dark around the edges. They began to morph into cloaked figures, black as the night. One lunged at her, shooting lightning from its fingertips but she was rooted in place. Out of nowhere, the convoree she’d been watching earlier flew in between her and the cloaked creature, absorbing the stream of lightning. It screeched in pain but continued to swoop in again and again, stopping the cloaked figures from hitting her with the spells. Suddenly one of the figures picked up a spear and lofted it at the bird, skewering it. The convoree dropped from the sky and landed hard nearby by her. She cried out in anguish and forgetting the immediate danger, she rushed to where it fell. There lie an ethereal looking woman in a white gown and flowing green hair. The Daughter from Mortis! 

“We are one,” she told Ahsoka, with failing strength. “You mustn’t fall, or the light dies.”

“What do you mean?” Ahsoka begged her as she cradled the woman in her arms.

“He’s coming…” with that the Daughter went limp. 

Ahsoka spun around in time to watch the akul/creatures combine into one more powerful creature, towering over her. It laughed maliciously.

“You think you saved him? You’re wrong! You only weakened him! He cannot beat me now! And neither can you!” The cloaked figure let out a horrendous screech and then pulled out two red lightsabers and thrust at her with such force, Ahsoka could barely react. But she had reacted. She was suddenly older and there in her hands were now her white lightsabers, as she pushed back at the figure with all her might. “You’re weak,” it taunted her. “Give in, give in to the darkness.” Ahsoka went to strike only to get electrocuted by purple lightning. She could hear herself screaming.

—

“Anakin!” Ahsoka yelled, jumping up from the chair. Heart racing, she was breathing hard. She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up. Standing above her was a tall, thin man. He had mechanical arms and legs, but a gentle, however now concerned, smile. He was hardly recognizable. Was this the same person that had lived in that awful suit? It didn’t matter now, “Sidious,” she shivered. “He’s coming! He’s here!" 

"Calm down, Ahsoka, it’s okay, it’s alright.” She looked up at him wide-eyed.

“You don’t understand! That wasn’t just a nightmare, he’s here! He’s going to kill us both!”

He pulled her into his arms. “Breathe,” he said and kissed her forehead. She struggled for a minute and then relaxed. Once she stopped trying to fight him, he let go. He picked up her boots, belt and armor and as she put them on, he handed back her lightsabers. Then he picked up his own. “We knew this was coming. But I have a few tricks up my sleeve.” He said rolling his shoulders. “Follow me.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Vader,” Sidious hissed as the black suit appeared in the entry way of the castle. “You’ve failed me. I expected much better from you. You think I wouldn’t find out what you’ve been up to? I know everything!”

“I’m sorry, master.” Wheezed Vader, falling to one knee and bowing his head. “It won’t happen again,” he groveled.

“No it won’t,” Sidious said angrily letting loose purple lightning. The black suit stood, raising its red lightsaber to absorb the blow. “You dare challenge me?” Sidious went for another cast of lightning and the lightsaber was too slow to block it. It hit Vader with full force and then suddenly, an explosion so massive, it sent Sidious flying backwards. 

“Now!” Anakin whispered to Ahsoka, and she leapt from the shadows igniting her white lightsabers in mid-air. Though startled, Sidious got his two red ones up in time to block her attack. She force flipped over him and ferociously bombarded him with strike after strike after strike. He blocked every swing, but seemed to have some trouble tracking her. She was too fast, and the explosion appeared to have affected his vision. His rage rose up so fast, Ahsoka could not block his assault from both his lightsaber and the purple lightning. She cried out as she flew backwards falling over debris. She was on her feet again quickly and racing at him. This time she came at him from one side, and Anakin, who’d retrieved the lightsaber from the blasted apart droid, came running in full tilt from the other.

Their offensive strikes from two sides kept the emperor so busy blocking that he couldn’t force push them or use his lightning. He was still spry for his old age, and even handicapped from the bomb in the suit, neither of them managed to find a weak spot. 

Somewhere far away, an explosion sounded, followed by another and another. Until Bail’s voice buzzed through the comm Anakin had snapped to his wrist, “Sorry we’re a little late to the party.” 

"Perfect timing, my friend,” Anakin replied, as he continued to break down Sidious’s defenses.

“How can we help?” Bail asked through the static.

“Destroy the castle supports,” Anakin said, “send this metal dung heap to the chop shop!”

“With you still inside?" 

"You let me worry about that!” Anakin said slightly breathless. Neither him, nor Ahsoka had really had a chance to recover from their major surgeries, it was honestly incredible, they were doing so well. But of course, he had to think that, because suddenly Sidious found an opening in his defenses and threw him back with the force. Then he turned on Ahsoka and sent a full force of lightning at her. She’d managed to get her lightsabers up in time, but it was taking all her effort to shield the attack. Anakin was about to jump up to swing at him again, when two explosions rocked the base of the castle and the floor started cracking between them as part of the structure began to lean at a dangerous angle. The sudden movement threw Ahsoka off balance and the lightning hit her hard. She screamed in pain, lightsabers falling from her hands as she slumped to the floor. 

Anakin was on his feet and jumped across the chasm between them, slashing furiously at Sidious. “You’re weak!” Sidious cackled at him. “You think love will save you? Hah! Only the darkness can do that. I have so much more I could teach you, Vader. So much more power I could give you!”

“I won’t listen to your lies anymore, old man!” Anakin grunted. He let his passion rise to the surface, but instead of using hate, he felt pity for him.

“I’ve never lied to you. I’ve only ever pointed you to the truth.” Sidious taunted him. “Everything I told you through the years was to help you. To show you how those people that you loved only used you. How little you meant to them. But to me, you were like a son. I would’ve done anything for you. I did all of it for you! I paved the way for you to stand at my right side in a glorious new empire. I gave you a life the Jedi never could!”

“Don’t listen to him Anakin, please!” Ahsoka begged from where she’d fallen. “The Jedi made mistakes, we all did, but it was never out of spite or manipulation. We loved you, we still do. Even though we were taught that we shouldn’t. And in our love, we couldn’t see you. It blinded us, Anakin. It blinded us to what you needed.” The emperor tried to draw the duel away from Ahsoka so Anakin couldn’t hear her anymore, but as several more explosions rocked the place, it was his turn to lose his footing. 

Anakin spun his wrist and Sidious’s lightsabers went flying out of his hands. He stood over his dark master; tall, powerful, and in control. 

“Are you really going to kill me, Anakin? After everything I did for you?”

“No,” Anakin replied. “But I doubt I’ll be able to stop her from doing it.” Ahsoka now stood by Anakin’s side, looking just as imposing, her white lightsabers drawn in her reverse grip and she was ready to strike. Her eyes were narrowed in her distinct predatory manner; that the clones and the other Jedi had affectionately referred to as ‘kill mode.’ “There can only be two,” Anakin said after a moment. 

Sidious’s eyes widened as Ahsoka lunged forward. With incredible speed, she blocked his stream of lightning, spun to the side to build momentum and slashed a lethal blow down his chest. “You two? Inherit the Sith?” He gasped as blood gushed down his robe.

“Why not?” Ahsoka snapped. “After all, neither of us are Jedi anymore. You made sure of that." 

The castle tilted, creaking as overhead beams snapped like they were twigs. 

"Time to go,” Ahsoka said turning to run, but the piece of floor they were all on dropped from underneath them and they went sliding down towards the lava below. She managed to catch a jutting beam and, believing that Anakin would also find something to grab onto, she flipped upwards to grab a piece of flooring that was still horizontal. She was about to climb up when she heard Anakin call out from somewhere below. Between the heat waves and the debris, she couldn’t immediately see him. And then her heart nearly stopped in her chest. He was dangling by one robotic arm at the very edge of the broken floor. Holding onto his feet was Sidious, trying to pull him down with him. “I’m coming!” She cried out with pure panic in her voice. She let go of her hold and went sliding fast down the floor piece, grabbing his hand just as it slipped off the edge. She barely got ahold of something with her other hand as the floor piece dropped completely vertical and debris from above rained down on top of them. She couldn’t hold him, he was slipping.

“Let me go,” he said. “My life has no value anymore.”

“It does to me!” She cried, gritting her teeth, willing her hand to stop from being so sweaty, her hands were burning from the hot metal. 

“Ahsoka,” Anakin breathed. “I…” but he couldn’t finish his sentence. Ahsoka glanced up at the pipe that was slipping from her hand. She felt something in the force and then, she let go. All three of them started falling towards the lava below. Sidious, realizing that they’d given into death just to finish him, let go of Anakin’s mechanical ankles and fell away, hitting something with a sickening sound. He bounced off and fell into the molten river. Ahsoka still holding Anakin’s hand, leveled out, spreading her limbs to slow her fall. Anakin did the same, and they both force flipped, landing on the open loading ramp of the ship rushing by below. The same thing Sidious had bounced off of. It was the ghost!

—

Anakin and Ahsoka held onto the edge of the cargo door as the ramp started closing. “Is he really dead?” She asked as the last thing they saw was the fortress collapsing completely into the molten lava.

“I think so,” Anakin said quietly. “I can’t feel him anymore.”

“Good.” Ahsoka sounded relieved, he glanced down at her. “I’m sorry about your home.”

“It wasn’t my home, it was my prison.” Anakin said, trying to control the emotion in his voice. “I’m not too sorry to see it destroyed. In fact, let’s make sure no one ever builds anything here ever again. This planet is off limits!”

“Here, here!” Came a voice from behind them and they turned around to find five people staring at them plus an old c-150 droid.

“Ahsoka!” Ezra spoke first sliding down the ladder to greet her. “I’m sorry we didn’t come back for you! We thought you were gone for sure! I’m glad that’s not true!" 

"That means a lot to me,” she replied smiling at him, “but don’t be troubled by it, I wouldn’t have been there if you had come back.”

“How did you get out of there alive?” Ezra asked, eagerly.

“Well,” she started, glancing at Anakin, “I thought I was a goner, and then out of nowhere, my old master swooped in and rescued me.” She felt him clench slightly next to her. They both knew that wasn’t quite what happened. 

“You’re Anakin Skywalker?” Ezra said with awe, turning towards him.

“I was once.” Anakin replied shifting uncomfortably from the probing gazes. “Maybe I still am.” Only Ahsoka understood what he truly meant by his words. 

Before Ezra could start bombarding him with questions, Ahsoka stepped forward and took charge of the conversation. “Master,” she said, noting his grateful smile at her redirect of the conversation. “I’d like you to meet Ezra, Sabine, Kanaan, Zeb and chopper. And I’m assuming Hera is flying the ship.” Anakin nodded at each of them. “And of course, you already know Rex.”

“It’s good to see you alive, general.” Rex said, saluting him. 

“The feeling is mutual, captain.” Anakin replied. 

“You too, commander.” Rex said softer, turning to Ahsoka. Seeming to sense their need for privacy Kanaan herded everyone out of the room so the three of them could catch up.

—

“I didn’t want to say anything in front of them because I’m not sure they know the truth, but I feel like I deserve an explanation.” Rex spoke first.

“Yes,” Anakin said simply. “You do. Both of you do. I let Chancellor Palpatine manipulate me into believing my friends were really my enemy…” Anakin started and then his voice faded as he was overcome with emotion. Ahsoka put her arm around his shoulders and leaned into him. 

“An explanation is needed, but maybe not right now.” She said protectively. Rex nodded at her. He didn’t appear to want to completely trust him again and she didn’t blame him. He hadn’t been with them as they rediscovered each other. All he knew was that Anakin had become the Sith Lord they were running from. Which meant of course, that the man Rex had always looked up to was responsible for horrendous acts of violence and death. Including, killing the Jedi at the temple on Coruscant, and leading the clones that hadn’t removed their chips to do it. And Rex, had taken that part personally. 

“The short answer,” Anakin said, swallowing hard, “is that I couldn’t control my emotions. I failed as a Jedi. And every time I got attached to someone, they got hurt. And out of fear of losing those closest to me, I was taken in by the promises Sidious offered to help me keep them alive. I just never thought about what it would cost to do that.”

“It cost nearly all the lives of the people who loved you and trusted you!” Rex spat in a rare outburst of anger. “Plus hundreds of thousands more! You want us to just forgive you? Just like that?” He turned and started pacing back and forth, rubbing his hand over his bald head, muttering to himself. It was probably something he did often to control his emotions, just nobody would normally see it when he had his helmet on.

“No,” Anakin replied. “I don’t want forgiveness, or pity, or acceptance. I want to face justice for what I’ve done. I can’t bring them back, I know that. But, there’s still a fight that has to be won. The empire has no idea that their leader is dead. It will take time to bring the galaxy back into balance. Let me help you with that first, and then I will accept the punishment of my actions.”

Rex stilled, and turned back to them. He looked at Ahsoka as if for advice. 

“Nothing will ever right the wrongs that have been committed on all sides…” she started tentatively, “but Anakin is right, there’s still much to be done and we could use his help restoring order. And perhaps when it is all said and done, the sentence will have already been served.” She didn’t have to say more. Both men seemed to understand what she meant. Whether he went to a jail cell or not, he would have to, for the rest of his life, live with the guilt of his actions. The remorse, the pain, and the scars. And they would shape him as the future unfolded. Who he became now, depended on how he dealt with that grief. But at the very least, he deserved the chance to atone for what he’d done. Even if he couldn’t undo it.

Rex nodded and said at last, “I certainly have missed fighting by your side.” He turned and climbed the ladder heading to the cabin.

Sabine stepped through the door just before he reached it. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said, “but senator Organa is requesting your presence on his flagship. Both of you,” she said indicating Anakin and Ahsoka. They smiled and started up the ladder behind Rex. Anakin passed by Sabine with a nod, but she stepped in front of Ahsoka before she could exit. “You sure you want to meet the senator in pajamas?” She mused. 

For the first time since Ahsoka had demanded to go with Vader when he left Malachor, she thought about all the crazy things that had happened. And she was suddenly self-conscious. There was just too much to explain, and she had no idea where to start. 

“Hera or I have some spare clothes if you’d like.” Sabine offered. Ahsoka looked down at the royal blue satin pajama pants that were tucked hap hazardly into her gray boots. The slightly too large, long sleeved, button up top, pinned to her sweaty skin in weird places after she’d put her lightsaber belt and chest plate back on. She could only imagine how silly she must look, and she couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from her mouth.

“Thanks, Sabine,” she said recovering at last, “but I think Bail will understand.” She walked past her, head high, genuine smile on her face for the first time in years. If you can’t be confident in the face of absolute insanity, what’s the point?


	8. Chapter 8

Bail greeted Anakin and Ahsoka with a huge smile. He knew they’d been through so much, but there was so much more to do. He wanted to talk battle plans with them before sending them to some quarters to get some rest. He was delighted to see that Anakin was no longer in the Vader suit, though he had to admit he was troubled. If Anakin was alive, and back to himself, he would eventually have to tell him about Leia… and Luke… and even Obi wan. He dreaded it; it wasn’t that he felt he deserved Anakin and Padme’s children more than him, he just didn’t want to give Leia up. When he’d taken her home to Breha, he had no real belief that she would ever be anything other than their daughter. But that was when he thought Anakin was gone and Padmé, dead. She was just a teenager after all, how would she take the news? He tried to squash his thoughts, reminding himself that Jedi can sense feelings. He looked up in time to see Ahsoka watching him. Stang! He hadn’t shut it down quickly enough.

When Vader had first contacted him, he’d known who he really was. He’d learned the truth from Obi wan and Yoda. In fact, he was one of the few people in the galaxy that had known Vader’s true identity. So when he’d first tried to bring Ahsoka into the rebellion he’d done so cautiously. Did she know what had happened to her master? He was careful how he approached it with her so she never suspected it if she didn’t already know the truth. She hadn’t, which had been the only reason he’d trusted her. He had known she left the order, he learned all about what had happened from Padmé. But he’d had no idea how her connection with her master worked.

Obi wan had admitted that had he not seen Anakin for himself, he never would have believed that he was now a Sith. Which at the time, had told Bail, that just because there was a strong bond between a master and an apprentice, didn’t mean they always knew the truth about each other. But he’d also learned from years as a friend to the Jedi, that master and padawan tended to be very similar in behavior and belief. Bringing Ahsoka into his ranks had been a huge risk. He knew both Padmé and Anakin had trusted her, but that could also be a bad thing in such troubled times. She hadn’t been eager to join the fight, the scars from the last war had still run too deep. But she had been a valuable asset in the times since. Her behavior was not always so Jedi-like, though she still seemed to be a warrior for good. When Kanan and Ezra had reported her “death” at the hands of Vader, Bail had despaired. Both for knowing how hard it must have been for her to discover the truth, but also, he feared if he didn’t kill her, he’d try to turn her. 

That had been the most important thing he’d known about her from day one; she was extremely loyal to Anakin. More so than she was to the Jedi. And though Padmé had pretended it was useless information, Bail had recognized the jealousy in his friend. Especially since Anakin was hugely loyal to Ahsoka as well. Seeing Anakin and Ahsoka talk to and treat each other like lovers, had riled him. Padmé had cared about Anakin’s padawan of course, but she had also been suspicious of their true relationship. And for him to witness such intimacy between them, even after all these years, he couldn’t help but think it had always been that way. Padmé was gone now, Anakin had a right to take other lovers, but it still bothered him. Especially if he ever found out for sure they’d been more while Anakin was married to Padmé. 

“I loved Padmé.” Anakin whispered, breaking into Bail’s thoughts.

Curses, he berated himself for being so easy to read. He glanced at Ahsoka. Her face was neutral. She didn’t appear to be surprised or offended by Anakin’s statement.

“I always will.” Anakin spoke again. 

“I’m sure,” Bail stammered, trying to figure out how to recover from whatever Anakin had read in him.

“I love Anakin,” Ahsoka spoke at last. “But I loved Padmé too. I never came between them. I knew they were a thing from early on. Course, I didn’t know they’d been married.” She said playfully punching Anakin on the shoulder. “Though that does explain a lot.” It was Anakin who showed surprise first.

“You knew?” He asked her.

“Yeah, Skyguy,” she snipped. “Pretty much everyone did. I know why you kept it a secret of course, the Jedi code and all, but subtle, you are most certainly not.”

“Did you know?” Anakin asked Bail.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Did she tell you?”

“No. I figured it out. Padmé wasn’t subtle either.”

“Oh great,” Anakin breathed. 

Bail hadn’t asked them here to talk about the past, though there were things there that needed to be addressed. Now, however, the future was the most important…

“Do you think Obi wan knew?” Anakin asked Ahsoka unable to let the subject drop. Bail had to bite his lip so he didn’t give anything away about Padmé giving birth to the twins before dying and the fact that Obi wan had been there at the time and of course had known who the father was.

“Yeah, he did.” Ahsoka answered. “Like me, he may not have known you were married but he did know that the two of you were a couple.”

“Why didn’t he ever say anything to the council then? If he knew I was breaking Jedi rules, why didn’t he turn me in?”

“Because he loved you, of course. Just like rest of us that knew. Why would we tell on you?”

“But Obi wan was just like all the other Jedi. He told me constantly that attachment wasn’t allowed, always criticizing me for my feelings and how much I cared. If he’d known, he would have told on me.” Anakin sounded frustrated. 

“Do you really believe he was just like all the others? You have to understand, Anakin, master Kenobi had been raised in the temple. He was taught all those things from a young age. He had no life experience before that to think that what he was taught could be wrong. So it was difficult for him to show you or tell you that he did care. He didn’t know how. But love comes out in many ways. It’s not always an obvious statement.” Ahsoka responded to him soothingly.

Bail started feeling as though he shouldn’t even be in the room. But since they were carrying on without care that he was there, he decided to just wait it out. He couldn’t help his curiosity. There was just so much about Skywalker that he didn’t understand. Or the Jedi for that matter. This was a rare opportunity to learn even though neither of them were Jedi anymore.

“But you were raised in the temple too, and you’re not like that at all.” Anakin said looking up at her.

“I was, but I was also raised by you. And you never told me not to care.” She replied simply. “When I wanted people to know I loved them, I’d say things like, ‘I’ll watch your back,’ 'right beside you,’ 'can I come?’ 'Are you okay?’ You don’t have to face it alone,’ 'let me help you.’ 'I won’t leave you…’ It took me a long time to realize those things meant as much as 'I love you,’ they’re just not as obvious. In the beginning, I always misinterpreted your reactions to things as that you didn’t trust me, or believe in me or that you didn’t care. But then one day I realized that no, you cared too much. What I’d perceived as mistrust or doubt, was you trying to protect me. Trying to keep me safe, trying to teach me. Obi wan was the same way. He didn’t always know how to tell you that he cared, so he tried to teach you, or keep you safe.” Anakin sat down in a chair and started weeping. Ahsoka put her arm around his shoulder and held him. She glanced up at Bail, and he understood.

“The last thing Obi wan told me…” Anakin choked out. “Right after I told him how much I hated him, was 'you were my brother Anakin, I loved you.’” As Anakin released that sentence, he fell apart completely. Ahsoka caught him in her arms as he slid out of the chair. “I thought he was lying to me! I thought he was trying to hurt me! It couldn’t have been the truth, he couldn’t love me. Not really. He’d turned Padmé against me…” Ahsoka held him in silence. 

Finally unable to stay quiet anymore, Bail spoke, “I was with Padmé when she died. She loved you until her last breath. You were all she cared about.”

Bail’s words made Anakin manage to pull himself together enough to look up at him. “Thank you.” He said, his voice steadying a bit. Bail was surprised he didn’t ask him any questions about it. Maybe he wasn’t ready to hear anything more. 

“I hadn’t meant to bring up the past,” he said at last, trying to redirect the conversation again. “If the emperor is truly dead, we have an opportunity now to strike them hard.”

“No,” Anakin said standing up, more like the general he’d use to be. “They’ll figure it out soon enough, let them cause their own chaos for a bit. We will wait patiently and then we’ll take it down. To rebuild the Republic, we need more than a few victories, we need to slowly start reforming institutions in order for it to be solid when we take it back. What do you say, Snips? Think a former Sith Lord and a part timer can reboot the Jedi order with some modern sensibilities?”

Ahsoka laughed, “no, even with changes, I don’t think we’re the right ones for the job. But I think I know who might be.”

“The blind one and the kid?” Anakin asked.

“You mean Kanan and Ezra? They’re good, but no, that’s not who I had in mind…” but Ahsoka didn’t have a chance to say who she was thinking of, because the door opened and in wheeled a very familiar droid.

“Artoo!” Anakin cried out his whole face lighting up.

R2D2 beeped happily and rolled over to greet Anakin. 

“I know, my friend. I’m sorry. No, don’t worry. I’m here now. Yes of course. I’ve missed you too!” Anakin carried on. Pretty soon, Anakin and the droid were deep in conversation as if they were telling each other all about a mission. 

“Artoo,” Bail interrupted. “Would you kindly show Anakin to a set of quarters so he can rest?”

The droid beeped obediently. Ahsoka patted its dome top as it rolled by, a smile on her lips as she watched them go still chatting.

A few minutes after they left, Ahsoka finally turned to look at Bail. “Don’t worry about telling him about his children just yet. Let’s give him a chance to remember how to be Anakin Skywalker, before he finds out he’s a father.” Bail looked at her in surprise.

“You knew?” He asked.

“I had suspicions,” she said, “your thoughts earlier confirmed them though." 

"If you don’t mind me asking, what made you suspicious? Besides the usual Jedi reading minds thing?”

She smiled, “Anakin and I didn’t really keep in touch after I left the Jedi order, but I still heard the news. I knew that Senator Amidala was pregnant, who else could be the father? I thought she’d died before she gave birth, but then I remembered something from one of the first time I met with you after the Jedi purge. You were talking to a child. I didn’t see her, but I definitely sensed something familiar about her. I imagine that’s why you never let me meet your daughter, you knew I would sense who she really was. You’re a good man, Bail. Not everyone would have been so willing to take in a child of those two. Not because they were bad, but because they’d be powerful and dangerous, especially to the Emperor. You took an incredible risk to raise her as your own. I’m sure when Anakin finds out, he’ll be appreciative of you raising her with love and support; giving her a life he never had. There’s another too, I can feel it now.”

“Yes,” Bail said. “He’s being watched over by Obi wan.” After having guarded the secret about the old Jedi master for so long, it was strange to say the words aloud. “But you knew that, too…”

“I didn’t know the child was with Obi wan, but I can feel master Kenobi through the force now that the force isn’t so cloudy and empty." 

"I’m surprised Anakin can’t.” Bail said.

“It’s going to take awhile for his senses to recover after everything he’s been through. He will eventually though. But I do believe Obi wan and the future of the Jedi are our best possibility at rebuilding the Republic. Not because we need more warriors, but rather, we need more peacekeepers. We’ll need Jedi help, but they cannot be pulled into another war like the Clone Wars. They need to exist as a beacon of hope; as a symbol of light. Be helpful, but not a military.” Ahsoka sighed. “Palpatine sure knew what he was doing drawing us in and weighing so heavily on us. It forced us to lose sight of who we were meant to be. Just because Jedi can see the future, doesn’t mean we always see the big picture. It’s one of our biggest failings. We’re instinctual, we listen to the force in every moment. And every moment we were drawn deeper in the war, we were pulled further from our roots and our beliefs. And it became harder and harder to make the right decisions.”

Bail patted her on the shoulder. “You should get some rest too. The two of you can take one of my ships to find Obi wan tomorrow. He’s on Tatooine.” She nodded her thanks and then headed down the hallway following in the direction Anakin and Artoo had gone. 

—

Ahsoka hesitated with her hand up in the air about to knock. He’d been through so much in the last few days. Not just fighting the emperor or the major surgery. He’s had to deal with long term beliefs being turned upside down. She should let him have some time to himself. But before she could turn away, she heard him tell her to enter. 

She did so, of course. How could she leave his side now? He was sitting cross legged on the bed platform, he’d removed his shirt. She took a moment to trace the scars that riddled his torso with her eyes. She couldn’t imagine how painful to endure that must have been. He was her old master, the same person she’d always loved. But life had shaped him differently than she ever thought possible. Even in the light again, his energy was different; scarred just like his body. His perspective, his outlook, his beliefs, his desires… they had all changed. 

She removed her armor and kneeled in front of him. Meditating face to face like they used to do all the time. Feeling his presence again in the force… it felt like she was whole again. She’d been lucky enough to never lose limbs, but his absence had felt as though part of her was just gone. Missing him had been the hardest part. In spite of his own chaos, he was comfort to her; he was home. 

She’d always thought of the Jedi as her family, the temple as her home. Until she’d met him. Master Secura had told her that the bond between a master and a student was so deep that it could distract you from your duty. It could cause your devotion to shift from others to them. And that if left unchecked, could cause more harm than good. But whether Ahsoka liked it or not, Anakin had her devotion. Even when they argued, she’d never wanted to be beside anyone else. She respected Master Kenobi, but she was constantly grateful that Anakin had taken her as his apprentice. He was a difficult teacher; a difficult person to be around. But so was she.

Nobody in the temple had really wanted to put up with her. They treated her civilly, but no masters really volunteered to take her on. She’d always believed it was because she wasn’t trying hard enough; that she had to prove herself somehow. There were rumors about the chosen one, of course. He was powerful; unlike any other Jedi. But he was a loner. He was mysterious. He never cared about the younglings, he never taught classes, or shared wisdom. He was standoffish. Amongst the masters he had a reputation for being reckless and frustrating to work with. And, the one thing that had always been clear, was that he never wanted a padawan. 

When master Yoda had called her in to tell her that she was going to Christophsis to meet her new master and to deliver a message, she’d been nervous but excited. She was finally going to get to be an apprentice! But then he’d told her who she was being assigned to, and she’d nearly fainted. He’d given her a choice; she was to meditate on her way there, and when the introductions were made, she’d tell them which one she had chosen. It was clear from the start, that both Master Yoda and Master Kenobi wanted her to be Anakin’s padawan. But if she didn’t feel like she could handle it, Obi wan would take her on. 

She’d done as Master Yoda had instructed; she’d meditated on it all the way there. Anakin had been very confused by her, she knew every time she opened her mouth she wasn’t making a good impression with him. It was clear from the start, he hadn’t wanted anything to do with her. But she couldn’t deny what she’d felt; for better or worse, she was meant to be by his side. She’d been so desperate to prove herself, and yet so scared. She could not imagine ever standing next to him as his equal. She had sassed him mercilessly, trying to sound like she knew more than she did, wanting to impress him. It was a wonder, now that she thought about it, that he hadn’t just let the battle droids kill her. She’d so spectacularly failed giving him a good impression of her that by the end, she wasn’t even sure Obi wan would still want her. But then Anakin had changed. He had promised to train her. She never knew why; she’d simply hoped that he’d felt in the force what she had. She knew from that moment on, she would do whatever it took not to let him down. 

“You want to know why I chose to train you?” He asked suddenly. “Because I saw a fire in you. Like I’d once had. And by the end of that first mission, I knew I couldn’t let anyone put it out.” She opened her eyes to see him staring at her. His eyes had changed again. They weren’t yellow, or dark. But they weren’t completely the blue they used to be either. They were like a mixture of the two. They reminded her of the star charts she’d studied thousands of times. Deep, mysterious, intense… it was like the entire galaxy could be seen in them, and she wanted to explore every corner. “I chose not to teach younglings, because I would never be the teacher they wanted me to be. I disagreed too much with their methods, they didn’t even bother to ask me to after awhile. I hadn’t wanted a padawan for the same reason. I knew I had skill and potential to teach, but the masters never acknowledged it or worse, berated me for it. Chancellor Palpatine was the only one that really praised me. The Jedi, they were always so critical. Praise felt so good, it was a stark contrast to what I was used to. He made me feel like a human. Like I mattered. Not like I was an annoyance people had to put up with. I could sense you felt the same way. And I didn’t want them making you feel unwanted like they’d done to me. From that moment on, I couldn’t let you go. I praised you whenever I thought I could get away with it. And I watched you burn. Laying waste to anything that got in your way. And I loved it. You had the natural ability from day one, what you’d only ever needed was confidence. When you’re only ever criticized, confidence is hard to come by.

Ahsoka could feel the truth in every word he spoke. Not just that he meant what he was saying about her, but also how he spoke from his own experience. She’d been so hurt by the betrayal. How the Jedi had thrown her to the wolves. In that great trial… Anakin had been the only one that hadn’t given up on her. The only one that really cared if she stayed. What they’d done to her had killed him too. He’d always seem to fight the council at every turn, but at the same time, he couldn’t stop being a Jedi. She’d wanted so badly to beg him to come with her that day she walked away, but she couldn’t ask him to give it all up.

But she still had to go. She had to find, as he’d said, confidence. She had been scared that if she’d stayed… she would never find it. That’s what it had been for him. He’d always sounded confident, but in truth, he never was. He was good at pretending, but it had always been a lie. 

She stood up and closed the distance between them. He looked up at her, his eyes… brilliant; sparkling as if they possessed their own source of light. She took his head in her hands, rubbing it softly. "Let’s forget all about the Jedi for awhile." 

—-

His breath caught in his throat. Her presence was intoxicating. He’d been so lonely, so lost. In the days since Malachor, his whole world had flipped upside down. He’d never wanted to remember what it was like to be good. He was afraid to face the consequences of his actions; the punishment he so deserved. But so far, the only punishment had been truth. Truth he’d never been able to see. They’d all been so nice to him. Even Rex’s outburst at him could have been so much worse. He’d once sought love like it was the rarest, most precious gem, only to discover that it wasn’t rare at all, though no less valuable. For years he’d been using people’s compassion against them, laughing at their predictability, savoring the moment of crushed hopes. Every time, disassociating himself further from the time he’d been one of them. Sidious thrived on his disassociation, referring to Skywalker as a separate entity entirely. Until even he’d believed they weren’t the same person. Every life he struck down, had in his eyes, been himself. By murdering them, he was killing his own soul, his own ability to love. 

Finding Ahsoka alive after so many years, had given him a burning desire to crush her. She’d needed to die like the others, she couldn’t find out who he’d become. But somehow, she’d brought Anakin rushing to the surface, barreling in to protect her just like he’d always done. Except this time, it was to protect her from himself. She’d forced his alter egos to fuse again. Forced him to see in stark clarity, what he’d become and what he’d done. And he couldn’t live with that. So he’d tried desperately to separate the two again. And in so doing, he’d almost destroyed her.

Since the moment she’d begged to go with him, a war had erupted inside him. A war he’d long thought he’d won. Every moment it swung one way or the other, every time he was able to come up for air, he was looking at her differently. As the battles ravaged his mind, Anakin had crept closer and closer to the surface. Until not even the poisonous drug that Sidious had been feeding him could keep Vader at the forefront. There really was something more dangerous than darkness; light. Darkness could never be so complete that a single candle couldn’t break it. 

Ahsoka wasn’t a candle, though. She was a fire. Wild, dangerous, reckless, intense and so bright she could blind you. But at the same time so warm and so inviting, that you just wanted to burn in her forever. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards him. Burying his face in her abdomen. He’d been so cold. He never wanted to be that way again. No matter what pain he had to endure for the rest of his life, he would never let go of the warmth that she provided him.


	9. Chapter 9

Obi wan sat on the floor of his modest hut. It was early morning on Tatooine, only one sun had risen so far. He needed to get moving, but he always started his day meditating. He sunk through layer after layer, it was easier now that he’d finally broken through what had been holding him back. Nothing had been resolved, of course, he could just escape it long enough to reach through to the other side.

“Hello, Obi wan,” Qui-Gon’s voice floated around him. 

“Hello, master.” Obi wan replied, allowing himself to relax.

But before they got very far in their daily lesson, something pulled on Obi wan’s senses. He tried waving it away, but what had started as just a tickle of awareness, suddenly became something he couldn’t ignore. He pulled himself up, grabbed his lightsaber and raced outside. He was up to the top of the ridge in no time, looking towards the Lars’ farm. But he couldn’t see or feel any threat. 

His muscles ached, he wasn’t as young as he’d once been. He’d mostly learned to be more patient, calmer. Not needing to jump into every fight that presented an opportunity. His life on Tatooine was a major contrast to the one he’d led on Coruscant. This planet attracted all manner of dangerous life forms, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Some days it was hard to believe he’d once been a general, leading men into battle, fighting for his life day after day. 

He scanned the horizon in all directions. He still felt something, but he couldn’t see anything. Whatever it was, didn’t seem to be coming for Luke… if anything, it was coming for him. 

The force had changed since the last rotation. He didn’t really know what was going on out there, and he avoided calling Bail as much as possible. The less contact, the better. But there was definitely something different. As if something big had changed. The force was less… empty… Could the tide be turning? And what did that mean? Was the emperor losing at last?

Before he could move from the spot, his eyes snapped to the west. Two figures had appeared at the top of the ridge of the farthest sand dune. He couldn’t make out details, but he definitely felt them in the force. Whoever they were, they were both strong. And… familiar…

He ran back to his hut, threw on his robe and mounted one of his eopie, setting off in the direction in which he’d seen them. 

—

“I’m not sure he’ll want to see me, Ahsoka.” Anakin said, stopping. “Maybe you should go alone.”

She turned and put her hand on his shoulder. Since she’d found him again, sometimes it felt as though their roles had reversed. She was the master now, comforting her scared padawan. It was a weird feeling to her. But she also understood, that in a way, Anakin did need a teacher. Not in the ways of the force, or how to swing his lightsaber. Rather, he needed a teacher in life. She worried that he was relying too heavily on her to remind him who he’d once been. That she wasn’t giving him the opportunity to figure it out for himself. She didn’t want to smother him. She’d give anything to have him back just like she remembered him, but she also knew, he couldn’t be that same person. He might not be Vader anymore, but being Anakin might mean something else entirely now. She wanted to teach him everything she’d learned both about life and who he’d once been, but she also wanted him to decide who he was going to be. After everything she’d learned in the past few days, she wanted to be very careful to not let him fall into another slave type role; she wanted him to be allowed to find himself.

“What do you want to do?” She asked him.

“I don’t know,” he replied.

“I’m not going to make the decision for you, Anakin. If you’re not ready, that’s okay. But you have to decide, not me.”

He was quiet for a few moments. “Part of me feels like I’m about to face some serious wrath. But that’s not how he works, even when I deserve it. From Obi wan, I’ll only get disappointment, or worse, he’ll pretend everything’s totally fine. And honestly, I’m not sure what’s worse. I think I’d rather be yelled at.”

“Hmm, you’re right. Master Kenobi isn’t really the yelling type. Look Anakin, I know you don’t think you deserve forgiveness, and maybe there’s things that you’ve done that can never be forgiven… but do not ignore the fact that people can still love in the face of that. Do not belittle it or diminish it. Every moment you believe you’re unworthy of it, only twists it into something terrible.”

“Like it did before?” He asked. 

“Kind of,” she said. “Before, you couldn’t see it as love. This time, you’ll see it, but will you believe it?”

Anakin didn’t have a chance to answer, because a figure had appeared on the next sand dune. He was mounted on an eopie, a four legged beast with a long snout. He wore a dark brown robe, similar to the ones they were wearing to protect themselves from the second sun’s heat as it began to rise in the sky. He rode towards them, and even though Anakin had expressed doubts about their meeting, Ahsoka could sense he watched Obi wan approach with excited anticipation. No matter how he’d felt about his old master throughout the years, he still looked up to him and admired him. 

The eopie stopped about twenty paces out and it’s rider dismounted, patting it gently on the snout.

“Obi wan and his beasts,” Anakin smirked suddenly. “Some things never change.” Ahsoka couldn’t help the smile that formed on her lips. That was the Anakin she remembered. 

The two parties stared at each other for a long while, no one really sure who should go first. Finally Anakin broke into a run closing the distance between them and Obi wan. She watched Master Kenobi catch him in the hug, surprised, but pleased. The eopie made a startled snort and stamped the ground, backing away from them a few feet. Ahsoka decided to let them have their moment. And she turned to take in the scenery around her. There wasn’t much to look at in this desert. She raised her hand to shield her eyes, squinting to see the round top of a building in the distance. A tall metal tower flashing in the sun’s reflection next to it. She could just barely make out figures moving around the farm. But they were indistinct in the haze of the morning suns. There was a pull she felt in that direction. That must be where the boy lived that Obi wan watched over. She knew Anakin’s senses were still too riled to notice some of those things yet. But making up with Obi wan would help him find some balance again.

“Ahsoka!” She turned towards Anakin’s voice. He waved for her to follow them as they made their way to a little home between several ridges, shielded from obvious travel paths and the heat of the suns. A perfect place to be a survivor of order 66.

—

Obi wan sat across the table from them, looking them up and down. His hands shook slightly; for years, he’d thought of little else. To see Anakin again, to talk to him, to laugh with him, even to argue with him. Even with the knowledge of what he’d become, Obi wan had only ever loved him. And he had missed him terribly.

The ache had come and gone. Intensifying again as He watched Anakin’s son grow into a handsome young boy, from a distance of course. The Lars family tolerated his presence, but they didn’t like him getting too close. They seemed convinced that he carried whatever had happened to the boy’s father as if it was a disease that could spread. At the time he’d given them the child, being a Jedi was like being a disease. A death mark for sure. And they had made it clear, they didn’t want the boy raised or trained as one. They’d promised to love him and care for him, despite who his father was, but at the cost of a normal life. 

But now, sitting in his tiny kitchen was Anakin. Obi wan hadn’t been able to kill him on Mustafar. He’d left him for dead, assuming the lava would do what he could not. Somehow Anakin had survived and had become a more powerful Sith Lord than any he’d ever encountered before. He’d raced Padmé to Senator Organa, and was forced to watch her die; leaving behind two tiny children. And Anakin… was their father.

Sometimes he felt as though he should have tried harder to break them apart. He should’ve done what Master Yoda had instructed, and put a stop to their relationship. But he wasn’t blind. No matter what he believed about attachment, Anakin had needed Padmé. She’d been one of the few things that brought him genuine happiness. At some point… he had just left them alone. He’d tried to remind Anakin when he could, about the dangers, but he knew it would never make a difference. So, it was only halfhearted attempts. He’d kept hoping that Anakin would come out and tell him the truth so he could advise him better, but maybe he’d never given him the opportunity to. He thought he had, countless times, but Anakin always held back. Maybe he hadn’t recognized those moments for what he’d intended them to be.

In all his fantasies of Anakin walking across the sand dunes coming home, he’d never pictured it like this. His face was incredibly pale, scars from their fight on Mustafar ran across his now bald head, but probably ran just as deep beneath his skin. He was a shadow of the young strapping boy he’d once been. And next to him, sat Ahsoka. She’d grown into a beautiful woman. He wouldn’t have recognized her had Anakin not called her by name.

She wasn’t the timid, yet mouthy padawan she’d once been. The lost, broken child running from the pain that had been inflicted on her. Her absence had taken its toll on Anakin after she’d left the Jedi order. He’d come to depend on her so completely, Obi wan had never been enough after that. But somehow she’d survived the purge. Somehow she’d found Anakin and somehow she’d saved him. She had done what he could not. And he wanted to pull her into his arms and thank her a million times. 

“Master Kenobi,” Ahsoka broke the silence first, “it’s good to see you.”

“It is good to see you alive and safe. And please, call me Ben.” Obi wan replied with a smile.

“Ben?” Asked Anakin, hiking an eyebrow. 

“It’s an old nickname Satine gave me. I like it. I think it fits me better now.”

“Old Ben Kenobi.” Anakin whistled in disbelief. “My how times change.”

"Indeed.” Ben replied and they all fell silent again. There was so much that needed to be discussed but no one seemed to know where to start. 

“Pretty clever,” Anakin said suddenly as he looked around the hut. “I’d have never thought to look for you on this dust bowl.” Obi wan tried to hide his smile by taking a sip of water from the cup in his hand.

“I think that was the point,” Ahsoka said. “I wish I’d thought of it myself!” To Obi wan’s surprise, Anakin laughed. He couldn’t help but wonder how long they’d been together again before coming here to find him. They seemed to have rekindled much of their past friendship to be able to joke so easily about what had been such a scary time. He wasn’t sure if he should be proud or concerned. He sensed something hidden behind the joke though, regret maybe? Relief? He’d been out of communication for so long, what had happened?

“I’m sorry, master.” Anakin said finally. Bowing his head in shame. “I failed you.” Obi wan was startled by the sudden shift in his mood. Laughing one moment, broken the next. He couldn’t quite grasp how to respond to him. He didn’t know what to say. In spite of everything, Anakin was still a lost child. He still didn’t know how to process his emotions, how to find balance. Before he answered, he glanced at Ahsoka, she was giving him a warning look as if to say, ‘how you respond to him now will shape his entire future.’ No pressure. 

He swallowed a few answers that rose up until finally he understood. “No,” he said at last. “I’m the one that failed. I was trying to teach you to be something other than yourself, and I see now, that it was wrong. I didn’t truly understand who you were, or how much your experiences shaped you. And for that, I’m truly sorry. I’ve had a lot of time to think about everything, and the Jedi order was wrong to burden you with so much without ever offering you the support to get through it. We were afraid of emotions because we’d been taught they were dangerous. So instead of learning to understand them, we hid from them. We pushed them aside and pretended they weren’t there. And some of us could do that better than others. But you, Anakin, you came with memories, you came with relationships, you came with emotions that you’d never been told to hide. And teaching you to push them aside had been an act of denial of everything you were. I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner.”

—

Ahsoka watched as the two of them finally found some middle ground. She didn’t expect everyone Anakin faced to forgive him, but she was grateful they were at least trying to approach him with love rather than hate or anger. So many things in all their lives would have gone completely differently had Anakin been able to see that love before. But the past was the past. It can’t be changed, but it can be learned from, and that was what she wished for him. She wanted him to face it, to stop running from it. Just as she had been forced to do when she left everything she’d ever known behind. It had been the most terrifying thing she’d ever had to do, but when she found herself, there was a calm that nothing could disrupt. Anakin being unpredictable and spontaneous was part of what made him exciting, but she would never ask for that back if it cost him his sanity. 

She got up from the table and wandered outside, leaving them to talk. She didn’t want Anakin to find out he was a father just yet, but at the same time, she was very curious about the boy. Would he be anything like his dad? Or more like his mother? Or neither perhaps, being raised by two other people entirely. She wondered about the girl too. The stark contrast between their two lives, one here on the desert world of Tatooine probably having to work to survive, the other raised in a castle as a princess. She didn’t have to ask why they’d split them up, they’d be safer this way. Now that she knew for sure who they belonged to, she could feel them. They were strong in the force, both would have had natural Jedi abilities. Unsurprising really, but neither trained. 

Padmé had not been a Jedi, though Ahsoka had been convinced on more than one occasion, that she could’ve been one. Maybe Anakin had rubbed off on her. Or maybe her abilities had manifested in different ways. She’d definitely been an incredibly talented and charismatic politician. She’d loved Padmé almost as much as she loved Anakin, which is why she’d let herself be distracted by other love interests that came along. She never would have wanted to come between them. Though she found herself jealous of the way he’d look at Padmé. Wishing he saw her that way. It certainly seemed at the moment, they had potential now to be what she’d always dreamed they could be. But at the same time, she needed to be sure he wasn’t hanging on her like he did on Padmé before. Regardless of the shape their relationship took, especially when his children were added back into the equation, she’d stand by him. As a lover, as a friend… either would be okay. Though she hoped they could be both. 

Figuring they had a lot to catch up on, she decided to go for a run. It had been a long time since she’d just been able to stretch her legs and feel the wind. She jogged out of the valley and took off in a full tilt. She let her senses guide her by opening up completely. It was the first time in years she didn’t hold back or be afraid of letting it go. She’d been so caught up in the euphoric freedom, she hadn’t realized she’d run straight towards the farm.

Her feet led her to its west side, where set back from the house were two gravestones. She was drawn to them and as she got closer she understood why. On the first one was written “Cliegg Lars”, the second, “Shmi Skywalker Lars.” That must be Anakin’s mother… She knelt down in front of her grave. She could feel the memory of his pain. No wonder he hated this planet. She had very little memory of her mother. She’d been brought to the temple so young. Most memories of that age had eventually faded. The Jedi had been the only family she’d ever known. But Anakin had been nine when he came to the temple, which she found out later had actually been the same year as her. He would have remembered his mother. He would have remembered this life. He would have remembered what it was like to be a slave. To be taken from his family. To be brought to such a contrasting world and life. She shivered, thinking of the difference in weather alone between this hot dusty planet, and Coruscant. He would have been so cold. But no one at the temple would have hugged him, or held him, or tucked him in…

She thought about how she has her own grave on Mandalore; one her and Rex had hastily dug to cover their tracks. She wondered if anyone she’d known had ever found it. She’d stared death in the face a thousand times since she’d become a Jedi, but she couldn’t imagine the acute pain that would come from losing a parent. Especially when they had been all you had in the face of such a terrible life.

“Did you know my grandmother?” A voice said behind her. She nearly jumped. She’d been so consumed by her thoughts, she hadn’t felt Anakin’s son approach. She turned and looked up at the handsome, light haired, teenager. She weighed her words carefully, unsure how to answer without giving anything away she shouldn’t.

“No,” she replied at last. “But I’ve heard stories about her.” It wasn’t entirely true and she was sure she’d get caught in the lie somehow. She wished she had heard stories about his mother. “What was she really like?” She decided to redirect the conversation to him as to not get questions about who she was.

The boy knelt down next to her. “I didn’t get to know her,” he said. His voice was soft, like Padmé’s. She studied his face, hoping he wouldn’t notice. He had Anakin’s features, but they weren’t quite as harsh. He had a softness in his demeanor, and his eyes were nearly identical to his father’s. It may be a difficult life on Tatooine, but this boy had been well cared for and well loved. She was grateful for that. “She died before I was born. But my uncle used to talk about her. He said she was one of the kindest people he’d ever known. She’d been a slave before meeting my grandfather. He freed her and brought her here to have a normal life. Sometimes I think I see her in my dreams. She’ll tell me that she loves me. Sometimes she tells me about my father.” Ahsoka’s eyes widened. Had Anakin’s mother been force sensitive too? The boy looked at her suddenly, embarrassed. “You probably think that’s silly.” He said a little nervously. If only she could tell him she was the last person to judge him for a confession like that.

“No I don’t,” she said. “I think people we’ve lost can speak to us in dreams. I think it’s how we keep them close. It’s to help us not be so scared all the time.”

“I like you,” he said. “What’s your name?" 

She hesitated. And then decided he’ll find out eventually, she might as well tell him the truth. She was pretty sure her name wouldn’t have any meaning to him just yet. "Ahsoka,” she said finally. “Ahsoka Tano.”

“My name’s Luke. Luke Skywalker.” He said with a grin.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She said, shaking his outstretched hand. “I should get going,” she stood up.

“I hope we meet again, Ahsoka.” He said waving at her as she went on her way.

“I’m sure we will,” she whispered too softly for him to hear. Instead she glanced over her shoulder with a smile and a wave. And then as soon as she was far enough from the farm, she let the tears roll down her cheeks.


	10. Chapter 10

Anakin and Obi wan had been talking for hours, there was so much to say. He’d noticed that Ahsoka had left, and though he’d worried about her alone out in the desert, he also knew that if anyone could survive out there, it was her. What was bothering him now, was that she still wasn’t back. Twilight was a dangerous time to roam on Tatooine. Especially with the tusken raiders, that liked to ambush people from ridges like those around Obi wan’s house. Every time he got the urge to go look for her, he had to remind himself that she wasn’t his padawan anymore. She was a strong, capable woman who knew better than most how to survive alone. 

While she was gone, they’d had a good heart to heart. He’d told Obi wan about the last fight with the emperor. How Ahsoka had found him and saved him, leaving out the details about almost killing her of course. Obi wan had given him his complete attention, listening to every word he said. If he didn’t know better, he’d think Obi wan missed listening to him. He’d tried to get him to talk about why he’d chosen Tatooine, or why he’d never joined the rebellion, or if there were other Jedi alive still, but he’d hit a wall. He supposed it made sense that Obi wan didn’t trust him at the moment. So he’d talked and Obi wan had listened. He could tell that Obi wan didn’t agree with all his new-found points of view on things, but he didn’t argue with him about it. He seemed to be letting him make up his own mind about it. 

He hadn’t yet brought up their desire for him to help rebuild the Jedi order, he had hoped Ahsoka would be part of that conversation. Mostly he found himself admitting and apologizing for his mistakes and hoping that Obi wan didn’t judge him too harshly. 

“Anakin!” Ahsoka pushed her way into the hut, breathless. He was on his feet ready to defend her.

“Ahsoka? Are you okay?”

“It’s Bail; they think he’s hurt but they can’t find him,” she said trying to catch her breath. “They figured out Palpatine was dead, but instead of fighting amongst themselves, they coordinated a massive attack on several core worlds; Coruscant, Alderaan and Chandrila!”

“What? That doesn’t make any sense! The imperials never act like that unless ordered by the emperor. He couldn’t have survived that. He couldn’t!” Anakin had his hands on his head and was now fretting.

“The intel I got said that Grand Moff Tarkin and Admiral Thrawn led the attack." 

"Stang!” Anakin yelled. “I should’ve known the emperor would have had a plan besides destroying us. He probably ordered them to execute it if they didn’t hear from him in a certain timeframe.” Anakin was pacing around the small hut trying to think. Obi wan and Ahsoka just watched him as if they were waiting for him to lead the charge. 

—

“Ahsoka! Old Ben!” Came a terrified voice from outside the hut. They looked at each other and ran to the source. Luke was tearing through the valley in an old red landspeeder being pursued by sand people with rifles. A shot hit one of the engines of the vehicle, causing it to lurch and throw its driver free of the vehicle causing it to pitch to the right and crash into the edge of the ridge. Ahsoka raced to where the boy had fallen and Obi wan ran towards the raiders yelling something at them to get them to turn away. 

Luke had been knocked out, but otherwise seemed to be un-injured. Ahsoka picked him up and carried him inside Obi wan’s hut. As she tended to him, Anakin stood over them shifting uncomfortably, staring at the boy. Obi wan came inside after a few minutes. Ahsoka looked at him and he pulled out a bottle of strong smelling salts from a cabinet. 

Obi wan then dragged Anakin outside to talk, while Ahsoka tried to wake Luke up. 

“Ahsoka?” Luke said, coming to at last.

“I’m here,” she said pushing him back down when he tried to sit up. 

“I saw a girl!” Luke said. “She’s in trouble! I have to help her! We have to help her!" 

"Calm down, shh…” Ahsoka soothed. “Tell me what you saw.”

“I was cleaning the dinner dishes, thinking about what you’d said about how loved ones appear to us in dreams. And I remembered that every so often I dream about this girl; she’s got long brown hair, it’s usually tied up in buns. She’s beautiful, she wears these pretty white dresses. I don’t know who she is. But she’s kind of grown with me, if that makes any sense. Like she’s always my age whenever I see her. But how could that be possible if she were dead? And then suddenly I could see her again, clear as day. She was staring at me, but as if I was a mirror. And she was pinning up her hair, humming to herself. And then there was an explosion behind her! She’s hurt! She cried out to me! I have to save her!” He started getting up again and froze looking past her.

She followed his gaze and saw Anakin standing in the doorway looking at Luke. His expression was a mixture of bewilderment and concern. It had softened quickly into one of longing. So much for him not finding out he had kids just yet. But now, they had bigger problems. 

“Do you have anything faster than an eopie?” Ahsoka asked Obi wan. 

He just nodded and led the way around to the back of his hut. It was a landspeeder like Luke’s but it could carry all of them. They piled in and set off as fast as they could towards Mos Eisley where Anakin and Ahsoka had left their ship. Obi wan had tried to convince Luke to return to his aunt and uncle’s but he’d refused; saying he’d left them a note. From an old wooden chest, Obi wan had pulled out a lightsaber, all but Luke had recognized it. He’d glanced at Anakin before handing it to his son. Anakin had been unable to find any words and could only just watch the boy out of the corner of his eye as they made their way to the spaceport.

They navigated the still busy streets at that late hour and finally made it back to the ship. 

—

Aboard their star fighter, Anakin finally managed to pull himself together to act. He jumped into the captain’s seat and started the ship. Obi wan had joined him as copilot and Ahsoka sat in the cabin with Luke. She watched him as he sat there, he seemed a little green around the edges. She wanted to comfort him, but she wasn’t sure what to say. The person that needed to talk to him was Anakin, but that would have to wait. 

She finally decided she couldn’t stand the scared look on his face anymore and she crouched down in front of him. He looked up at her with big eyes. She put her hands over his as he held the lightsaber Obi wan had handed him with no explanation. “Do you know what this is?” She asked him softly. He shook his head. “It’s a lightsaber.” He looked down at it surprised. “And it’s not just any lightsaber, it was your father’s.”

“Lightsabers… they’re the weapon of a Jedi aren’t they?" 

"Yes… and no…” she said standing up. She pulled off the robe she’d been wearing, grabbed the lightsabers from her belt and ignited them. They lit up the entire cabin with their white glow. Luke watched her in amazement. “Lightsabers are the weapon of choice for force wielders. The most well-known of those are the Jedi.”

“My father was… is a Jedi? Like you and old Ben? Does that make me a Jedi?” Luke asked, glancing at the door to the bridge. 

At this, Ahsoka sighed and turned off her lightsabers hooking them back to her belt. She sat down across from him. “It’s a complicated story that I’m not sure we have time for right now, nor am I sure that I’m the right one to tell you. But in you, there is the power and potential to be a Jedi, yes. But right now in the galaxy, being a Jedi is a very dangerous life.” He looked disappointed. As if he’d always been hoping for more out of life than moisture farming. Of course, she couldn’t really blame him. His demeanor may be more like his mother, but she could feel his father’s spirit and need for adventure rising up in him. 

She took Anakin’s lightsaber from his hands and started showing him what the different buttons and knobs did. Then she had him try it out. He was a little wobbly at first, and he sliced through a few things she hoped weren’t needed for the ship to fly, but eventually he started getting the hang of it. 

“Crash course in force training,” she said and began to coach him on how to reach the force, how to use it, how the lightsaber plays into it. He was an eager student, and a fast learner. Honestly, she expected no less from the offspring of the chosen one. She couldn’t help but think Leia would be the same way.

“Take a break,” she said after a couple hours of practice. 

Luke turned off the lightsaber. He was sweating and out of breath, but his eyes were bright like he finally found a piece of himself he’d been missing. She recognized that look. To know you’re different than the other kids, but you don’t know how or what it means. Then to find out there are others like you, and that what makes you different is a special gift. It’s like suddenly finding your purpose in life. She remembered that feeling well.

“Ahsoka,” he said after finally catching his breath. Eyes furrowing in confusion, “who is this girl that I keep seeing? You all believed me when I told you what I saw, she’s real right?”

Ahsoka put her hand on his shoulder, “yes, she’s real. She’s your sister.” He looked surprised and then nodded, as if it made perfect sense.

“We’re twins aren’t we? That’s why when I see her, it feels like I’m looking in a mirror, or that she’s looking at me like I’m the mirror.” Before Ahsoka could answer, the door to the bridge opened and Anakin stood there looking down at the two of them. 

He looked like he was about to say something and then couldn’t manage it. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like to think his wife had died before giving birth only to find out years later that he had two kids and they’re just fine. Especially on top of everything else that had happened to him. 

Thankfully, at least how Ahsoka saw it, Luke had enough questions to get the ball rolling. 

“You’re my father, aren’t you?” Luke asked, but it wasn’t really a question. “My uncle said you’d died, just like my mother.”

At this, finally Anakin found words. He sat down heavily next to his son, “in a way, I did die.” He said. 

Realizing that Anakin knew what he had to say, Ahsoka got up, touched him briefly on the arm and joined Obi wan on the bridge.

—

Obi wan sat in silence for a while after Ahsoka joined him. Musing to himself that he could not have imagined what this day would bring when he’d gotten up this morning. On one hand, it felt as though no time had passed and they were off on the next mission of the war. On the other, everything felt so completely absurd, he had to keep pinching himself to see if he was actually awake. The emperor was dead, Anakin was no longer Vader or a Sith Lord, Ahsoka was alive, Luke now knew who his father was and that he had a twin sister and that he could be a Jedi… Bail and Leia might be hurt somewhere… it was too much to wrap his head around. And of course, now after years of solitude and hiding, he’s back in the action and has to remember how to be a Jedi. If he’d ever known to begin with. After everything he’d thought about in his isolation and everything that Anakin had told him that afternoon, he wasn’t sure he really knew what a Jedi was supposed to be. He could recite the code until his dying breath, but did it mean anything to him anymore?

“There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the force.”

Every one of those statements had been proven false, time and time again. If you didn’t have emotions, you would only feel emptiness not peace. You can be ignorant even with all the knowledge possible to possess. True serenity in life comes from a sense of purpose and passion. There cannot be harmony without its opposite. And death? Yes there’s death. So much death… he could count hundreds of deaths, each more painful than the last. But the worst form of death is not when your body decays, but when your spirit does. But even that you can be reborn from. Anakin was living proof of that. 

He glanced over at Ahsoka meditating next to him. “How did you find your way, without the Jedi?” He asked her.

“It was difficult,” she answered without opening her eyes. “But I followed my instincts. I tried to live like I’d been taught whether I was a Jedi anymore or not, but after the purge, I opened my eyes to the rest of the world. And I started seeing all the things I’d never noticed before. I think it was living amongst non-force wielders that truly made me understand what I was, what I had, and what I needed to do. I don’t ever remember being that sure while I was at the temple. I was taught how to be a Jedi, but never how to be a person. Anakin tried to, but he didn’t know either. I’m not sure any of us really did.”

Obi wan chewed on her words for a while. Now that he really thought about it, she was right. In pursuit of being protectors of humanity, they lost their own. 

“Thank you for doing what I could not.” He said after a few minutes of silence.

At this, she did open her eyes, “what is that?” She asked confused.

“For saving him.”

“Oh…” she breathed and patted his arm.

“All those years, I always thought I was doing what was best for him, only to find out… I didn’t ever know what was best for him. You clearly knew better how to reach him then I ever did.”

“When you’re trying to learn from someone, it’s easier to listen to them.” She said simply.

“I listened to him all the time,” Obi wan sighed. “I just never heard him." 

"You can’t blame yourself. Anakin was a hard person to reach. All I ever did was love him, and it still took a lot to get through to him." 

"How did you, finally?” He asked her.

“I followed him into the darkness.” She answered a little tentatively as if she believed he’d be appalled. She was right, he was appalled, but not that she’d done it, but rather that she’d survived it. She certainly didn’t feel tainted. “It’s not true what they taught us, you know. Turning to the dark side, doesn’t mean you’re lost to the light forever.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Obi wan watched her, waiting for her to go on, but she didn’t. 

When she was training with Anakin, he’d always thought her fearlessness was foolish, but now he saw the true bravery in her. Fearlessness had a cost, and it wasn’t always your life, or the lives of others. Sometimes it was just seeing too much. He thought back to the beginning of the Clone Wars and his trying time on Zigoola. What it had been like to be consumed by the darkness and want to destroy everything in your path. It had taken every ounce of will he’d had to fight it, and even so, he lost the battle many times. He remembered what it was like fighting Anakin on Mustafar. And that was before he’d been completely transformed into Vader. What Ahsoka must have borne witness to in order to find him in the darkness, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to imagine. And to understand what it must have been like to fight it… he’d never think her fearlessness as foolish, ever again.


	11. Chapter 11

It took them about three and a half standard days to get to Alderaan. Everyone on the ship was on edge. Ahsoka had been in touch with Rex, Hera and Commander Sato, but no one had any updates on Bail. The only thing they knew was that the Empire had put into action a full scale invasion on each of the three worlds. The rebels were spread thin trying to help, and only on Chandrila had any of them broken through the blockade. She wasn’t worried about blockades really, especially now that they had Anakin again. He’d always been the master of breaking them and now, he had insider information on imperial tactics.

The ghost crew had agreed to meet them when they got to Alderaan. Anakin had requested Kanan and Ezra’s help. He was convinced that a group of Jedi appearing right about now was exactly what the galaxy needed to see. The three of them had taken turns training Luke during the trip and he was doing incredibly well. Ahsoka really wasn’t sure she was ready to run into yet another war after everything she’d told Bail, but the Jedi order wasn’t reformed yet and as far as she was concerned, rescuing might still be part of their jobs.

They came out of hyperspace into the middle of a fire fight. There was ships and lasers everywhere. They bobbed and weaved through the brunt of it, mostly ignored by those already in the fight. Anakin was back in his element; even Hera, a renowned pilot, had trouble keeping up with him. Ahsoka hoped this wouldn’t be one of the times he crashed, but to her surprise he wasn’t taking the same risks he used to. The ghost pulled up leading the ties that had caught sight of them into a circle and then paraded them right in front of their starfighter. Anakin hit all three on the first pass. The two ships then weaved through destroyers and rendezvoused on the edge of the battle where they were able to slip down to the surface.

The damage to the castle was pretty extensive, but it didn’t seem to be crawling with storm troopers. There were too many tanks and walkers nearby to land safely nearby, so they hid themselves in the mountains.

Ahsoka noticed that Luke was gripping the back of the chair so hard his knuckles were turning white. “Are you okay?” She asked him.

He looked up at her, eyes wide. “I can see her, she’s hurt real bad.”

Ahsoka put her hand on his shoulder. “We’ll find her. Don’t worry.” And then she led him into a quiet corner of the ship. “The Jedi always taught to not feel emotions, but that’s impossible. You will always be feeling something. But when we’re fighting to survive out there, we have to be focused. Feel the force, use it. Let it give you peace and clarity. If you can quiet your worry and your fear, you will be able to hear her. Do you think you can do that?” He nodded. “Good,” she said. “Stay close to us.”

Anakin landed the ship about five clicks away from the castle. Kanan and Ezra joined them there. Huddled together, they discussed strategy.

Anakin did not want them splitting up; they’d have better luck staying together. This wasn’t a battle to win, this was a rescue mission. They were going to sneak through the lines, helping people as best they could, without drawing lots of attention on themselves. They found a small group of storm troopers and decided to use them as disguises. With Kanan, Ezra and Luke now dressed in imperial armor, they marched forward towards the castle.

Once in the castle though, they were forced to split up, there was too much ground to cover. Kanan and Ezra, still dressed as storm troopers had gone out to cause a diversion. Ahsoka and Luke had gone to find Leia. And Anakin and Obi wan went off in search of Bail and his wife, and any other survivors they could find.

—

Luke led Ahsoka straight through the castle, purely on instinct, to where he’d seen Leia in the vision. The place was a disaster zone, so progress was slow. When they finally found her, she was trapped under some debris. Dried blood decorated her normally white dress, but she was alive and alert.

“My name’s Luke,” he said as him and Ahsoka started lifting the debris off her. “I’m here to rescue you!”

“Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?” Leia asked.

“What? Oh right.” He said and removed the helmet. He helped Leia stand, she was weak and not very steady, so she had to lean on him in order to walk.

“Luke! Look out!” Ahsoka said force pushing him and his sister through a door and letting it close. An explosion rocked the place, and Luke protected Leia from more falling debris, eyeing the wall they’d just been pushed past to make sure it didn’t fall on them.

“Are you okay?” He asked Leia, helping her up again after the dust cleared.

“Yeah,” she said. “Just not very popular the last few days!” He smiled. He’d only just met her, of course, but he loved her already. He pushed on the door, but it didn’t budge. They were in what was left of a bathroom, so there was no other way out. He pushed again, the door wiggled a little. Then he tried to use the force to open the door. He could hear some things scraping on the other side as if they were being pushed away, but the door still wasn’t opening far enough for them to get out.

“What’s that?” Leia asked, pointing to the weapon hanging from his belt.

“A lightsaber,” Luke replied, trying again to force push stuff out from in front of the door. Leia grabbed it and ignited it, causing Luke to step back so it didn’t hit him. And then she shoved it in the door and started cutting a hole with it.

“Well I was right,” she said while she worked on the door, “you’re definitely not a stormtrooper.”

“I’m a Jedi. Well… I’m training to be one.” Luke said sheepishly as he watched her work.

“Well… keep training.” She said sassily.

They both pushed the cut part out when she finished and climbed through. She handed the lightsaber back to him as he caught her arm around his shoulders to steady her. “Maybe you should hold onto that for now.”

“Naw,” she replied tiredly, “but find me a blaster, and I’ll help.” They stumbled through the debris, but they didn’t see Ahsoka anywhere. She couldn’t have gotten that far. Then he heard something move under several layers of broken debris.

“Dad!!” Luke yelled.

—

Anakin felt his son’s yell more than he heard it. He took off running in that direction, Obi wan right on his heels. He’d heard the explosion, but he didn’t think any of them had been near it. But now, that’s exactly where he was racing to. He skidded around the corner to find Luke desperately trying to dig through some wreckage. A pretty teenage girl sitting to the side trying to help him. But no sign of Ahsoka. Then he heard the reason why they were digging.

“Step back,” he said. Luke and Leia both looked up at him in surprise, but obeyed. Him and Obi wan used the force to move several layers of junk. Revealing Ahsoka who’d been trapped under a fallen wall. She was badly hurt. One leg was sticking out at a weird angle, she had blood down the side of her face, and there was shrapnel sticking out of her side. “Luke, help your sister to the ship. I’ll be right behind you. Be careful.” His son nodded at him and again helped Leia up. 

“Will she be okay?” Luke asked fearfully.

“Yes,” Anakin breathed, hoping he was telling the truth.

“I’ll go see if I can find Bail and Breha,” Obi wan said leaving Anakin alone with Ahsoka.

“Ahsoka,” Anakin whispered. She stirred a little and opened her eyes. “Ahsoka, I need to get you to the ship, but I have to move you. It’s going to hurt a lot! You need medical care.”

She smiled wistfully at him, “the only thing I need is your love.”

“Love won’t save you,” he said choking up. He’d said the same thing to Padmé before she’d died.

“You’re wrong, Anakin…” she said reaching up to touch his lips with her fingertips. He kissed them as they brushed by. “It’s the only thing that ever has…” she swallowed as blood dribbled out of the corner of her mouth. “It saved you, too.”

—

“It’s the princess!” Someone in the gathering crowd, yelled. Luke was supporting Leia as she limped down the street. He had one arm around her back and in his other, the lit blue lightsaber that had belonged to his father. She was holding a blaster with the hand that wasn’t thrown around his shoulders, but he’d told her to switch it to stun.

When they’d left the castle to head back to the ship as their father had instructed, he thought they needed to sneak away. But then he’d seen Anakin behind him, carrying Ahsoka in his arms; tall, strong, confident and radiating power. And suddenly Luke had felt calm, like he knew just what to do. And he had diverted his course to the main road.

“The Jedi saved her!” Someone else cried.

“Look! It’s the queen too!” The crowd started cheering, as Obi wan fell in step not far behind Anakin. Walking between him and Bail, was Breha. Behind them were a few servants and some other survivors. Kanan and Ezra caught up with them as they too caused whispers to erupt through the crowd. They were wearing storm trooper armor, but had the helmets off. And their lightsabers were still lit as they deflected stray blaster bolts.

“I thought the Jedi were dead!” Came a voice to their right.

Luke paraded them down the street daring the imperials to fire on them. They seemed to hesitate at first, but then did open fire. As Kanan, Ezra, Obi wan and Luke deflected bolts away from the royal family, Luke yelled behind them not to kill. As they continued to march, they sliced weapons in half and acted only as a protective unit.

“They rescued the royal family.” Another onlooker spoke.

The crowd of people had been so happy to see the royal family alive that they’d jumped into the fray. Pretty soon, the imperials were overwhelmed as more and more people rose up to resist.

“It’s not the Jedi that are the enemy, it’s the empire!” Citizens on all sides were now knocking down storm troopers.

The group of Jedi were allowed to pass without further incident.

Luke led them back to the ship where they took off and headed to the medical base on the far side of the city.

—

Bail was looking around him at all the people gathered there. He was proud of his people. The ones that stood up to the empire. The ones that seemed to realize that the Jedi had not been the enemy after all. He was despairing for all the lives lost on his home planet and the others. But to see the people rise up gave him hope. Perhaps after all this time, the tide could finally turn.

He was sitting next to the bed where Leia slept. She had a few major injuries, but thankfully nothing life threatening. Breha and him had been far enough from the first blast that they’d been able to rush as many people as they could find into a shelter. The following blasts had buried the shelter entrance and they’d been trapped. But he hadn’t been able to get to Leia. For the four days they were trapped down there he had no idea if she was okay or even alive. It had been the hardest few days of his life.

Then to see Obi wan smiling down at them from the entrance of the shelter, it had been a miracle. His old friend in many ways represented a symbol of hope and light. But now that everyone’s wounds had been tended to and stabilized, came the harder task of diplomacy. Secrets long kept had completely unraveled, and the truth reared its painful head. Anakin now knew about both his children. And the empire now knew that Obi wan and other Jedi were still alive. Marching through the street like that had been a bold move. But perhaps… that was exactly what had been needed. If other systems began to see the Jedi as a symbol of good again, they’d rally to help defeat the empire. Ahsoka had been clear that the Jedi, if restored, should not be pulled into another war. But maybe if they were seen rescuing and providing relief rather than fighting or leading battles, it would still provide the advantage they needed.

Bail’s thoughts wandered to the boy. In such a short amount of time he had showed incredible proficiency with both a lightsaber and the force. He imagined if given the opportunity Leia would demonstrate the same ability. But Luke was nothing like what he’d always pictured. He always imagined he’d be a miniature version of his father. Which, as terrible as it was to admit it, was the main reason he’d volunteered to adopt the girl. In dramatic irony, his plan had backfired, if either of them was more like Anakin, it was Leia. But now that he was finally getting to know Anakin, maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

Anakin had been known for being a true symbol of good. He had constantly won battles many believed to be lost causes. His reputation as a general had been legendary, even amongst the separatists. He was notorious for losing ships, but otherwise had one of the lowest casualty rates of any of the generals. He was brilliant, if not reckless. He could see why Padmé would find him attractive and interesting. And clearly every one that had been close to him, had loved him deeply.

But as he was finally starting to understand, Anakin had had so much baggage and emotional instability, he’d been like an armed bomb just waiting to explode. The Anakin that Bail was getting to know now, was quite a bit different. He was still powerful and dangerous, but he was calmer and more thoughtful. And he was now burdened with the difficult task of atonement. Both with those he’d hurt and himself. Bail did not envy him. Everyone around him seemed to be willing to give him a second chance, and he supposed, he deserved it. He may have made some terrible choices that led him down such a dark and lonely path, but to her last breath, Padmé had believed there was still good in him. He was sorry that she couldn’t be here to see that she’d been right. But it was only fair to her memory, to try and help him in any way he could. Whatever happened from here on out, they were all in this together.


	12. Chapter 12

Anakin paced the hallway between Ahsoka’s room and Leia’s room. So many things had changed in the last month that he found himself wondering what was left in his life to be turned upside down. One minute he’d been a Sith Lord walking down the darkest path, the next minute he was a father and fighting for good again. Emperor Sidious had told him, when he’d first discovered Ahsoka was still alive, that it had been prophesied that they would meet, fight and that the outcome would define who he was. In his words, Anakin had been certain that it meant he was destined to destroy her and forever seal himself as Vader. But evil or not, Sidious had spoken only truth.

The outcome of their duel HAD determined who he was. It just wasn’t who he expected he’d be. For years he had swallowed the anger and hate. For years he had allowed the storm to rage inside him; he’d let the monster win. Through the lens of the dark side everything he had once been could only be seen as wrong. Everyone he’d once loved could only be the enemy. He lived and breathed that hatred, bent only on destroying any reminder of that self. The Jedi were the enemy, Obi wan was the enemy, Ahsoka was the enemy and Padmé was the enemy. He had allowed that belief to sit inside his broken chest and pump its poison through his veins. He had lived it. He took his need for vengeance out on everyone he met. Jedi, rebel, imperial, civilian… it didn’t really matter.

He had not felt remorse, or sadness or sorrow. He had not allowed himself to think about it; to ask questions or to search for answers. Somewhere in the back of his brain he had committed so completely to the monster he’d become, that even if Skywalker still lived inside him, he was beyond redemption. He’d believed there was nothing in there worth saving. He’d believed that on Mustafar when Padmé had tried to get him to go back with her. He’d believed it when Obi wan had told him he loved him. And he’d believed it on Malachor when Ahsoka had refused to leave him. The three people he had loved the most had each tried to tell him that he wasn’t beyond redemption and he had ignored them all.

Now as he looked around himself, he saw warmth; friendly faces, encouraging smiles… hope. And he realized that no one is beyond saving. To be saved, however, you have to want to be. And to want to be, you have to believe there’s something worth saving.

He’d spent years, after meeting Padmé for the first time on Tatooine, believing that if he ever had to live without her, there’d be no point to life. And when the emperor had told him that he had killed her, the one thing he’d been the most afraid to lose… that was the moment he lost the fight. The fight for something more. After that, he’d been just an empty shell; a machine. He couldn’t survive without specialized apparatus to keep his broken body living. And he’d become the ultimate slave; believing like Dooku, Ventress and Grievous that he had a say in his life, but he never had control. That was the true curse of the Sith; he was forced to give up his own will for the sake of unimaginable power. But what is the point of power, when there is no purpose? Even if Sidious had taught him what he’d promised in order to keep Padmé alive… she had not lived long enough to use it on her.

And now in perfect clarity, he realized; that had been the point. The promise was enough to enslave you. It never really mattered if they followed through.

The others had tried to save him, hoping their words would be enough. And they should have been. But he had been so lost and confused that he’d not been able to see the truth in them. Maybe he hadn’t wanted to see the truth.

But Ahsoka, in her never ending fearlessness, had walked straight into the darkness, danced with the dragon, and ignited his long dormant soul. And he would never know what it cost her to do that. Had their destiny been sealed the first moment they met? What had he ever done to deserve such loyalty?

“You loved me.” Ahsoka said, standing in the doorway of her room. She’d pulled on a white robe over the hospital dress. She looked a little pale, but she had lived through worse injuries. He hadn’t realized she’d been standing there, he’d been so lost in thought. “One act of love, can change someone’s entire life.” She whispered.

“I’m starting to see that,” he said, walking over to her and pulling her into his arms. “You should be resting, though.”

“I needed to check on you first. I could feel the heat waves in my sleep.” She laughed a little hoarsely.

“I’ll work on toning it down a bit then.” He retorted.

“No, don’t” she said, her voice a little muffled in his chest.

He rubbed the back lekku, and then dropped his hands to her shoulders and massaged them.

“How are you?” She asked after a few minutes, tipping her head back to look up at his face.

“Tired.” He admitted.

“Come on,” she said pulling on him and he let her lead him down the hallway and out into the night air. They sat down on a bench in the courtyard. She laid back so her head was in his lap and stared up at the stars. He admired their reflection in her eyes.

—

“Do you ever wonder how different our lives would have been if we’d never been brought to the temple?” Ahsoka asked at last.

“I usually tried not to think about it. Although I have to admit that sometimes missing my mother made me wonder if the life I’d chosen was really better than the one I’d left behind.” He answered thoughtfully.

“I know you don’t like talking about your past, but will you tell me about her? What was she like?”

Anakin didn’t really want to open yet another wound, but since he was already pouring everything out, he might as well. To his surprise though, most of the stories he started telling were all good memories rather than regrets.

“Was your mother force sensitive too?” She asked after awhile.

“I don’t think so,” he said, “but I suppose she could have been. Why do you ask?”

“Your son told me, when I first met him, that sometimes he sees her in dreams. That she’s always telling him that she loves him, and that sometimes, she’d talk about you. I know that we were taught that when people die, they become one with the force and keep nothing of their individual identity. But I’m not so sure anymore… not just because of what Luke said, but also, my own experiences. My own dreams.” Ahsoka said.

Anakin realized he was holding his breath waiting for her to go on. Thankfully she did.

“When darkness fell after order 66. I couldn’t find anyone in the force. You, Obi wan, Yoda… not even the Jedi as a whole. It was a scary time to be so cut off from it all. But I had dreams. Dreams of people, I had once known. Dreams of people I knew to be dead. Sometimes they’d talk to me. Sometimes they were just there. I always thought they were just memories, but what if they were more? The strange part was, most of the people that appeared to me like this had never been Jedi. It was almost as if I lived close to the veil, like somehow there was a portal in me between life and death and it was easy for them to come through. You never did, though.”

“Ahsoka…” Anakin breathed.

“Did saying that hurt you?” She asked worriedly.

“No, it’s just…” he hesitated wondering how to say it. “Do you remember on Mortis, when you woke up and found the daughter dead next to you? You asked what was going on and neither Obi wan or I would tell you?”

“Yes I remember. That was a strange place.”

“Do you know what really happened there?” He persisted. But she shook her head.

“You died…” he said finally. It was hard to say the words out loud. “The Son killed you… and then the Daughter, the Daughter used her last bit of power to bring you back to life…”

She sat up suddenly. “You mean I was touched by both the light and dark? No wonder you hadn’t wanted to tell me that.” She laid back down after a moment. “That explains my dream.”

“Which one?” He asked, gently stroking her face.

“The one right before we fought Sidious.” She started. “The Daughter… she’d been protecting me from these cloaked figures, but then one of them hurt her and she fell. And then she told me that we were one… when I begged her for an explanation, the only thing she told me was that he was coming…” Ahsoka paused unsure of how much more to say about it. “She’s one of the main characters in all my dreams, like she’s always there. I never really understood why. But, if she sacrificed herself to save me… maybe she lives inside me now. It might be why I always see her.”

“Do you ever see the Son too?” Anakin asked with anticipation.

“No…” she said. “Do you?”

“He sometimes haunts my dreams and my meditations.”

“Does he live in you?”

“I don’t think he does the same way the Daughter does in you. But then again, maybe not all the dead become one with the force.” Anakin whispered.

“Normally, I would tell you that’s impossible.” Obi wan leaned over the back of the bench startling both Anakin and Ahsoka.

“Master Obi wan!” Ahsoka said a little sheepishly sitting up.

“No no, carry on.” He replied. “Everyone has just been worried sick wondering where you disappeared to.”

“Sorry,” she said properly chastised. “I just needed some fresh air.”

“Wait, what did you mean ‘normally’?” Anakin asked. “How long were you listening?”

“From when you first started talking about Mortis.” Obi wan confessed, sitting on the other side of Ahsoka as she put her feet down and scooted into the middle making room for him to join them. “Do you want to know what I was doing on Tatooine, besides watching over Luke?” They both nodded. “I was training.”

“With who?” Anakin asked.

“With an old friend. Master Qui-Gon.” Obi wan sighed. Anakin’s mouth worked like he was trying to say something, but nothing came out. Obi wan spared him the trouble by continuing. “I’d always believed what I’d been taught about the force and death. That when a person dies, their spirit mixes with the force as a whole. That no original identity can remain. That they’re still with us, but not in the same way. But then Master Yoda told me, just as I was about to take Luke to Tatooine, that master Qui-Gon had learned how to keep his identity in the afterlife; in order to help train future generations. And that I too, was to learn that ability in the event that all the Jedi were eradicated to preserve the knowledge and to pass it on someday.” Obi wan fell silent in contemplation. Neither Anakin or Ahsoka knew how to respond to that.

“Anakin, do you know why Qui-Gon was never made a member of the Jedi council?” Obi wan spoke again at last.

“I know that he disagreed with them and that like me, he didn’t always do what they asked.” Anakin replied carefully.

“It’s because he associated with a group known as the Gray Jedi.” Obi wan said.

“The Gray Jedi?” Anakin asked surprised. “I thought they were a myth.”

“That’s what they wanted people to think. They were a secret order amongst our ranks. They didn’t believe in the Jedi code as it read. They had their own. Many of them were shadows, so not well known already. The council allowed them to exist, but did not trust them. And most certainly did not allow them representation on the council. Master Qui-Gon was one of them. He used to try to teach me about them, but I always thought it was wrong; too abstract for what I was taught by the others. To me, being a successful Jedi meant sitting on the council, and I would never get involved in an organization that could hurt my chances of that. But after years of reflection in my isolation on Tatooine, I’ve come to understand that perhaps there was more to their code than what I first thought. And if any of us here represent that middle ground, it is Ahsoka.”

“What? How? I’ve never even heard of them until now!” She said.

“Well, my child, it seems you found your way there all on your own. Perhaps the same way the other ones did.”

“But how can I live by a doctrine I don’t even know?”

“There is no dark side, nor a light side. There is only the force. I will do what I must to keep the balance. There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish. There is passion, yet peace. There is serenity, yet emotion. Chaos, yet order. I am the wielder of the flame, the protector of balance. I am the holder of the torch, lighting the way. I am the keeper of the flame, soldier of balance. I am the guardian of balance. I am a gray Jedi.” They hung on every word as if it were hypnotizing them.

—

“It was a Gray Jedi that prophesied the Chosen One. The one meant to bring balance to the force.” Obi wan said, watching their rapt faces as they processed what he was trying to tell them.

“And Gray Jedi are the protectors and keepers of balance…” Anakin looked at Ahsoka suddenly. “Master Qui-Gon wanted to train me as a Gray Jedi.”

“Yes.” Obi wan said. “With the Chosen One as a protector of balance, the prophecy would be fulfilled.” Ahsoka looked between the two of them.

“Clearly there are holes in my information,” she said tentatively, “but… even without being trained as one of these Gray Jedi… Anakin still brought balance to the force. Did he not? It just swung like pendulum rather than a smooth transition…”

Anakin stared at Ahsoka with such intense concentration, that Obi wan felt embarrassed to be so close. He was at a loss for words too. She was right, he had brought balance. Or at least had started to.

“That’s why they were scared of me; that’s why they didn’t want to train me!” Anakin stood up so fast Ahsoka let out a little yelp. “It’s right there in the code. The Gray Jedi will do what they 'must’ to bring balance to the force.” Anakin started pacing back and forth, Obi wan and Ahsoka watched him in silence.

“And sometimes that means…” Ahsoka started but trailed off.

“Sometimes that means walking the opposite path…” Anakin finished for her. “The council knew if the Chosen One had been found… it meant the end of the Sith… And the Jedi…”

“It would seem that way, yes.” Obi wan sighed suddenly very weary. “We all had a very different idea of what the Chosen One meant and what they would do.”

“The Jedi believed that wiping out the Sith meant balance. And the Sith believed that wiping out the Jedi would bring balance. And the Gray Jedi…” Anakin started.

“Knew that there was no light or dark, and balance meant they both had to end.” It was Ahsoka’s turn to finish the thought.

—

“We are one,“ the Daughter’s words echoed in Ahsoka’s head. "You mustn’t fall, or the light dies.” She hadn’t meant the light in the galaxy… she’d meant the light in Anakin. On Mortis; the Son, who represented the dark side, had killed the Daughter, who represented the light side. In order to balance the force, Anakin, the Chosen One, had to kill the Son. But Anakin had first joined with the Son.

The pattern had then repeated; he’d joined the Son by becoming a Sith. He had then killed the Daughter; the Jedi. Then, to bring balance to the force, Anakin had to destroy the Sith, by destroying the emperor and Vader. And then just as the force wielders on Mortis had predicted; he became the Father. The Chosen One. The middle. The balance between all good things and all evil things. The only one that controlled them both. And she… she was the protector of balance. She’d walked both sides as the wielder of the torch to guard Anakin; to guard balance…

That was more power than one person should ever be burdened with.

She was starting to think she hadn’t been feeling good enough to leave the hospital bed after all. Her head was spinning. Did Anakin fully understand what he was saying? What being a Gray Jedi meant? Both for force wielders and non force wielders? The light side works with the natural order, the dark side against the natural order. And the middle must mean that sometimes you have to let awful things happen to not interfere with either. As painful as it was, it felt as though everything was slowly starting to fall into place; like a puzzle that’s picture was nothing like it had advertised.

She stood up too fast, but got dizzy and almost fell. Anakin caught her. His eyes were wide with concern.

“Ahsoka? Are you alright?” Obi wan asked.

“Yeah, just a little tired.” She stammered. “I think I should get some rest now.” Anakin slid his arm around her and helped her back inside.

“There you are!” Bail said coming out of Leia’s room. “She’s awake, I thought.. you might want to meet her. Get a proper introduction, you know?” He looked away. Ahsoka saw some tears glimmering in his eyes.

“I do,” Anakin said but glanced at Ahsoka as though he’d rather stay with her.

“You go ahead,” she said. “I’m okay now.” He looked over his shoulder at her as he followed Bail and she tried to hide that she’d grabbed the wall to steady herself.

She stayed in the hallway with Obi wan for a few minutes as she watched Anakin start talking to Luke and Leia.

“Do you think he’ll be a good dad?” Obi wan asked after awhile.

“Definitely,” she responded, following him with her eyes. It was a strange sight, but it seemed more and more natural as it went along. Pretty soon they were all laughing at something Bail had said. Did she fit into it anywhere? She wondered. Did she want to?

Master Yoda had instructed her to meditate about whether or not she should be Anakin’s padawan all those years ago. And the force had told her, yes. With such a certainty that she couldn’t ignore it. Had it been destiny? Fate? Had the force known how all of it would unfold? Had it really been the emperor pulling all the strings? Or had he been just another pawn like the rest of them? At the time, it had seemed like any other time she’d reached into the force for guidance. But now, after everything had unfolded… maybe that had been so much more. Anakin kept calling her a fire. The Gray Jedi code also referred to a flame.

Had she ever wondered what her life would have been like if she’d never been brought to the temple? Yes, a million times over, especially after she’d left the order. But she could never have guessed what it would mean to be the Chosen One’s padawan. And the responsibility that came with it. But then again… she’d made an oath that day when the decision was made, one that went far beyond any the Jedi order had expected or even knew about; she would protect him at all costs. Even if it meant protecting him from himself. 'I will do what I must, to keep the balance…’ she’d been a Gray Jedi long before she even knew what that meant.

—

Obi wan stood in the hallway indecisive. In one room was Anakin, Luke, Leia and Bail; a happy moment, if not confusing. In the next room was Ahsoka. He’d watched her curl up in a ball with her back turned, clearly upset or overwhelmed by everything they’d been talking about. There was something she wasn’t telling them, he could feel it. Exactly what, he didn’t know. Anakin had not been too perturbed by the end result of their deep discussion. But then again, he had the luxury of a distraction. Ahsoka, however, had paled completely. Qui-Gon wasn’t a bad person, no matter how many times he and Obi wan had disagreed. And the Gray Jedi weren’t bad, just… different… but to realize that balance, what both sides had chased with abandon… meant the end of all of them as they knew it; that was difficult to swallow. And perhaps that was what was weighing so heavily on her shoulders right now.

Ahsoka had always been peculiar to him. In so many ways, she had been exactly like Anakin in both good and bad mannerisms. But at the same time, she also had called him out on many things, kept him in check. Something he, his master, had never been able to do. When master Yoda and himself had conspired to give Anakin a padawan, they’d carefully chosen Ahsoka as the right candidate for the job. They’d had to be careful who they picked, because Anakin had attachment issues. It had to be someone that could put up with his volatile nature, but also someone that would tug on his heartstrings. Who better than a feisty little girl with big blue eyes that could disarm you in an instant?

She had been a nice kid, at least when she wasn’t in kill mode, but for whatever reason, she tended to be an outsider with the other younglings. Even the masters would look right over her. Obi wan had never been sure why. But there was something different about her. Even master Plo, who had been the one to find her, had not volunteered to train her. The problem with their little plan to put her on Anakin, was if he flat out refused to take her on, then what? Obi wan had promised to take her instead. But now that he thought about it, he didn’t think that even Master Yoda could have predicted where their paths would take them.

He felt sorry for her. What they’d done at the time had seemed so innocent. An opportunity, per say, for the chosen one, to grow. And of course, he was totally capable of teaching a student, and they would turn out fine. But now, as he watched Ahsoka huddled in the bed, breathing heavy as though trying not to cry… he couldn’t help but think that what they’d unintentionally burdened her with had been so completely unfair, it could never be forgiven. She’d managed to save him when no one else had been able to reach him, but… at what cost? She loved him. That much was clear. And he loved her back. But to love someone so much your life revolved around them? It can eat away at you from the inside out. That’s what had happened to Anakin with Padmé. That’s what had happened to himself with Anakin. And that’s what was happening to Ahsoka with Anakin. No matter how different his views were on the Jedi now… attachment, in his mind, should still be discouraged. For it will eventually destroy you.

—

Ahsoka slipped out in the middle of the night. She’d dressed quickly and grabbed her lightsabers off the table. Was she running away again? She didn’t really know. But she needed that fresh air she’d been after before.

She boarded their star ship and started it up. Thankful that the imperial attack on Alderaan had been abandoned. The skies were now clear enough to disappear. And that was exactly what she planned to do. She had a few things she needed to work out, and it wouldn’t be there, with Anakin.

The puzzle had been mostly put together around her, but there was still one glaring piece that was missing. And she knew where she’d find it.

She launched the ship into hyperspace. It was a two-day trip to Shili. But it was time for her to go home. Home… what did that word even mean anymore?


	13. Chapter 13

Anakin stirred, surprised to see Luke asleep huddled against him as though he was cold. He remembered that feeling well when he’d first left the desert planet to cooler climates. He reached to the side and grabbed a blanket to throw over him. He’d been scared when Padmé had first told him she was pregnant. He had never considered being a father. He’d been living his life with the assumption that it could never happen. They had both been in too precarious of situations to risk it. But it had happened anyways. And the moment she’d told him, he had felt his whole world start unraveling.

As he gazed down at Luke, now, and then to Leia asleep in the bed nearby, he wondered what he’d been so afraid of. His main concern now was wondering what kind of life he could offer them. He had no home, no career, no stability. He’d told Bail that if Leia wanted to stay with him and Breha that was fine. He wouldn’t force her to come live with him wherever he ended up. But Luke was a different story. His aunt and uncle must be worried sick about him, there’d been too much going on since they’d left Tatooine to work in getting a message to them to tell them he was safe. And now that Luke had found his twin, he didn’t want to stray too far from her. Their bond was so strong already, it would be difficult to separate them again. Bail had offered to take the boy in too. But Luke had said he wanted to stay with Anakin and Ahsoka, as long as it meant not being too far from his sister. Anakin had no idea how they were going to work that out. He planned to talk it over with Ahsoka in the morning. Obi wan had left with Kanan and Ezra to help out the other two systems that had been hit by this attack. They’d agreed the rest of them would join them later.

Anakin liked the feel of Luke curled up into him, but he’d been worried about Ahsoka all evening and wanted to go check on her. Ever since the gray Jedi talk, she’d seemed a little peakish, like something they discussed had really bothered her. It was a lot to take in, but what he’d felt coming off of her was the force equivalent to hyperventilating.

She’d done so much in the effort to protect him. Was finding out it had been foretold all that scary? Or was it something else entirely? He’d sensed there was more to the dreams she’d mentioned, but she had refused to tell it. What could it be?

He tried to shift a bit so that Luke would lean the other way, and eventually he managed to get up. He put another blanket over him and then slipped out of the room trying not to disturb anyone.

Anakin froze in the doorway of Ahsoka’s room. The bed was made, the hospital gown was neatly folded on the edge, with the robe she’d been wearing next to it. She was gone, and so were her clothes and her lightsabers. He hadn’t thought she’d been upset enough to run away. What was going on?

He turned to run down the hallway only to almost trip over a little blue and white astromech droid. “Artoo!” The droid beeped back at him. “Do you know where Ahsoka went?” R2 turned on his projector in the quiet hallway of the hospital wing.

“If you’re watching this,” the holoimage of Ahsoka said, “you’ve probably noticed I’m gone. But don’t worry about me, Anakin. There’s something I have to do on my own. Questions that need answering. I’m not abandoning you, I promise. I’ll be back. But until then, trust yourself, you’ll be alright. I love you.” The image flickered out.

Anakin crouched down in front of the droid as if staring into its ocular sensors would reveal where Ahsoka had gone. “Could you play it again?” He asked R2D2. The droid replayed the recording and Anakin felt tears in his eyes. She’d told him that she loved him, but she’d left without saying anything. Had she felt like she didn’t belong in his life now that he had two kids? It had been hard to admit all the stuff about Padmé, afraid that she’d be hurt. But Ahsoka had taken it as though it hadn’t phased her. She’d always known, she had claimed. And she’d purposely held back her own feelings for his sake. Was she doing that again?

He knew Ahsoka better than he knew anyone. She’d always worn her emotions on her sleeve. When she was struggling to understand something, she wouldn’t hesitate to ask. She’d seek advice when she needed. And through it all, he had trusted her completely. Believing that he knew her soul.

But something had changed in her since she’d left the temple all those years ago. He’d first noticed it when she’d come to him seeking help to restore Mandalore and end Maul’s chaotic rule there.

He hadn’t known what it meant. And he hadn’t had time to find out. Because shortly after they’d gathered the troops to go, he’d gotten the call that the chancellor had been kidnapped. He’d been forced to leave her to fight Maul alone. She’d watched him from the open blast door of the gunship as it had lifted off. Something in her expression… as the memory stirred it reminded him of his first op as general, leading a squadron as it left Coruscant. He’d stared out the transparisteel glass of the battle ship as though he’d never see it again. He’d left countless times before, but for some reason that day, he had felt as though nothing would ever be the same again. He’d been partially right, of course, everything had changed. In spite of returning time and time again. Ahsoka had been there that day too. Standing by his side feeling the fear and pain coming off of him in waves. She’d stuck it out with him anyways.

Had she known when she left on that mission to Mandalore that things would be changing again? As the memory of the expression on her face washed over him, he felt a spear of ice hit his heart. He shivered remembering the cold that had consumed him after that. He’d never put two and two together, but now that he thought about it… there had been something so final about that goodbye. This wasn’t another one of those, was it?

“I don’t suppose she told you where she was going?” Anakin asked the little droid. R2 responded that it didn’t know then beeped sadly. “I know, buddy, I’m going to miss her too.”

—

Shili was controlled by the empire now. The space ports were locked down, she’d had to mask the code of her ship so it wouldn’t be detected. As she flew low, relying on scanners to keep her out of range, she was disheartened by the industrialization of the planet. It had once been a beautiful place, but as usual, the empire had swooped in and stripped it bare; leaving it ruined for the natives. Ahsoka guided her ship away from the villages, especially the sectors the empire occupied and landed in the early evening near the tree line on the far edge of the plains. From what she’d been able to see from the air, there was likely a curfew and she wouldn’t be noticed as long as she stayed away from the populated areas.

It was weird to return to her home planet; it was only the second time she’d been here since she’d left to become a Jedi. Her people were tribal, but she walked a totally different path. It wasn’t exactly rare for Togruta to be force sensitive; after all they were a deeply spiritual people connected very strongly to nature and the energy of the universe; the force. It wasn’t typical for her people to wander through the galaxy, so unless a Jedi had reason, like a conflict, to come to their planet… many Togruta force wielders were unknown. There had been only a handful of them to have been discovered in the last century. Even less that could survive the solitary life of a Jedi. Her people weren’t meant to be loners. They thrived in groups, and watching out for each other.

She glanced in the direction of the nearest village. Did her parents miss her? If they were still alive, would they want to see her? Would they even recognize her? Would she recognize them? To the Togrutan people, being discovered by the Jedi was an incredible honor. So much so, they would gladly give up their children for life to hold the honor that they’d given birth to a force sensitive child. It was an easy weakness to exploit and one that had almost cost her life. The other child had not been as lucky.

She often told people that she had no memories of her life before the temple, but that wasn’t true. Some of them, she was sure she’d never forget. Like that day, when this horrible man had stumbled into town. He looked like a Jedi. He talked like a Jedi and he had everyone convinced he was one. Everyone except her. She was too young to know what a Jedi was, but she knew he was lying. Her family and the rest of the tribe had paraded her in front of this man, along with another child; a boy named Sanshe. The man had demanded shows of their abilities, and she had refused. The boy, a year older, loved showing off what he could do. When it was her turn, she’d bit him on the hand and run from the village. Her family had yelled after her; angry, disappointed, unforgiving. She had embarrassed them. She’d run for her life.

She had accidentally stumbled on the man’s camp, in her haste to get away. She had smelled his stench all over it. She’d climbed a tree nearby to watch for his return. But she would never forget what she’d witnessed. The man had brought Sanshe back to the camp and forced him to fight a juvenile akul for sport. At the age of 5, that boy never had a chance. It was rare even for adults to beat them; force sensitive or not. She’d had to keep from crying out as she watched him ripped to shreds. The man jeering the whole time. For someone who was born and bred to be a predator, the image of his mangled body had turned even her stomach.

With the akul on the loose and the man still nearby, she’d been forced to stay up in the trees. Quiet as she could be, so neither of them noticed her. Eventually the man had killed the akul and packed up and left, leaving the boys remains.

She’d tried to return to the village after the man had left, but she had disgraced them by not going with the false Jedi and they had turned her away. She’d tried to tell them about what had happened to the boy, why she’d refused to go with the man, but they’d ignored her. From that day on, she was alone. In some ways, she still was.

She put up the hood of her robe, tucking it in so it wouldn’t fly off as she burst into a run across the plains. She let the force and memory guide her steps across the familiar landscape. She reached the mountains by nightfall, and wove amongst the rocks up to her secret cave. As she studied the entry, there was no evidence it had been found or disturbed. Unsurprising really, this was a dangerous place for the Togruta to be. It was where the akul liked to hide. 

She effortlessly moved the boulder that disguised the entrance to her hideout and stepped inside. She traced her fingers over the drawings she’d left as a child on the cave walls. She was starting to remember every one. Each of them had been drawn after a dream. And as she walked along, the story they showed progressed. She’d been four when she’d drawn these images. Yet everything in her life had played out exactly as they had foretold.

She stopped in front of the drawing of her great trial. Well at least, the great trial of the Togruta culture. Your first solo akul kill. She’d been thirteen when Master Shaak Ti had brought her back to Shili to participate in the hunt. Armed only with a spear and a time limit, the children of the villages were released to complete their rite of passage into adulthood; Togruta mature sooner than most species. The rules were simple; find one, kill it, bring back their teeth or don’t come back.

In retrospect, it wouldn’t have mattered if she’d succeeded or not. She’d already dishonored her family years before. Not even going with master Plo when he’d found her had gained her favor in their eyes again, at least not the eyes of her family. But she’d still tried. If not for them, for herself. She had to prove she was worthy. She’d isolated an akul, but just as she’d been poised and ready, she had stopped. It wasn’t injured, it would have been an impressive prize, but she couldn’t kill it. It had stared at her with knowing eyes. And then she’d spoken to it. She’d poured her heart out to an animal! A deadly predator that could snap her bones in two in one movement.

But it had just sat there, across from her in the turu-grass. Watching her as if it understood every word she’d said. She had told it about her parents, about the hunt, about how lonely she was, about the Jedi… everything she’d been needing to get off her chest for years. And then it had done the strangest thing. It had walked over to a rock, hit the side of its face hard against it and then dropped 7 teeth from its mouth into her hands.

Her fingers rubbed across the image of the headdress she’d fashioned from the akul’s teeth. She’d never told anyone the truth about what had happened. Because she’d returned with the trophy of the hunt, she had passed the trial. It had always been strange to her how after nine years of feeling so lonely, her first real friend had supposedly been the enemy.

Two days after returning from the hunt to the temple, Master Yoda had sent her to Christophsis to meet her new master. Could master Yoda tell that that experience had changed her? Had it had any bearing on the events that followed? Was the akul a symbol for Anakin? The very first person that really saw her? The first one that really listened? The first one that really cared?

After all, Anakin may not have given her teeth in such a dramatic fashion, but he had risked so much throughout the years to keep her safe. The only one to stand by her and defend her when everyone else had turned against her. He had even brought her back to life! And then… he’d become the enemy to everyone but her. Just as the akul were the enemy to the Togruta people.

She glanced to the entry of the cave. In the moonlight sat a large, hairy akul. It’s sheen of orange fur reflected the soft light making it look almost ethereal. Its eyes were sharp, ears tucked back, shoulders muscular, rear end lean. Its huge paws had long lethal claws splayed out in four directions. It’s snout extended forward just below the eyes. And its mouth sat open revealing seven missing teeth.

She walked over to it and knelt in front of it. It watched her curiously, like it had all those years ago. She threw her arms around its neck. Fully aware that this whole scenario was completely unheard of by her people.

“No,” she whispered in its ear. “The only thing I need this time is your presence.”

—

“You’ve done well, child,” The familiar voice permeated the air around her as she meditated in the cave.

"When master Yoda had told me to reach into the force and discover who my master was supposed to be, you’re the one that told me to choose Anakin, aren’t you?“ Ahsoka asked aloud.

"Yes,” the voice whispered

"Did you know?“

"Did I know what he’d become? What he would do? Yes.”

"And you still wanted him trained? Wouldn’t the galaxy have been better off if the Chosen One had never been found?“ Ahsoka tried not to cry, how could she say that? She loved Anakin, she’d loved him from the first time they met. She loved him still, in spite of everything he’d done. She should not be wishing to have never known him.

"Search your feelings, child. If none of the events had occurred that were set into motion by his discovery, what state would the galaxy be in?”

"I don’t know! But it would have been better than all those deaths! All that suffering!“ She cried out, angry at this voice. How could it speak of annihilation so easily? She stared at her hands. There was so much blood on them. To be a survivor, to know that the choices you’d made had helped cause it… She’d lived most of her life as an outcast. She’d spent so much time with the voices in her head. She’d always believed in the goodness of the force. But the force wasn’t good. It wasn’t evil either. It just was. It dictated all at such horrendous costs. Masquerading as comfort and light and love. Few get to see what a cruel overseer it is. Why’d she have to be one of them?

"What has to happen to restore balance will happen. We all play our parts. You were chosen to keep the balance, just as those before you.” The voice said, without any emotion or acknowledgement of her pain.

"You’re master Qui-Gon, aren’t you?“ She asked trying to restore her own peace. "You’re the one that’s been guiding me for years.”

"I am.“

"You told your student to train the Chosen One. And he did as you asked. Why did you need me?”

"Obi wan, like the majority of the Jedi, interpreted the prophecy of the Chosen One to mean balance in the light. Or he denied the prophecy all together. He could not teach the boy in the dark. To be balance, he must know both sides.“

"So I was needed to make him dark?” She didn’t like what the voice was implying.

"No, he had the darkness before you entered his life. But you could walk the dark with him without being touched by it. Many Jedi fall to the promise of the dark side. It was destiny for the Daughter to give herself to you. In her act, she shielded you with light. You could then enter the dark and bring him back to the middle. All others would have failed.“

"So then the emperor, Sidious, was the one that could walk in the light to lead him down the path to the dark?”

"He played his role just like the rest.“ The voice said. She didn’t like the sound of that.

"Why me?”

"When a predator can lay down their weapon in the face of certain death, only then can they understand how everything is interconnected; how two extremes can find common ground. The Chosen One is but a conduit through which flows both good and evil. You, child, were bred to kill, but when it could have cost you your life, you chose not to. You found middle ground with the sworn enemy of your people. In your great trial, you became a soldier of balance. ”

Ahsoka stood up so fast, she startled the akul that had been sleeping next to her. It leapt up between her and the cave entrance as though to protect her from danger. But sensing none, it looked at her with confusion.

“You know he’s a person, right? He is more than just a tool to be molded and manipulated and used. And so am I!” Ahsoka yelled into the empty cave, anger rising in her like she’d never known. “I’m tired of all this talk of fate and destiny and prophecies! They only cause insanity! Each living creature should get a say in their own lives! You’re not the ones that have to live with the outcome of these paths. We are! Anakin was, IS, a good man. He loved people deeply, would do anything to protect them. But because of some stupid force designed prophesy, he was seen only as a weapon, a THING to be controlled. He was USED by so many for their own gains. Each one trying to turn him their way. He played his part, he fulfilled your prophecy. And now? Now he has to live the rest of his life with the guilt of what it cost to do that! And that is a burden no one should have to carry!” She was fuming. She meant everything she said, but was it even possible to defy the force?


	14. Chapter 14

“Why are you taking me back to Tatooine? Don’t you want me?” Luke asked Anakin just as the ship fell out of hyperspace.

“Of course I do, son. But your aunt and uncle have cared for you your whole life, and I want to make sure they’re okay with you staying with me.”

“Why wouldn’t they be? You are my father.”

Anakin sighed. “Yes Luke, I am. But you need to understand something… for years I’ve been on a very destructive path. I lost sight of everything good and important. I’ve been struggling to find my place in this galaxy again. I know what I should do, I know who I should be, but I’m not sure it’s who I am. It’s not fair to you, or your sister, when you already had loving homes, to have to follow me around while I figure it out.”

“We’ll help you find it. Fair or not, we should be with you! We’re a family!” Luke begged him.

“Are we?” Anakin responded a little colder than he meant to. “I only found out I had kids two weeks ago. I’m not sure I’m ready to be a father. I’m not sure I was ever ready to be one.” He regretted the last sentence the moment it left his lips. Luke looked up at him hurt.

He looked as if he was about to say something, but instead turned away. Luke was a good kid. And so was Leia. If he’d had any idea back when Padmé was pregnant, they’d turn out like this, maybe he wouldn’t have been so scared. But there were two things that were bothering him about it. The first, was that as soon as he’d started having dreams about Padmé dying in childbirth, he’d stopped caring about the baby. He’d only been afraid to lose her. The second, was that he strongly suspected the reason both his children had turned out alright was because he hadn’t been in their life. Padmé would have made an incredible mother, but every good thing she would have done for them, he likely would have ruined. Not intentionally of course, but he knew nothing at all about raising kids, he’d probably scar them for life. No, it would be better for both of them if he wasn’t there.

Raising Ahsoka had been hard enough. She turned out just fine, but he didn’t credit himself for that one bit. Maybe for her combat skills, but emotionally? Yeah, he had nothing to do with that. Where are you, Snips? Can’t you see I need you here?

Returning Luke to Owen and Beru could have gone a lot better. They were understandably shocked that he was alive. Angry that Luke had run off and positively livid that Luke had been given some training in the force. They’d called Anakin irresponsible and told him that father or not, he had no right to come around there filling their nephew with silly dreams. And then they’d slammed the door in his face. He definitely deserved it.

He had felt their fear of course, he understood what they were scared of. They were afraid Luke would turn out like him. He was afraid of that too, honestly. He sat cross legged in front of his mother’s grave.

“I failed you, mom.” He wept. Where had things gone so wrong? He’d never asked to be some Chosen One. He’d only ever wanted to be more than a slave. “I miss you so much! I wish you were here right now. I wish you could tell me what to do. I’m so lost!”

He let himself cry for awhile. When the tears finally stopped, he got up and walked slowly back to the ship.

—

It started several days after his father dumped him back on Tatooine. He couldn’t believe after so many years of wishing to know his parents that miraculously one of them appeared in his life still alive. Not only that, his father had been a Jedi! One of the most mysterious and yet legendary fighters in the galaxy. He’d heard dozens of stories about their exploits during the Clone Wars whenever they went to town. He longed to know one, to BE one. How amazing would that be? Running off on an adventure, saving planets from tyranny and oppression and being a famous hero? It would be a far better life than a moisture farmer! Luke kicked the edge of the table out of frustration and then yelped in pain.

“Have you finished your chores?” his aunt yelled from the next room.

“Yes, Aunt Beru.” He replied. “Can I go to Tosche Station now?”

“Go check with your uncle and see if he needs help first.” She should have just told him no; his uncle could always find something for him to do. He mumbled under his breath wishing he was brave enough to just run away. Anything would be better than being stuck here. He wished Leia was with him. At least he wouldn’t be so bored.

Thinking about his twin sister made his heart ache. Ever since he’d met her that day on Alderaan, he’d hardly wanted to leave her side. He should have taken Senator Organa’s offer to stay there with them. But instead he’d foolishly thought that if he’d stayed with his father, he’d get to learn all about the Jedi and how to be one. Then he could go back to Leia and show her everything he’d learned. She’d be impressed. At least he hoped she’d be more impressed than the first time.

As he headed out into the sweltering heat, his eyes fell on the locked metal box in the corner where his uncle had secured his lightsaber. They’d both forbidden him to train further. They had blamed the Jedi for the war. And then they’d remind him what happened to his father and why he was so much better off not messing with the black arts. That’s not how he saw it though. There was nothing bad about the things he’d been taught. Every time he’d reached into the force as Ahsoka had taught him, he felt a sense of peace. He felt strong and calm and brave. He felt powerful. What was so wrong with that?

In spite of his aunt and uncle’s warnings, he still practiced using the force. Every night, he’d wait until they went to bed and then he’d sneak outside and practice moving things around with his mind. It was a freeing experience.

If only it could do my chores for me, he thought to himself as he met up with his uncle.

“Uncle Owen,” Luke started, “I finished my chores, can I go to Tosche Station and see my friends?” It was worth a shot.

“Give me a hand with this control panel first, it’s acting all funny. Next time the Jawas come by we need to get a repair droid.” His uncle didn’t look up as he answered. At least he didn’t see the flash of frustration that Luke felt in response.

Sometimes he felt like a slave. He rarely ever got to do anything fun. The other boys his age were able to go spend afternoons in Anchorhead, shooting the breeze, pranking old Joe and having a good time. He was the misfit of the group, but they tolerated him when he could actually hang out. A couple of the older boys liked to dare him to pull stunts on some of the shopkeepers, but he was good at that, so they’d let him hang out with them. Just imagine if they could see me use the force or swing a lightsaber!

He was jealous of his sister. She got the far better end of the deal. She got to grow up as a princess. Trouble free- easy life. It just wasn’t fair! Wait until the boys hear about her. Maybe then they wouldn’t tease him so much.

Several hours passed as his uncle kept finding things for him to do. This was always what happened. Whenever he complained they’d just tell him there was too much to do and they needed his help. After a long day working under the two suns, he got to go inside for dinner.

He didn’t speak to them while they ate. They didn’t really care to hear what he wanted to do. Uncle Owen just went on about the days drudging work. They didn’t pay any attention to him.

That night he waited in bed until his aunt and uncle finally fell asleep and then he went outside to practice the force techniques like Ahsoka had taught him. He wished she was here. Maybe she would have talked his dad into not bringing him back. All he’d told Luke about her sudden disappearance was that she’d had a mission to attend to. But where? What? Why did she have to go alone?

He liked Ahsoka a lot. He didn’t really know why. She just had something about her. She was strong, confident, and powerful. But also soft, sweet and understanding. She was very pretty too, for an alien. He hadn’t met many Togruta. They didn’t come around slum worlds like this very often. It hadn’t really been clear how she knew his father, and he’d never really had a chance to ask her. He could tell they were close friends, maybe more.

He stacked a few rocks with the force and then felt rather than heard a disturbance in the distance. He ran quietly back inside to grab his monoculars and his rifle. He could just barely make out a flurry of activity at their neighbors, the Darklighter’s homestead. He wasn’t exactly sure what was happening but it was something bad. He debated waking his aunt and uncle. If it was a raid led by the sand people, they could head their way next. He wished he had the lightsaber right now instead of the rifle. Maybe it would be enough to scare them off.

He watched through the monoculars for awhile, but couldn’t really make out anything distinct. He suddenly realized they’d turned and were heading their way. Stang!

He ran inside and roused his aunt and uncle. They weren’t real happy about being woken but they both grabbed their own rifles and ran outside. At least a dozen raiders were on the horizon. His uncle told him to go activate the signal horn while they locked down the farm.

Luke raced across the field to the far moisture tower to sound the siren. Nothing happened. He fiddled with wires for awhile, but he couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. He heard his uncle shouting and abandoned the alarm to help them scare off the Tuskens. By the time he got back to the house, there were three dead raiders near the entry. Two were in a fire fight with his aunt Beru and a group were fighting with his uncle. She yelled at him to help. He knelt down behind a pile of tools and took aim. He hit one of the ones shooting at his aunt, but missed the second one. Having given himself away, several turned to converge on him. He turned to run away from the house to see if he could lose them behind the barn. He could hear them chasing him. Crouching, hidden from their view, he used the force to send rocks flying at them. They started hollering as they got pelted by the stones and ran off into the desert. Then he heard his aunt yell for him. She sounded frantic.

He raced back to the hut. She’d managed to kill the other one that had been shooting at her, but there were still five of them leaning over his uncle. He could just make him out through their legs. He wasn’t moving. He ran inside ignoring his aunt’s pleas to get to him. He shot the lock on the metal box and grabbed his lightsaber. Then he raced back outside, dropped his rifle and ignited it. All five turned and looked at him. One tried to fire a shot that he deflected back at it, then he slashed his way at them cutting an arm and then the head off one and slicing one of them in half. The other three took off running into the night.

He felt power flowing through him. He was buzzed on adrenaline. He wanted to chase after them and strike them down. But he was able to come back to his senses when he heard his aunt scream next to him. He shut the lightsaber down and stowed it in his shirt. Then he gasped as he finally looked down at his uncle. He was in pretty bad shape. Several blaster wounds in his night shirt, blood gushing out of them and a couple slashes in his left leg. It looked almost as though the sand people had been trying to saw off his leg. His uncle was still alive, but just barely. His aunt went to work on stopping his bleeding and had him go fetch the med kit.

“Why didn’t you sound the siren?” His uncle asked angrily when he finally came to.

“I tried! It was broken!” Luke complained.

“It was working just the other day!”

“It looked like some wires had been cut. I didn’t have time to look closely.”

“What are you doing with that?” Uncle lars demanded. Pointing to Luke’s chest where the end of the lightsaber was sticking out of his pocket. “I thought I forbid you to use it!”

“I just saved your life with it! But instead of a thank you, you’re yelling at me!” Luke whined, anger rising in his voice. This was just great. He couldn’t do anything right! It wasn’t his fault the siren was broken. And rather than be grateful that his nephew just used a powerful weapon to scare off the Tuskens, his uncle was acting as though everything was his fault.

“Give it to me, now!” His uncle yelled. “I should’ve destroyed the damn thing when I had the chance!”

Now it was Luke’s turn to yell. “No!” And before either of them could stop him, he jumped into his landspeeder and took off toward Anchorhead, fuming. How dare they? It had been his father’s! It was his now! It was his ticket to a better life and they wanted to destroy it! If they really cared about him, they wouldn’t try to take it from him.

—

Anakin entered the unresponsive ship tentatively. He hadn’t been able to determine much from the scans. Artoo beeped worriedly behind him. “Don’t worry, buddy.” He patted the droid. “Stay close to me.”

The ship had sent out a distress signal just before going quiet. His awareness tickled like it could be a trap, but he met no resistance as he made his way through the ship. He felt something familiar aboard, but he couldn’t make out what it was.

He bumped into a couple disabled security droids, but otherwise came up empty. “Artoo, plug into the ship and see what you can find out.” The astromech beeped obediently and was soon slicing the ship’s computer for any relevant information. It then turned and projected security footage of someone on the bridge with their head under a panel likely trying to repair it. They appeared to be the only person on board.

Well then, this should be an easy conversation. They made their way to the bridge and could hear music playing from inside. Whoever this was, clearly wasn’t afraid of pirates. That put him a little on edge. He nodded to his droid and the door opened. He told Artoo to keep watch and then went inside.

The person repairing the ship didn’t notice his entrance. There were a couple more deactivated security droids on the bridge.

“Are you Visago?” Anakin asked loud enough to be heard over the radio.

“Ouch!” Came a familiar voice after a clunking sound. Oh man… seriously? A male Weequay sat up and shut off the radio. “Oh hello! Did you get my message and decide to come rescue me?”

“Hondo Ohnaka…” Anakin replied feeling his lips curl a little with distaste. How did he keep running into this stinking pirate?

“Do I know you?” The pirate asked, “wait, don’t tell me I owe you money!” He said reaching for a little device hooked to his belt.

“No, no.” Anakin said, figuring that must remotely activate the droids. “Where’s Visago? He sent a distress call, this is his ship.”

“Oh well…” Hondo chuckled. “It WAS his ship but then he bet it and lost it in a friendly game of holochess. It’s mine now, but I can’t get the hyperdrive working.”

“I’m sure my droid can fix that, but how do I know you’re telling the truth?” Anakin didn’t trust the Weequay any farther than he could smell him.

“Why would I lie?” The pirate grinned, showing rows of rotting teeth and gold fillings.

“Oh I don’t know,” Anakin rolled his eyes, “because you’re good at that.”

“I tell you what,” his tone switched to business. “Help me fix my hyperdrive, so I can deliver my goods, and I’ll split the reward right down the middle, say… sixty/thirty.”

Anakin couldn’t help the bemused smile that crossed his lips. But money did sound nice. Maybe then he’d be able to find a place for Luke and Leia to live with him. If they’d want to anyways. “And the other ten percent?”

“Oh, you’ll want me to spend that on expenses. Food, fuel, drinks! That kind of thing. "Do we have a deal?” Hondo asked, sticking out his hand for Anakin to shake.

“Deal,” Anakin said, shaking his hand. He slipped the remote activator from Hondo’s belt into his pocket. Just in case the pirate tried double crossing him.

“Say, I do know you! My old Jedi friend! How are you buddy?”

“All the Jedi are dead.” Anakin replied simply.

“Well in that case, welcome! I always wanted a ghost on my crew!” Hondo smiled widely without skipping a beat. “Now have your droid do its thing!”

“Where is the rest of your crew, anyways?” Anakin asked after directing Artoo to get to work and leaned back against the doorframe. Well there’s a first time for everything. Once a Jedi, then a Sith and now a pirate. Everyone would be so proud. As long as Hondo behaved himself, it might not be such a bad gig. Who knows?

“Oh they got cold feet. The Empire scared off the ones they didn’t kill. Took away everything from me; destroyed my home, all my ships, now I do odd jobs as they come up. It’s not so bad, not always as much fun now though.” Ohnaka replied casually as if it really didn’t make any difference to him where he was. Anakin felt the guilt creep up his throat. How could he feel pity for this pirate after everything he’d put him through? Truth be told, he knew why he felt it. It was the same thing that held him back.

Ever since Ahsoka had pulled him out of the dark side, he’d felt like he had to stand trial a dozen times. Everyone had been nice about it, but the guilt ate away at him. Sometimes he wished they weren’t being nice. He’d rather them be angry at him. Then at least he’d feel like he was getting what he deserved. He wanted to make it up to them. All of them, even this trouble of a pirate in front of him. But he couldn’t undo what had been done; what he’d let happen.

He’d loved the thrill of war. The thrill of victory, especially in the face of bad odds. It had been like a game to him. Him and Ahsoka keeping a battle droid kill count as if there was some grand prize to be won. He was a man of action, always on the move. Even in the face of death he’d never been able to fully see it as a bad thing. The way it felt to reach into the force, to be hyper aware of every movement and sound around him, to feel these people he loved on all sides. Then to spring into action and strike down the enemy, to wield his lightsaber with deadly accuracy. To hear the grateful cheers from the people they rescued. It only served to fuel his need to go on. Strategy on the battle cruisers and in the ship, were like puzzles to him. He loved the challenge of breaking through blockades and defenses. Of pushing those around him and the ships to their limits. Of seeing how they rose above. But he couldn’t ignore the price in blood that had been paid.

He had been known as the hero with no fear. The poster boy of the war. And he had thrived on it. Not because he needed people to cheer for him, but rather because it gave him purpose… meaning. But as it dragged on, he stopped enjoying it as much. He’d found himself missing Padmé more and more. Every mission walked him closer to the edge without quite pushing him in. They stopped being fun, stopped fueling his fire. Everywhere he looked, he saw failure. Failure to succeed, failure to take action, failure to end the conflict.

What was his life now? There was still a need for people to fight. There’d always be a need for that. Even when the empire was overturned and the republic could resume. But he didn’t want to fight anymore. He didn’t want to rush into another war. He didn’t want to put his desires aside for something bigger; or be ordered around. He wanted to make his own choices. For the good of himself, and his family. He didn’t want to think about the entire galaxy anymore. He wanted to be selfish.

He wanted to be what no one really wanted him to be. What no one had ever let him be… except for Ahsoka. He wanted to be himself. I miss you, Snips…

Maybe being a pirate wasn’t that far from his dream.

–-

Luke was going to stop at the Anchorhead cantina, but he was still so angry he just kept going. It was late, his aunt and uncle would be furious. He couldn’t believe he’d just taken off like that especially after his uncle could have died. But as the fire continued to burn in his blood, he couldn’t come up with an apology. He was mad at them for not caring about his own desires and dreams. He was mad at his father for being alive and giving him a taste of a better life and then dropping him back here. He was mad at his mother for dying. He was mad at Leia for having an easier life in a nicer place. And he was mad at Ahsoka for leaving without an explanation. He was mad at everyone.

It was so unfair! He’d always tried to be a good person. He believed in it. He knew it was what his parents would have wanted. But did being a good person mean getting screwed over all the time? Because if it did, maybe he didn’t want to be one anymore.

He made it to Mos Eisley in the early hours of the morning. He didn’t know what he was hoping to find there. A friend? A job? A ride off this dung heap? The only thing he was certain of now was no matter what, he wasn’t going back.

He wandered the streets until the suns rose and the markets started opening. He found a fellow who bought his landspeeder for a small pile of credits. It wasn’t enough to buy a ship, but it might be enough to buy a ride on one. He went from cantina to cantina, but all the pilots he talked to quoted prices beyond his budget. He’d tried to make some deals, but he’d never been good at negotiating.

The afternoon was turning into evening and he’d struck out every time.

He saw a junker of a ship land in the space port. Maybe he could get a ride on that thing. He headed that direction hoping to cut off the pilot and make a deal. He watched a boy not that much older than him disembark the vessel, followed by a Wookiee… but before he could get to them, a group of bounty hunters confronted them. He recognized Greedo, the local thug that worked for Jabba.

“He’ll get his money,” he heard the boy say. “I was on my way there right now.”

The Wookiee growled something. And the boy whipped out two blasters and started a fire fight with the bounty hunters. He hit Greedo in the leg, and killed two others. The Wookiee hit another one with an explosive shot from his crossbow. Who were these guys? The boy flipped Greedo’s blaster in the air and holstered it. Then walked away leaving the injured bounty hunter yelling after him. Something about the Hutt punishing them for killing his bounty hunters.

The odd duo ignored the threats. Luke didn’t think they were the kind of people to strike a deal with, but then again… maybe they were just what he was looking for. They certainly knew a little something about adventure. He decided to follow them.

They stopped in the cantina for a couple drinks, and then they hopped a barge headed to Jabba’s palace. Luke followed at a distance trying not to draw attention.


	15. Chapter 15

Months passed and Anakin stayed with Hondo as they slowly gathered another crew. He started going by the code name, Maelstrom and traded his red lightsaber out for a couple blasters.

Ohnaka was an odd pirate, he wouldn’t go so far as to call him a good man, but he did seem to have a code of principles he lived by. Anakin allowed himself to turn a blind eye to their questionable dealings, since the captain didn’t like to kill. At least not in cold blood. Once, long before the war, this band of pirates would have been a cause for the Jedi to shut down. But those days were long gone. Even with all the fear of the empire; piracy, smuggling and black market dealings flourished. It really amazed him how adaptable and persistent they were. He’d never really given much thought to what motivated people.

When he’d first joined Hondo’s crew, he would have said credits was their highest motivation. But now after dozens of missions with them, he was starting to see it differently. They weren’t really that different from anyone else, they just wanted to live a life full of pleasure and happiness. The Weequay pirates knew how to party better than anyone he’d ever met. He remembered the first time he discovered that.

Him and Obi wan had been sent to make a deal with Ohnaka to capture count Dooku and bring him back to the republic to face trial for war crimes. Hondo had invited them to join his crew for a feast; good food, good drinks, plenty of entertainment. But apparently him and Obi wan couldn’t hold their drinks, and they’d ended up as another bargaining chip. They’d tried to escape multiple times, but failed spectacularly. For a bunch of drunkards, Hondo and his crew were a sly and crafty bunch.

But he had to admit, the party had been pretty fun. And he’d been enjoying all the ones since. He still didn’t trust the pirate, but he was a lot different when he was on your side. His favorite thing about hanging with them, was that it was easy to forget your troubles. When he was striking deals and sneaking around, he didn’t have to feel the guilt of all that had happened. Sometimes it would creep in at night during quiet moments, but then he could just wash it down with some spice and forget it for awhile.

Hondo often credited him for helping rebuild his pirate empire. Anakin wasn’t sure if he was really proud of that, but it was fun to stick it to the empire in new and different ways. More fun than being a serious rebel fighting for freedom. It was a strategy game like the ones he played back in the clone wars. Except it was psychological. He didn’t really know if any of the imperials he faced knew that he had been Vader. And he didn’t really care. He wasn’t running around slashing his lightsaber, so for all they knew, he was just another annoying pirate. One they probably wouldn’t survive meeting.

The crew would gather after every successful mission and tell stories and trade news. Then they’d have a couple drinks and party until early morning. 

Anakin didn’t really pay a whole lot of attention to what they considered news. It was usually just comparing their exploits to rival pirate gangs.

“Hey hey hey,” Hondo’s slurred voice broke into his thoughts. “I heard a story the other day that might interest you.” Oh here we go, Anakin thought and took another sip of the rum in front of him. He tuned Hondo out and just listened to the music letting the alcohol fuzz his thoughts and feelings. At least until he heard “two white laser swords.”

“What did you say?” Anakin snapped to attention.

“Mael, buddy, you need to go easy on those drinks. Your attention span has dropped even by pirate standards.” The drunken captain chuckled. “I was saying that I’ve been hearing stories about this cloaked lady that appears out of nowhere. She swoops in, sets things right, and disappears. Nobody knows who she is or where she goes. But they say that she has two white laser swords like those things you Jedi used to carry around. Oh and get this! She’s accompanied by an akul. That’s unheard of. The reason those crazy beasts aren’t found all over they galaxy is because no one is fool enough to try to tame one.”

Anakin’s mind was suddenly buzzing. He hadn’t really allowed himself to think about Ahsoka since he’d been indoctrinated into Hondo’s crew.

“Could you imagine what a powerful ally she’d make! With the two of you by my side, we’d be unstoppable…” Ohnaka’s voice faded out and then there was a loud thump as he fell backwards off the stool because he’d passed out. But Anakin really didn’t care. He usually found them draped over pretty much anything the mornings after their parties.

“Ahsoka…” he breathed.

–-

Luke sat in the cabin of the millennium falcon leaning over a broken holocommunicator. He had tools spread out in front of it as he fiddled with it trying to make it work again. It had been about five standard months since he’d joined Han and Chewbacca’s crew so he could leave Tatooine behind him. He’d been wanting to send a message to Leia for awhile now, but they were never in a safe enough place to do that. His aunt and uncle were probably worried about him, but he didn’t really care anymore.

Han Solo was an obnoxious braggart who thought he knew better than anyone. But he could be charming when he wanted to be. He was older than Luke had originally thought, but he didn’t really act like it. He teased Luke mercilessly about his beliefs about the Jedi and the force; he claimed it was just a bunch of smoke and mirrors. Despite Luke getting him out of trouble time and time again with it, he remained a disbeliever.

“There! That ought to do it,” he said to himself as he snapped the panel back in and tried turning it on. It worked. “Finally,” he thought. He typed the numbers to call Leia, rubbing his fingers through his hair and brushing off his jacket.

“Luke!” She cried out. “Everyone’s been worried sick! Where have you been?”

He stared at the image of her pretty face. It was nice to know someone cared.

“Oh here and there,” he tried to reply casually, but she gave him the look and he spilled the beans immediately. “Dad dumped me back on Tatooine, but I couldn’t stay there! I’m supposed to be training to be a Jedi, but my uncle just locked my lightsaber away and forbid me to even talk about it. So I ran away. No big deal. I joined a smugglers’ crew. It’s fun. We get to mess with the empire and I get to run in and save the day.”

“Luke, you’re not using the force all the time are you?” She asked nervously. What was she so upset about? He thought if anyone would understand it would be her.

“Of course I am. I’m getting better everyday! I can’t wait to show you all I’ve learned.”

“But people see you use it and the lightsaber?”

“All the time. People always ask me what am I? And I say ‘I’m a Jedi!’”

“Oh Luke!” She shook her head, “don’t you know how dangerous that is?”

“What’s so dangerous about it? I can strike down a dozen people with blasters and no one lays a finger on me!” He was getting agitated. Why did everyone think being a Jedi was such a bad thing? He’d always heard good things about them; amazing things! As if sensing his frustration, even at such a distance, her voice softened.

“Do you know what happened at the end of the Clone Wars? Why you only hear stories about them but never meet any?”

“No,” he said shaking his head.

“They were slaughtered.” She said. “It became a death sentence to be one. Any survivors, anyone that showed signs of being one was hunted mercilessly. If people find out you are one… if they live to tell about it… you’ll never be safe again!”

Luke gulped. He’d never thought about it. “But what about dad? And Ahsoka? And old Ben? And and…”

“Did dad tell you why the Jedi disappeared?” She interrupted him.

“He just said that the emperor was manipulating everything. That he turned bad to save mom. But he failed. Why? What really happened?” Luke was feeling disheartened. He thought talking to Leia would make him feel better, not worse.

His sister looked as though she was deciding exactly how to give some bad news. He wanted to stop her. He didn’t want to hear it, but he knew he needed to. “Dad is the reason they were nearly wiped out.” She said at last. But she didn’t have a chance to say more. An explosion rocked the ship.

“We’re under attack!” Han yelled at him. “Get in the nose gun!”

“Luke! What’s going on?” Leia asked but the connection failed and she flickered away. He jumped up and ran down to the gunner seat. Dad was the reason there weren’t many Jedi left… what did that mean?

“Boy! I don’t know why I let you talk me into joining my crew! You’ve brought me nothing but trouble!” Han yelled from the bridge as he tried to outmaneuver the ships that were now chasing them.

“I seem to recall you finding plenty of trouble before I came along!” Luke yelled back. Not really in the mood to argue right now. He shot down two fighters, but they weren’t ties. Pirates… he curled his lips in disgust.

“Raaaaaahhgh aaaaahnr huurh!” Chewbacca growled an agreement from the rear gunner’s seat.

“Oh can it, Chewie!” Han replied as the ship shuddered from another explosion.

“Why aren’t we jumping?” Luke called out as several more ships appeared in view.

“Hyperdrive is broken, we’re dead in space. Chewie, get down here and fix it. Boy, prepare for boarding!” Han barked the orders. The falcon trembled as a ship docked with it. “Never mind! In with the goods!” They all scrambled into the secret hiding place of their contraband. Watching through the cracks as a group of pirates walked around the ship searching.

“The ship is empty captain.” One of them said.

“It can’t be empty, it was shooting back at us. Search again!” Drawled another voice.

Luke’s hand tightened on his lightsaber, mentally preparing for battle. But the pirates wandered off.

“So was that your girlfriend?” Han whispered casually.

“What? Ew no!” Luke scowled at him.

“That bad huh? She looked pretty fine to me.” Han grinned.

“Aarrragghuuhw?” Chewbacca asked.

“She is fine! She’s a princess! And yes I love her,” he responded punching the Wookiee on the arm only to get a return punch that knocked the wind out of him, he never learned. “She’s my…” he stammered. “She’s my sister.”

“Now you’re just pulling my leg!” Han said but then they all fell silent as some footsteps got closer. They shifted slightly to prepare to surprise the pirates. Luke was always the one that went first. His reflexes were faster and his weapon more destructive.

He counted to himself, wait for it, he thought. And then he pounced. Moving the grate above them with one fluid motion, he leapt up into the air, but before he could swing, he went flying back into the wall of the ship. He hadn’t even seen what hit him. As he slumped to the ground, he heard Chewie cry out in pain.

“Take it easy…” Han started but was interrupted by the pirate they’d tried to attack.

“Luke! What the hell are you doing here?”

Luke looked up, his vision was red from the pain of being knocked back. Standing above him was his father.

–-

“Do you two know each other?” Hondo asked coming around the corner with several other pirates on his tail.

“Yes.” Anakin said, but Luke had said no at the same time.

Hondo just looked between them. “Well Maelstrom, it’s up to you what you want us to do with them.” Anakin didn’t respond. He was looking at Luke trying to read him. What had happened? Why was he hanging out with these lowlife smugglers? He’d taken his son back to Tatooine believing he’d be better off. Yet here he was in the middle of space glaring up at him.

“Take those two to the brig. I need to have a little chat with my son.” Anakin said at last. To Ohnaka’s credit, he didn’t ask any questions, but he’ll probably hear about it later. He loomed over Luke while he waited for everyone else to leave the area. Then he pulled him to his feet and dragged him down the passage to the bridge. “Why aren’t you on Tatooine where I left you?” He demanded as soon as the door shut behind them.

“You mean where you abandoned me?” Luke replied venomously. Anakin was taken aback.

“I didn’t abandon you!” He said, his voice rising. “I was protecting you! Keeping you safe!”

“Protecting me from who? You?” Luke hissed. Crossing his arms. “Good job!”

Anakin froze. What had Luke heard? What did he know?

“Luke,” he said trying to steady himself. “I told you, I had some things I had to work out. I can’t offer you a better life until I do.”

“Is joining pirates one of them? I don’t want to hear your lies. Why are all the Jedi dead? What did you do?”

Anakin felt anger burn in him again. He had kept wishing people would punish him for the mistakes he made, but he never expected it to be his son. There was no easy way to tell him the truth. No way to spin it so it didn’t seem so bad. He wanted to just yell. To just rant. To let all of it out. But what was the point? No one could ever hear what he had to say and believe it was justified. He didn’t even believe that.

He could feel the seething anger in Luke as well. He could see himself in him, and suddenly he felt lost and broken all over again. If Ahsoka were here, she’d respond to him with love. She’d be tender and sweet and tell him everything would be alright until even he believed it. But she wasn’t here. And now he saw, for the first time since he’d come back to the light, that the true consequences of his actions would never be felt by him. Only those impacted by his choices.

He sat down hard in the other chair. He didn’t have a clue where to start. How do you explain it? Maybe you didn’t.

His comm beeped but he ignored it. Him and Luke sat in silence for a long while as Anakin just breathed in the waves of anger and hate that rippled off of Luke like they once had him. “I made mistakes.” He said softly. “So many mistakes.”

Luke didn’t look up at him. He knew the moment the words came out they were weak. Nothing could ever be said about what he’d done that wouldn’t be weak.

“I failed as a Jedi because I fell in love with your mother. Jedi aren’t allowed to form attachments. They create emotions that can lead you to the dark side; jealousy, anger, hate, fear… I was afraid to lose her. I started having visions that I would. That she would die in childbirth. I couldn’t let that happen. I knew the Jedi, who had forbidden attachments, would not help me…”

“So you slaughtered them?” Luke interrupted savagely.

Anakin was trying to resist the anger that was bubbling beneath the surface, but it was getting increasingly difficult. “No… well… I let a Sith Lord manipulate me into believing that if I joined him, I’d be able to save her. I was so desperate to at that point, I would do whatever it took. And that meant obeying my dark master’s commands so that he would teach me the power.”

Their lives for Padmé’s… at the time, it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable trade. But now as he looked in the eyes of his son… he saw reflected back at him the monster he’d become. How had anybody been able to show him love? It couldn’t be love. Nobody could love that.

—-

He got up angrily. He just wanted to burn it all down. What right did Ahsoka have pulling him back to the light? Lying to him, pretending? Making him believe there was hope for him? She was wrong, there was no hope. There was nothing left for him. He pulled his red lightsaber out of the pocket of his shirt and ignited it. Luke had jumped out of his seat the moment Anakin had stood. He too had his lightsaber lit.

“How dare you?” His son screamed at him. “I’ve spent every day of my life wishing my mother was alive, but not at such a horrendous cost! You were one of them! You betrayed them! You’re the one that should have died! Not her!”

The fury overtook Anakin before he could restrain himself. He swung wickedly at the boy in front of him. Luke fought back with such ferocity that it surprised him. They moved throughout the ship, lightsabers clashing, both fighting from a source of rage and hatred. Luke’s skills had tripled since he’d last seen him. They fought as though to the death, but when the ship suddenly tilted, it threw them both off balance and Anakin cut right through his son’s arm. Luke screamed in pain and fell to the floor.

Something inside him snapped back to reality at the sight of his son in so much pain. He dropped his lightsaber and knelt down. But Luke kicked up at him and then got up and ran away. Anakin went racing after him, but was thrown off balance again when the ship tilted again the other way.

“Maelstrom!” His comm buzzed with Hondo’s frantic voice. “The empire is here and has us all caught in a tractor beam. They’re pulling us in!” Anakin didn’t answer, he just kept chasing after his son.


	16. Chapter 16

Anakin ran through the millennium falcon, and then the pirate ship. Luke wasn’t in either. So he ran out of Hondo’s ship onto the hanger deck of an imperial battle cruiser. 

Stang! He thought as he realized he’d dropped his lightsaber. About twenty paces to the right there was a row of prisoners; what was left of Hondo’s crew, the smuggler, the Wookiee and his son. Surrounding them were at least fifty storm troopers, an imperial officer, an inquisitor and two droids with electrostaves. 

Several storm troopers turned on him and opened fire, he shot back killing them. He didn’t have time for this. He wanted Luke and that was it. He stepped down off the ramp, rolling his shoulders preparing for a fight. He effortlessly dodged several more blaster bolts and then with an incredible show of force sent all the imperials flying backwards. 

The inquisitor recovered first, and pounced on him. He dodged her first attack, and as she swung around for a second strike, he force gripped the middle of the double hilt, breaking her lightsaber into two. Then pulled half of it towards him. She looked surprised but then slashed forward with the one.

He parried several strikes and then swept a lethal blow across her neck. She fell to the floor, head rolling away. Anakin felt nothing, the cold was consuming him again. 

“Who are you?” The imperial officer yelled as Anakin caused two storm troopers to hit each other and deflected a dozen blaster bolts back at those that had shot them; killing them instantly. 

“I am lord Vader.” He replied and unleashed a force quake around him. Equipment and people went flying as the ship slowly started collapsing in on itself. 

Two more inquisitors entered the hanger and raced at him. He fought them off. 

“You can’t be lord Vader!” The officer replied, and ordered the rest of the troops to attack. Several storm troopers converged on both the prisoners and himself. The inquisitors fought ferociously, but in short order he dispatched another one. And just as he was about to take out the third, one of the magna guards hit Luke with his electrostaff electrocuting him. Luke’s cry of pain made Anakin miss his strike. The inquisitor kicked him in the chest and sent him flying backwards into the other magna guard who then electrocuted him too. He fought to regain control even as the pulses of electricity ripped through his body. But someone snapped a pair of binders on his wrists before he was able to recover. He tried to jump up but the moment he reached inside to use the force, the cuffs sent several more waves of electricity through him and he fell to his knees breathing raggedly. 

They seemed to figure out that hurting Luke had distracted him so they hit him with electrical pulses a couple more times. Anakin could only watch defeated as Luke convulsed on the ground in pain. The stub of his cut arm swinging wildly. He’d done this…

—

The hanger deck suddenly went dark and the ship stilled. Before anybody could respond to the power failure, all eyes were drawn to a far door where a burst of white light started melting it. Anakin recognized lightsabers cutting through the metal of the door. His breath caught in his throat. 

The officer ordered two troopers over to investigate. But they were hit with the metal as it flew forward into the hanger deck. The others raised their weapons to fire on the intruder. But through the hole appeared not a person, but a giant orange hairy beast. It ran faster than they could track it in the dark, muscles rippling, dodging blaster fire and laying waste to the remaining storm troopers. Except, Anakin realized, it hadn’t killed any of them; it had merely knocked them out and snapped their weapons in two. 

What the? Coming through the door behind it was a cloaked figure. Her two white lightsabers were still lit and she deflected a bolt the officer fired into the wall. The akul leapt onto the officer knocking his blaster out of his hand and pinning him down. He yelled something but then went silent as the beast snarled, showing its teeth mere inches from his face. The magna guards rushed forward to attack, but the figure had flipped over the akul and slashed through both of them before they got to it. She then force pushed the remaining inquisitor into a pile of crates knocking him out.

Anakin was staring up at her, surprised by the power he felt radiating from her. This was not the Ahsoka he remembered. But he liked it. And then he remembered what had just happened with his son and was overwhelmed with guilt. Was he afraid of her now? The padawan had become the master.

Having made quick work of the imperials on the deck, she stopped in front of the row of prisoners, and flipped back the hood of her cloak. Anakin heard Luke catch his breath too. She was stunning. She’d always been pretty, but the confidence she now showed was hard to ignore. Where had she been? And what had happened to create such a change in her?

She smiled and then cut Hondo’s binders along with his other two crew members. “Board your ship, and get out of here.” She said. Hondo looked like he was about to respond, and then thought better of it. And the three of them took off towards their ship. Detaching it from the millennium falcon and disappearing out the shield into space.

She then cut the binders off of the smuggler and the Wookiee.

“Uuh aarrragghuuhw.” The Wookiee growled.

She patted it on the shoulder, pulling out some medical gauze from her bag and wrapped the wound on its arm. “It’s good to see you again, my old friend.” She whispered. 

“Huuguughghg raaaaaahhgh uughghhhgh.” It replied. 

“Thank you, Chewbacca. May the force be with you too.” Then she told them to go back to their ship and get to safety. They obliged.

She looked at Anakin and then to Luke on the floor next to him. “Some things never change. Even after all these years, I’m still saving your skin, Skyguy.” She cut the binders from his wrists and then helped Luke up. Anakin felt a burning shame. He was still so angry from everything that had just happened, but even though she was being calm and nice at the moment, he didn’t dare cross her. He followed behind her, head bowed, as they made their way back to her ship. Just before closing the ramp, she whistled and the akul released its prisoner and leapt into the ship obediently. They took off into the night. 

—

Nobody spoke for a long time. Ahsoka set the nav computer and the ship jumped into hyperspace. Then she turned to look at the two Skywalker boys. Trouble. They both were. Why did she bother?

Because she loved them of course. She didn’t need to ask what happened. She could feel everything rippling off of them in waves. She was disappointed in Anakin. She’d had such high hopes for him as a father. She knew he could be an amazing one, but he was still so messed up from everything that had happened, that it would be a long hard journey to get to that point. At least he had the decency to look ashamed. It meant there was still hope for him. 

She glanced over at Luke. He was curled on the bench with his back to his father. Holding the stub of his damaged arm. The akul was laying on the floor right below him as if sensing his pain. She could tell he was awake and crying. She wanted to comfort him, but right now wasn’t the time. Whatever he’d gotten into since she’d left, he needed to work it out for himself before anything she said would help him. At least the bit of darkness she’d felt in him was fading. He’d be just fine, she was sure of it. Provided Anakin could get his act together. 

She turned back to stare out the transparisteel window of the bridge. I’ll do my best, Padmé. She thought to herself. But they have to be willing to figure it out too. I can’t do it for them. 

—

When Luke had cried himself to sleep, she got up and stood over Anakin. He didn’t look at her. She grabbed him by the arm and hauled him into the cabin. 

“Spill.” She ordered. She knew of course, but she wanted to hear it from him. The only way he can recover is to accept responsibility for his actions. She wasn’t sure how he’d approach the subject, so she braced herself for any number of possible scenarios. 

“How could you think that I’d ever be able to be good again?” He demanded. 

Okay, blame is the path he chose first. 

“You saw him! I’m a monster! It’s all I ever can be!” He ranted.

“Who told you that?” She asked softly. Not rising to his bait.

“No one!” He responded angrily pacing the cabin. “Everyone…” he said a tiny bit quieter. Sitting down at the table. “I stood in the council chambers while a bunch of strangers told me I was dangerous. I was nine years old!”

“And you believed them?”

“You’ve seen what I’m capable of, you’ve seen what I’ve done. How can I not believe them?” He looked up at her so lost and hurt. She felt as though she could see millions of broken pieces inside him and wondered if it was even possible to put him back together. 

“You believed them before you’d done anything wrong.” She stated pausing a moment to let him digest that. “Until you can believe you’re capable of being something else, you never can be.” She said carefully. “What you believe, creates your reality. You taught me that.”

Anakin let his face fall down on the table as tears welled in his eyes. For all the wisdom the Jedi claimed to possess, where the hell had they been for him? They were supposed to be spiritual teachers and healers. But here in front of her was someone that needed teaching and healing more than most and he’d never been given it. Not properly at least. If what had happened in the galaxy since his discovery hadn’t been so ghastly, it would be a comedy of errors. For all their prophecies and knowledge, no one had truly been prepared for a little boy when he’d appeared on their doorstep. Who knew one person could affect so much?

—

She stood to the side watching him. She longed to touch him again, but she didn’t dare. A romantic relationship between them right now would only confuse the issue. If he was going to conquer what had caused his downfall before, he most certainly did not need distractions or worse, another attachment to figure out. She didn’t see them as bad anymore, not completely anyways. There will always be people you get attached to. Some will be impossible to let go. Her and Anakin was one, Luke and Leia were another example. 

What was so wrong with caring? It distracts you, yes. It can make you lose focus, true. But in her opinion, what made attachment dangerous was loss of self. Deep devotion or obsession with another can make it nearly impossible to know who you are without them. She had struggled with that the most when she’d left the Jedi order. He had taught her everything she needed to know to survive out in the world. But he’d never taught her how to live without him. Was that why she kept trying to bring him back?

Back on Shili, she had defied the destiny the force had laid out for her. She had sworn that she would not live her life to fulfill a prophecy. And she’d turned her back on what master Qui-Gon had told her she had been chosen for. Then she’d left to find who she was in the galaxy; with or without Anakin. 

But here they were again. Yet another intersection, another crossroads. Did it mean she couldn’t escape it like she hoped? Or did she keep finding him because she wanted to? Together, or apart, she would love him. Of that much, she was sure. Though she could no longer be certain which way was the correct path for her. She’d purposely not let herself look at the other drawings in the cave. She had chosen not to see what had been foretold about her life. Because she wanted to believe the choices she made, from here on out, would be hers and hers alone. For better or worse. 

And they’d led her right back here. To him. She’d managed to silence the voices. To not let the dreams talk to her anymore. It had been a strange transition, but the right one. She felt stronger now in who she was. No matter how well meant they might have been, they only ignited turmoil in her. Especially after everything she’d learned. 

“Do you really believe there’s hope for me?” He said looking up.

“I do.” She said simply; choosing not to give a longer answer or explanation.

“Why?” He asked. It was a simple question… if only the answer was as simple. 

“Because when I looked at you…” she started wondering how exactly to explain what she felt. “I didn’t see the Chosen One. I didn’t see a monster. I didn’t see a wayward son or a hero with no fear. I saw a man; a man who felt things more deeply than anyone in the galaxy.” He was hanging on her every word. “Whatever good or bad things he did was part of who he was. And none of those things made him inherently good or inherently bad. When I looked at you, I saw the only thing you could be; yourself. And I loved you as that.”

Anakin was on his feet, he wanted to hold her, she could tell. But she put her hands up to stop his chest before he got close enough.

“Ahsoka…” he whispered. Him just saying her name made her melt.

“Anakin…” she breathed. “Do you know who you are without me?” He seemed surprised by her question.

“What do you mean?” He asked pulling back.

“I mean, if I’m not always around to save you. Will you be the person I found on the star destroyer. Or will you be the man you are right now?”

“I’m not sure…” he stammered. 

“I think you know the answer. You’re just afraid of it.”

He tried to reach for her again and she stepped away. “Does it matter?” He asked frustrated.

“Yes.”

“I know which one I want to be. But I know it’s not the one I am.” He said deflating.


	17. Chapter 17

Luke woke up to find Ahsoka sitting next to him. She held out a glass of water for him to drink. He took it greedily. The giant beast that had accompanied her surprise entrance on the imperial ship was sitting across from them watching intently. 

“What is that?” He asked her.

“An akul. They’re from my home planet.” She replied.

“They look dangerous, how did you tame it?”

“I didn’t tame it.” She replied. “I befriended it.”

“What’s the difference?” Luke asked her.

“To tame a creature means to bend its will for your own purposes. To befriend one, is to accept it as its own being that walks a similar path as you.”

He wasn’t sure why he was so certain that she was also meaning the relationship between him and his father. 

“Can I befriend it?” He asked a little nervously. 

“That’s something you’ll have to decide.” She replied sagely. 

Luke stood up, trying not to think about his missing arm. And started walking towards the akul. It growled a warning at him and he stopped and glanced over his shoulder at Ahsoka. She had her knees up to her chest watching them curiously. 

“Sometimes befriending someone means not seeing them as the enemy.” She whispered with an encouraging nod.

Luke looked back at the giant hairy beast as it snarled at him again. He let the hand he’d been holding out drop and then he awkwardly knelt down. He was scared. The akul towered over him now and he felt as though he was inviting it to eat him. It watched him for a moment, its eyes sharp and intelligent. And then it sat down too.

“Hello,” he said unsure if he expected it to understand him. But when it tipped its head to one side, he felt like it did. “My name is Luke.” He said. 

—

Ahsoka smiled to herself. Luke was now discovering what she had all those years ago. When you respond to violence with violence, there can be no peace or friendship. She hadn’t fully understood it herself until she’d returned to Shili. If you choose a peaceful path, most others will as well. Even beasts have instincts for peace. Not all of them want to fight, but will when necessary. 

“Where is my father?” Luke asked after talking to the akul for a while. It’s head was now resting in his lap and he was stroking it gently.

“He’s in the back meditating.” She replied.

“I’ve been wondering,” he said curiously. “I can tell the two of you go way back, but how do you know each other? I mean, you were both Jedi and all, or you must have been… just…” he trailed off.

“Your father was my master.” She said. His eyes widened in surprise. 

“Really?” He asked. “I mean no offense or anything, but you don’t really act like his student. If anything I’d have thought it was the other way around.”

Ahsoka chuckled, “no, he was the master, I was the student. But I guess looking back, we never really played those roles. He taught me of course, but we were always more like brother/sister or close friends than teacher/student.” She flinched a little. It was weird to think of Anakin as her brother now. She certainly did not see him that way anymore. And he didn’t see her as a sister either. She wondered when that changed. 

“I can tell you love him.” Luke said after a few minutes. “He loves you too.” Ahsoka looked at him intensely.

“What about you?” She asked.

“I want to…” he said, “but… I don’t know if I can. After everything he’s done… How can you?”

Ahsoka bit her lip. No conversation with these two was ever going to be easy. “My love for him didn’t change when I found out he was the one responsible for so much. And that scared me, honestly. But… sometimes, like with the akul, you have to look past what they’ve done or are capable of to see what’s inside. It doesn’t excuse their behavior or even forgive it, it just gives you a chance to realize they’re still a person and to treat them appropriately. No matter what awful things people have done, they are still and always will be, worth saving.”

“You saved him, didn’t you? You’re the one that brought him back to the light.” Luke asked but it didn’t really need an answer. “You saw him at his absolute darkest, and you still loved him.”

“I laid down my weapon because I didn’t see him as the enemy.”

“And how did he respond to that?”

“He tried to kill me.” She said. “But then… he stopped. I didn’t save him, I just gave him a reason to save himself. That’s the power of love.”

— 

They were back on Alderaan again. The people were still busy rebuilding and recovering from the damage the empire had caused. It took time getting everything operational again. But the attack on their planet had united the people. It was unfortunate that tragedy was what brought people together, but Anakin guessed, what would be a strong enough motivator besides that?

He hung back as Leia ran up and threw her arms around Luke, kissing him on the cheek and then fretting over his arm. He couldn’t stand knowing he was responsible for it. Having lost one arm to count Dooku and the other three limbs to his old master, he wouldn’t have wished it on anyone. But Luke had said nothing to him about it. He’d not even demanded an apology. They hadn’t spoken much on the trip back, but at least it hadn’t been hostile. He figured Ahsoka was the reason things had been tolerable. She seemed to have a way of calming everyone down. Twice now she’d saved him from the dark side. What would he be without her? 

She’d kept her distance too. Not glaringly, but rather in subtle ways. Though she insisted it had nothing to do with what she’d found when she’d come to the rescue on that ship. He liked her close, it kept him sane. But she had told him that he had to figure out who he was without her. She would not walk a path with him like that until she was sure he knew. He didn’t like it, but she was right. His inability to let Padmé go had been the start of all of this. If Ahsoka stayed close, the same thing might happen with her. There were some differences he felt though. He’d been apart from her for five months and had hardly thought about her. Five months from Padmé had been absolute agony. It wasn’t that he hadn’t missed Ahsoka, he’d just had distractions. Though… he’d had the war before and that hadn’t been enough of a distraction. So maybe there was hope. But he wasn’t sure he liked knowing that he could live without Ahsoka when he’d not thought he could live without Padmé. It made it feel as though the way he felt about Ahsoka didn’t mean as much. And he knew that couldn’t be true. Maybe the relationships were just that different. 

“Once we get Luke patched up,” he heard Ahsoka telling Bail, “we need to borrow Leia for a bit. The Skywalker family has some… stuff… to work out." 

That was one way to put it, he thought. He saw Ahsoka put her hand reassuringly on Bail’s shoulder and he looked down, ashamed. Bail had good reason to be worried about her safety if she was with him. One look at Luke would tell him everything he needed to know. 

Bail nodded at last, and he followed several paces behind them. He listened to their conversation, but there was no further mention of what had happened to them since they’d all left the first time. Bail talked about what was going on with the rebellion and how things were going in the senate. From what he could gather, it wasn’t going so well. Without the emperor, the leadership was in flux. The senate was trying to take control of the empire and control its actions, but they couldn’t come to any kind of agreement. Many high level officers, like grand admiral Thrawn, grand Moff Tarkin and director Krennic, were vying for control of the imperial navy, and organizing strike forces around the galaxy without permission from the senate. The rebellion didn’t have enough resources to match their campaigns to shut them down, so planets of people were getting caught in the middle.

The mention of Krennic’s name stirred a memory. He’d forgotten all about it. "Uh, senator…” Anakin interrupted stepping forward. Bail and Ahsoka turned to look at him. “We’ve got a bigger problem. There might still be a year or two of wiggle room, but…" 

—

In Bail’s private office sat Anakin, Obi wan, Ahsoka, Mon Mothma, admiral Ackbar and several other people from the rebellion. Luke and Leia were there too.

"Tell them what you told me,” Bail said. Tapping his fingers nervously on the desk. 

“Just before the end of the Clone Wars, the emperor started construction on a weapon he called the Death Star. When complete, it would be a fully mobile, self-sustaining, moon sized space station with the capability of destroying entire planets in one shot. It has shields, a hyperdrive, and thousands of turrets and other defenses. It was designed to be unstoppable. It was projected to take about twenty, and they’ve already had eighteen years to construct it. Likely, it’s about ninety percent operational already.” Anakin reported. Several people had gasped as he’d revealed one of the empire’s biggest secrets.

“How have they kept it secret for so long?” Mon Mothma exclaimed. 

“Strict access, slave labor, remote location…” Anakin replied.

“How do you know about it then?” Another person asked. Anakin swallowed not really wanting to reveal how he knew, but he didn’t really have a choice now.

“I was one of the people that had full security clearance.” He started, wondering if that would be enough to satisfy their curiosity.

“You defected from the empire?" 

Anakin glanced first at Ahsoka and then Obi Wan. "You could say that, I guess. But the way I see it was freeing myself from under the emperor’s finger.”

“He and Ahsoka are the ones responsible for killing the emperor. Right now we have bigger problems than who he was.” Bail interrupted the line of questioning. “We need to look into finding all the information we can about this super weapon if we’re going to have any chance of stopping it.”

“If he had security clearance than he’s the one that has everything we need.” Someone said pointedly to Anakin.

“I had security clearance to visit the space station. I never saw diagrams or schematics. My best guess is that that information would be on Scarif. But getting in and out of there will be damn near impossible.” Anakin replied.

“I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could walk right in, say hello, yes, I’d like the Death Star plans?” Leia asked from the corner. It was a dig, he felt it. He looked down.

“If there’s any chance that might work, I’ll risk it. But I’m sure by now they know I’m either dead or not on their side.” Especially after that stupid stunt he just pulled on that star destroyer. Oh, look at me, I’m Darth Vader! He was about ninety-nine percent sure that he hadn’t actually helped the rebellion since he’d killed the emperor. If anything, he’d made things so much worse for them. Which was the main reason he really didn’t want to be involved in it. They had been doing just fine. He only created more problems. 

“He might not get away with it on Scarif, but if the Death Star had such exclusive access, there’s a chance the news might not have reached them yet.” Obi wan spoke up for the first time. Anakin resisted the urge to glare at him. Leave it to his old master to yet again have him put aside all his pain and suffering for the good of the mission.


	18. Chapter 18

Ahsoka herded the Skywalker family onto the ship. She’d been adamant none of them were getting involved with the Death Star situation until they had figured out how to work things out amongst themselves. She and the akul were coming, she’d claimed, purely as mediators and protection. Anakin was pretty sure Bail wouldn’t have let Leia leave if Ahsoka didn’t go along. Obi wan had offered to come too, but Bail had begged him to stay and help get information about the Death Star. Ahsoka had assured them both she could handle any issues that came up. “If it came to it,” she had said, “I’ll sic the akul on them." 

Anakin didn’t know where they were going or what she had in mind. All she’d say was that she had two destinations. And that the ghost crew were on standby to lend a hand at the second one. Assuming they survived the first. 

The first couple days of the trip passed relatively quietly. Luke and Leia spent much of it talking between themselves or playing holochess. Anakin spent a lot of time meditating to emotionally prepare himself for the scars that were going to be ripped open. And Ahsoka spent most of her time on the bridge staring out at the stars racing by or meditating herself. They would talk a little bit, but she wouldn’t give any clues about where they were going. At first she’d kept encouraging him to try and talk to his kids, but after a while she gave up. 

By the fifth day, they were all getting a little tired of being cramped on the ship and tensions were starting to rise. 

Anakin walked in on Luke showing Leia how to use the force, and he couldn’t help but smile. Although they both stopped when they saw him. He found himself aching to train them, but they’d need to trust him first. Instead of forcing his presence on them he joined Ahsoka on the bridge with a deep sigh.

"I’m not sure this is a good idea.” He said to her. She was sitting with her eyes closed. The akul near her feet. “They don’t even want to be in the same room with me, not that I blame them, but how are we supposed to talk? Through the wall?”

“Maybe that’s not such a bad idea,” she laughed softly.

“You’re not helping.” He said with frustration.

“What do you want me to do?” She asked opening her eyes at last and looking at him.

“I don’t know. Even when Padmé was pregnant, I never thought about what being a dad would mean. And now, after everything that has happened, coming into parenthood when they’re teenagers… it’s frightening. I never had a dad. And the closest role model I had was the most evil person in the galaxy.”

“Would telling you to trust your instincts help?” She asked.

“Probably not.” He replied.

“You first started taking care of me when I was a teenager. How did you approach it?”

“By the skin of my teeth.” He said. “I spent half the time just trying to keep up with you. And the other half, trying to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed.”

“Okay, maybe I’m not the best example, but you did just fine with me. You talked me through things, you let me figure things out. You showed me how to learn from my mistakes. And when I wasn’t driving you crazy, you loved me.”

“I loved you even when you were me driving crazy.” He said. “Probably more.”

She smiled at that. “Well maybe… that’s where you need to start.”

“By driving them crazy?”

“No, by loving them even when they are driving you crazy.” She said playfully bumping him on the arm. “Think about what you wanted when you were their age. What you wished Obi wan would do or say, and start with that.”

—

It was early evening when they landed on Naboo. Ahsoka admittedly enjoyed Anakin’s surprise that this was where they had been headed. But she could also sense the anxiety in him. She’d chosen Naboo as their first stop because of Padmé. Where she was taking them, she hoped, would keep them from killing each other. Which, terrible as it sounded, was a real danger. 

Leia had an attitude, and really no desire to have any kind of a relationship with Anakin. Luke wanted a relationship with him, but was scared. Add the influence from his sister and it was a more volatile mix than she liked. Anakin wanted to be a good dad, but he was afraid to give in to the emotions and he was struggling to overcome his past. So she’d figured that Padmé was the one common ground they all had and they needed to start somewhere. She sincerely hoped that with Padmé looking down on them, it would be enough to keep Anakin from letting his anger get the better of him.

When they got to her planned destination, she turned on them. “Okay,” she said, they all looked at her. “Senator Organa talked to the Queen, who was nice enough to grant us access to this place. But there are ground rules: do not destroy anything, do not kill each other, and none of you are coming out until you’ve worked it out.” She pulled some cuffs out of her bag, “and I swear, I will put these force binders on all of you if I have to.” They nodded a little scared of her. Good, now we’re getting somewhere.

“What is this place?” Luke asked.

“You’ll see.” She answered vaguely.

“You know, there were probably plenty of dark rooms on Alderaan you could’ve locked us in.” Leia sassed.

Ahsoka didn’t satisfy her with a response. She just turned around and unlocked the padlock with the key she’d been given by the groundskeeper. The door opened but the room was so dark nobody could tell what it was. 

“In you go.” She said. She shut the door behind them and put the padlock back in place. 

“Wait, you’re not coming in?” She heard Anakin say from the other side. He sounded a little frantic. 

“Good luck,” she whispered knowing he couldn’t hear her.

“It’s so dark in here! You couldn’t give us a light?” She heard Leia say.

“You’ll get one soon enough,” she murmured. And slunk down to the floor and rested her head back on the door. “Your turn, Padmé.” She said out loud. 

The akul was looking at her curiously. “I know,” she whispered to it. “It’s going to be a long night.” She didn’t even hope they’d be best friends by morning, but she was hoping at the very least they’d figure out how to be civil to each other. At least then they’d have a starting point. She pointed to the fields beyond the graveyard. “You might find something to snack on in that direction. Just go easy.” She said patting the akul on the head. “I’d go hunt with you, but I have to make sure they live through this.” It rumbled and took off in the direction she’d pointed. It stopped to look back at her once and then disappeared in the darkness of night. 

—

It was pitch black in the room Ahsoka had put them in. He couldn’t see either Luke or Leia even though they couldn’t be that far away. It was the one thing he admittedly missed about his Vader suit; built-in night vision. 

He tentatively tried to walk forward, running into what seemed to be a table height smooth surface. Why had Ahsoka left them in the dark? Did she think if they couldn’t see each other, they wouldn’t be able to kill each other? He turned to the right and took a few steps forward.

“Ouch! That’s my foot!” Came Leia’s voice. Great, she already hated him, now he was stepping on her. 

“Sorry,” he murmured, backing away. He felt like he couldn’t do anything right. He was tired of feeling like that. It reminded him of what Ahsoka had said on the ship, ‘remember what you’d wished Obi wan would say or do and start with that…’ the thing he remembered wishing for the most was Obi wan to stop criticizing him so much. He wasn’t sure that really applied at the moment.

He tried walking around the other side of the table thing, using it to guide his movement. His eyes were starting to adjust, but there wasn’t much to see. Ahsoka would have no problem in here, she had a predator’s vision. He managed to stop in time before bumping into Luke.

He knew he should be the one to start the conversation first, but he had no idea what to say. What would they want to hear, or not want to hear? What did he even have in common with them? They both showed force sensitivity, but offering to train them right now, was probably not the best opening line considering how quickly it would lead to questions about what had led him to the dark side. 

“So?” He started. Was it safe to talk about the weather? Or this nice room they were locked in and couldn’t see? Or dive immediately into the bigger wounds? “I imagine you probably have burning questions. Who wants to start?” He tried to sound nonchalant, but neither Luke or Leia responded immediately. I’ll get you for this, Ahsoka. 

But just before he could say anything else, a bright light came on outside. Shining through a stained glass window, shedding the room in a soft bluish glow. His breath caught in his throat as he looked up at the window. It was the most beautiful representation of Padmé he’d ever seen. And that’s when he realized what he thought was a table was actually a coffin. 

“Oh,” was all he could say as the emotions overwhelmed him. This was where Padmé had been buried. It was her mausoleum. He had never given much thought to it. He knelt down at the foot, tears rolling down his cheeks before he could stop them. 

Luke glanced at him. “Is that?” He started.

“Our mother,” Leia finished for him. 

“Padmé Neberrie Amidala,” Luke read off the plaque. “Princess of Theed, Queen of Naboo, and senator of the Chommell sector and Naboo in the Grand Republic. A true servant of the people. Born 46 BBY. Died 19 BBY. Beloved daughter and sister.” He finished reading. “Why doesn’t it say wife and mother?” Luke asked.

“Because of me…” Anakin spoke at last. They both turned to look at him. “I was written out of her story because so few people knew we’d been married. And they didn’t mention the both of you, to protect you from me.”

“Did you love her?” Leia asked.

“Too much.” Anakin replied. 

“So if mom was a queen, and you’re a princess,” Luke said to Leia. “Does that make me a prince?" 

"I’m a princess only because I was adopted by a royal family, not because of our mother.” Leia said. “I don’t think it counts.”

“You both are royalty.” Anakin said, standing up. “I’m the only one here that never was.”

“Was she the queen when you married her?” Luke asked.

“No.” Anakin replied. “But she was when I met her." 

"Dad…” Leia said and then stammered embarrassed, “I mean… Senator Organa, told me some things about mom, but never anything about the two of you together.”

“You can still call him dad, if you want. We all know he deserves the title more than me.” At Anakin’s statement, Leia softened for the first time since he met her. “Did he tell you anything about me?”

“No,” she said, “he said he didn’t know much about you.”

“Okay, then I’ll start at the beginning, I guess. I was a slave on Tatooine. The Hutts sold me and my mother, your grandmother, to a Toydarian named Watto.”

“Watto?” Luke interrupted. “I know Watto. He’s an old beggar in Mos Eisley. He owned you?”

“Yes,” Anakin replied.

“Wow,” Luke said. “I hated being a moisture farmer, but I can’t imagine being a slave.”

“Me either.” Leia said.

“You probably had slaves.” Luke said.

“Of course not!” She replied offended. “We had people that worked for us, but we didn’t OWN them. They could come and go. My dad was always against slavery. He even felt the clones were slaves.”

“I thought the clones had free will?” Luke said.

“They did, but they were created to serve the republic. If they did not, they were considered deserters and punished.” Anakin answered.

“So they were slaves.” Luke concluded.

“Yes.” Anakin said flinching. He’d never really thought about it. He’d loved each and every one he’d met as an individual in spite of their identical faces. It was easy to forget that even though they seemed to always be ready for a fight, they’d been designed and crafted that way. Designed to want to fight. Designed to follow orders. Designed to kill and be killed. All at the whim of whoever was ordering them around. He made a mental note to apologize to Rex. It suddenly bothered him that as someone who had always been so against slavery he couldn’t recognize others in the same position. And that he’d let it, no… helped it continue after becoming Vader. It made his skin crawl.

He looked at the two faces of his beautiful children and even though their expressions had become less hostile, he felt completely undeserving of their attention and love. And maybe that was why they struggled to see eye to eye. How could he expect them to want him around or love him, when he couldn’t even love himself?

“I knew our grandmother had been a slave, but I didn’t know you had been one too. What was it like?” Luke asked.

Anakin felt his muscles tightening as his fists balled up. How do you explain that kind of hopelessness and fear? To know what it’s like to be a slave, you have to live it. Which is probably why so many senators had never cared enough to put it forward as a priority issue. They could never know what it was like. But to his surprise, Leia was the one that answered.

“You can’t just ask him what it was like! It was probably dreadful!" 

"Sorry,” Luke said. 

“So if you were a slave on Tatooine, way in the outer rim, how did you meet a queen? It doesn’t seem likely that she’d take a pleasure trip there.” Leia commented.

—

As Anakin told them the story of how he met Padmé all those years ago, he felt lighter and lighter. It was painful too, but it made him feel better to get it off his chest. They listened to him and asked questions, and he was surprised at how much easier it was to talk to them in just a short amount of time. It helped to imagine what it must be like each raised in vastly different worlds, each with some information but plenty of missing pieces, finally getting to hear how it all came together. 

He was watching them just as closely as they were watching him. And as the time passed, he started seeing little pieces of Padmé in them. He saw pieces of himself in them too, but thankfully not the bad stuff. Leia sometimes reminded him more of Ahsoka than Padmé, but they’d both had more than their fair share of sass. Luke was more mild mannered, and it reminded him of his mother, Shmi. 

He’d been really terrified of what Ahsoka had planned for them, but he was finding himself more and more grateful for this opportunity to just sit down and get to know each other. Even though they were in Padmé’s tomb, it kind of felt like they actually were a real family. The stained glass image of his late wife, was so realistic, she could have been standing there. He hoped that wherever she was, she was smiling at them. 

He made a promise to himself at some point during the night, that no matter how many mistakes he’d made in his life, he would do whatever it took to make it up to them; to give them the best possible life he could. 

—

Ahsoka paced back and forth outside the mausoleum, she really hoped they were getting along in there and that forcing them together like this hadn’t been a fatal mistake. The akul had been gone for half the night, and returned from his hunt with something for her to eat too. It was agitated watching her pace, but she couldn’t help it. She sincerely wanted to open the door and check on them, but this was something they needed to figure out without her. Especially if she ended up not sticking around. 

The truth was though, if they were going to destroy the Death Star and the empire, and rebuild the Republic, they were going to need the Skywalkers. Even though she’d stopped letting herself be consumed by the fate and destiny talk from before, she couldn’t deny the power each one of them possessed. Anakin had once told her that no one person could change the course of the galaxy. But then he’d proceeded to do exactly that. Yes, he’d been the unwitting marionette in a bunch of different people’s games, but it was truly his power that tipped the scale, regardless of which side he fought for. He’d been unlike any other Jedi. And he’d been unlike any other Sith. And now he was unlike any other regular person. He would always be special even if he no longer had a role to play as the Chosen One.

And with two children in tow, probably equal in power to him or at least off the charts… this whole family would be a force to be reckoned with. They needed each other. Luke and Leia needed to be trained by him, and he needed something to live for and fight for. Thankfully, the emperor, was dead. And no matter who might try to take his place, the Sith had been shattered too. There wasn’t, she hoped, anybody still out there that could try to take advantage of their combined power. 

Maul was the only one she could think of, but she doubted any of them, especially once they bonded, would fall for any of his lies. If they got through tonight. Their true training could begin. 

Just before the sun rose, she unlocked the padlock and opened the door. She was surprised to find them all huddled together under the window asleep on the floor. There was hope for them yet, she smiled to herself. That went even better than she’d imagined. She almost didn’t want to wake them, but one of the conditions of using this place had been to clear out before sunrise so it could open to visitors who wished to pay their respect. 

—

Anakin felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. Ahsoka was standing over them. He smiled sleepily at her and tried to get up, only to realize that he was pinned down. Leia was cuddled up behind Luke and they were both resting on his chest. His back was aching, he could only guess that he’d fallen asleep in such a weird position to accommodate them.

Ahsoka stepped back and snapped a holopic of them, “for posterity” she’d said. He just wanted to stick his tongue out at her. He hadn’t thought that whatever she’d had planned would work, but once again, she had proven she knew far better than him. How did she just know how to handle all this stuff now? Or was it because of her it was actually working?

He’d been starting to notice that she seemed to be looking for a kind of exit from his life. He really didn’t want her to go. He understood what she was trying to teach him, but even if he learned it, he still wanted her there. It was admittedly weird to think that sitting in the very tomb of the person he’d once thought he could never live without. But he had a strong feeling that Padmé would understand. He knew his life shouldn’t revolve around another. But was it so wrong to want to be with them? To want them close?

He’d loved Padmé with everything he was. He’d once thought that she was his heart and his own could never beat without her there. But now as he looked up at Ahsoka, this beautiful person inside and out, who for years he’d had a very different kind of relationship with, he was starting to understand that there can be two hearts, they just beat for each other. And he loved Ahsoka, he didn’t want to live without her in his life in some way. He was afraid to let her go, but it was more from a knowledge of what his life would be like without her rather than whether or not he would survive.

He never could have imagined all those years ago, how a snippy, little kid, could become so important to him. But then he glanced down first at Leia and then Luke, and he supposed, it wasn’t all that surprising. The Jedi had been right, he’d always had attachment issues. 

“Ahsoka…” he said, needing to tell her before the kids woke up. “Without you, I am a scarred and broken person. Without you, I am a mess. But the truth is, I will still be that with you there. It’s just that when you’re there, it doesn’t seem so bad…” he trailed off hoping she understood what he was trying to say. “That’s how it’s always been, I just never fully understood that.”

He reached up one of his mechanical hands to her and she took it. 

“I don’t need you to stay so that I’m okay; I want you to stay, because I like you here.” He said.

“Then here I’ll stay.” She replied. She leaned down and kissed the shiny metal of the hand she was holding. And even though he knew it was impossible, he was certain he’d felt it. 

Then she gently helped him rouse his sleepy kids and they walked back to the ship, Luke and Leia yawning the whole way.


	19. Chapter 19

The twins disappeared into bunks to go back to sleep since they’d all been up most of the night. Ahsoka primed the engines and once out of the atmosphere, set the nav computer to make the first of three jumps. Once in hyperspace the ship was pretty much on auto pilot and they had time to focus on other things.

“Thank you,” Anakin said, from the co-pilot seat.

“You’re welcome.” She replied simply. She didn’t say anything else. She preferred to let him decide whether or not he was ready to talk about something. He’d always been that way. Though back when he was her master, there were a lot of things that just went unsaid. It was a shame how little he’d felt like he could share. She understood much of what he never said aloud. She could feel them. He’d always felt things more deeply than anyone else she had spent time with. At first it had overwhelmed her, because she hadn’t been prepared for that kind of intensity; emotions and feelings pouring off him in waves. It was truly amazing that he hid anything from anyone considering how easy it was to read him. But she supposed everyone else had had too many other things to worry about than what he was feeling at any given time. Not her, however. She’d had studies to attend to and trying not to die or get him killed, but her world pretty much had revolved around him. So naturally, his mental state was very important to her.

Because of all the Jedi rules of attachment, they’d been forced to learn to communicate the ‘forbidden’ stuff through the force. The other masters always frowned at outward displays of affection or concern. It was never really appropriate in the middle of missions or battles to ask each other if they were okay. But a lot of that was also saving face in front of the clones. You can’t be a good leader if the people under you think you can’t handle it. For those reasons, the true depth of their relationship and bond came out during their meditation sessions. They’d get together in a quiet room to meditate and talk about the day. It had always been one of her favorite things. She had looked forward to it every time.

It was the only opportunity she really had to understand him. Even though he didn’t like to talk about himself, he didn’t try very hard to restrain himself around her either. And even though he was, in many ways, the total opposite of what she’d been taught to be, she never really minded. He was a warmer person than the rest of the Jedi, and she’d clung to him. Not because she couldn’t survive without him but because she didn’t want to be anywhere else. He let her be herself, and she let him be himself, and because of that, they were able to have a really deep friendship. Yet another thing for the Jedi to frown on.

But for all their snobbery, they were not so perfect either. Master Kenobi, who touted constantly the importance of not having attachments, was just as attached to people as her and Anakin had been. And for all his expressed displeasure at outward shows of affection, she could feel the unrestrained joy that came from him whenever anyone showed him love. Other Jedi, like Taria had been more affectionate. And no one had criticized her for it. Master Plo had been the father figure to many younglings and even his clone troopers. So they’d always seemed to be particularly hard on Anakin. And in many ways, their fear of him is ultimately what drove him to turn on them. It didn’t excuse what he had done, but it did explain it. If they’d been warmer to him like he had been to her, he might not have been so inclined to distrust them when chancellor Palpatine made his final play to win him over. It never ceased to amaze her what a little love could do.

Anakin had his head resting back against the chair. Since they’d taken the suit off him, his skin had become much less pale. He still had ugly scars across his body and head but otherwise he was starting to look like a healthy human again; even those were beginning to heal some. It was less obvious that he had mechanical legs, they worked like real ones and he wore long pants with boots over them. He wore long sleeves on the top, but didn’t glove his hands like he used to. Though he’d said the main reason he’d done that was to hold onto the lightsaber better. His tunic went up around his neck to his chin where there were a couple buttons. It had been strange getting used to seeing him without hair, he’d always had pretty long hair since she’d known him. But whatever had caused the bad burns had apparently singed his scalp so bad it wouldn’t regrow without help.

“Obi wan,” he said.

“What?” She asked.

“Obi wan did this. Not Sidious.” He replied.

“Oh…” was all she could say in response. She’d been wondering for awhile now what had gotten him into such an awful physical state, and now she knew. She never would have guessed it. Now she felt foolish for telling him back on Bail’s ship that Obi wan had loved him. She wanted so badly to ask how it had come to that, but she didn’t dare. It was probably another one of those things that would come out eventually. She was surprised at how calmly he’d said it though, as if losing all your limbs and nearly being burned to death, especially by someone you loved, was perfectly normal.

“Don’t hate him for it like I did.” He murmured. He sounded so tired.

–-

They came out of hyperspace near Ilum, seven days after leaving Naboo. It had been a long and tiring trip for everyone, but at least they were all still getting along. The akul was the most unhappy, they’d had very few chances to let it out to hunt and stretch its legs. And now they were about to land on an ice planet with a climate very different from Shili. She’d thought about stopping there on the way to let it off, but they needed to keep moving as much as possible.

Just as Ahsoka had planned, the ghost crew appeared about an hour after they did. Ilum was a sacred planet to the Jedi; home of the majority of the kyber crystals. But the empire had been strip mining the planet for years, and with the Jedi order in tatters, no one had the need to fight for it. She’d asked Hera and Kanan to meet them there to keep the empire occupied while they went down to the surface. She had no more need for kyber crystals, but she believed it was time for the three Skywalkers to get theirs. Anakin had two lightsabers out there already, but both had been left on the millennium falcon when she’d rescued them off that imperial ship. So she wasn’t sure if he’d find another here. Luke and Leia deserved to have their own.

After leaving Naboo, they’d both expressed interest in more training in the force and so most of the trip had been spent with Anakin and Ahsoka taking turns teaching them. Luke was doing incredibly well. Leia was struggling because she had a hard time letting go and trusting the force. Bail had done a good job of teaching her self confidence and intention, but she struggled with faith in bigger things and other people. Ahsoka often found Luke coaching her later when they’d finished official training for the day. He seemed to be having a better time getting through to her. Or perhaps she simply trusted him more.

Ahsoka usually didn’t wonder how others experienced the force, but she had found herself imagining what kind of trials each of them would face in the Jedi temple. She was certain that Leia’s would involve both trust, and overcoming her preconceived notions about her father. Luke’s would probably be confidence and patience. And Anakin, if tested… would probably be the hardest of all, because he had the most demons to face. His attitude about everything he went through; his downfall, the broken relationships, the guilt and even his kids, had slowly been shifting. She still felt him freeze in response to certain memories, but overall he’d been slowly opening up and recognize that even though they may have been terrible, it wasn’t too late to learn from them. She was incredibly proud of his progress, she knew it wasn’t easy. He’d told her at one point that it felt like the bandages were being ripped off but there was less and less blood. She had been pleased to hear that.

The ghost went to work distracting the ships orbiting the planet after a quick holoconference. She’d told them to keep them busy long enough to mask their signal and land, then they were to jump out of there and wait until they were ready to leave. The plan had worked surprisingly well, and their ship managed to land on the surface without being detected. The Jedi temple had been the first place the empire had stripped, so there were no longer troops in its vicinity. There was still a chance they could find crystals here because they sometimes manifested by the will of the force. Only those they call to, can find them. So the empire could only take the few that didn’t have all the qualities that make them perfect lightsaber crystals.

They all dressed up in warmer clothes and she led the way to the ice covered entrance of the temple. Anakin let her prepare them for their journey and after using the force to move the mirror so the sun would melt the door, she sent them all on their way. They had twelve hours to pass their trials, find their crystals and exit the temple, otherwise they’d be stuck in there for one rotation, which on Ilum was 28 days. Thousands of Jedi had managed this, she knew they would too. Anakin had done it once, she had done it twice.

She knelt outside the entrance and began meditating.

–-

They all entered the caverns, but at the first crossroads they decided to split up.

“What are we looking for?” His sister asked.

“Nothing and everything,” Their father replied.

“Seriously?” Leia asked. “That doesn’t make any sense!”

“I can’t tell you what you’ll find, because I don’t know. Jedi temples are tricky, they respond to each person’s energy. All I can tell you is to trust yourself and you’ll know it when you find it.” He replied.

Luke saw Leia shake her head, then put up the hood of her coat and stroll confidently down the middle hallway. He exchanged glances with his father and then he took the left path and his father took the right.

He was walking for a long time before he heard his aunt’s voice. “Luke? Luke!” It called, just like the hundreds of times before on Tatooine.

“I’m coming Aunt Beru!” He called jogging across the sand to the little hut they called home. But when he got there, the house was empty. “Aunt Beru? Uncle Owen?” He yelled. Where were they? He searched the hut again but didn’t find them, so he started scouring the rest of the property. Nothing. Not even a sign of them. Nothing was out of place, they were just gone. But if they weren’t here, how had she called to him? He yelled for them again, but got no answer. So he shrugged and went back inside.

He said hello to his father in the workshop as he passed through and then found his mother in the kitchen cooking. He kissed her on the cheek and rolled up his sleeves to help. He listened to her talk about their shopping trip to Anchorhead. She told the best stories. “Where’s Leia?” He asked.

“She went to get something out of the barn, she’ll be back in a moment.” His mother replied. Then she shooed him off to set the table.

“Ani, please!” He heard his mom cry desperately and he spun around. His father was manipulating the force so she couldn’t breathe.

“Stop!” He yelled and ran forward. “What are you doing? Stop!” He begged. His father let go but his mom crumpled to the ground. “Why would you do that?” He demanded.

“She doesn’t love me!” His father yelled. “She never has! You turned her against me!”

“What?” Luke was confused, but ran to his mother’s side. She was still alive, just unconscious.

“You did that yourself!” Came another voice from behind him. It was old Ben! Except… he looked younger. And sad.

“What’s going on?” Luke asked, he was terrified. But the specters ignored him.

“I hate you!” He heard his father scream. He was on fire, precariously close to sliding into the river of lava below. He was missing all his limbs except for one robotic arm.

“You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!” Ben said and then turned his back to walk away. Luke heard his father wail behind him as the flames consumed him. He covered his eyes, he couldn’t watch.

When he looked up again, he saw his father struggling to be breathe. He was badly burned, he had to be in terrible pain. He just laid there in the ash, staring at the sky. Luke rushed to his side. “Father?” He asked. His father’s face turned slowly in his direction, yellow eyes unfocused, jaw set to overcome the pain.

“Vader.” A cloaked figure approached. The stranger stood over him, Luke could tell he was weighing options. This must be the emperor; and he appeared to be deciding whether or not to save his father.

“You must save him! Please!” Luke begged him. The figure didn’t answer.

“You’ve only been my apprentice for a short time, and you’ve already failed me.” The figure said. “I needed you to stand by my side as the Jedi that remained loyal to the Republic in the face of the others who betrayed me.”

“Master,” Anakin choked out, “please save me. Let me… let me save my wife! And our child!” He coughed, convulsing. He was dying. The cloaked figure paced back and forth. “Please…” he croaked. “I will do whatever you ask.” The emperor seemed to come to a decision and summoned some droids to help carry his father away.

Luke watched them go, knees in the ash. The scene around him changed.

“Lost, your father was.” Came an old voice behind him.

“Who are you?” Luke asked the little green creature that had appeared.

“A master I once was. Old I now am.”

“You were a Jedi?”

“Yes.” The creature replied. “What are you?”

“I want to be a Jedi too. Like my father before me.”

“Fear I sense in you. Your father had it too. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

“Is that what happened to him?”

“Let go, he could not. Used against him, it was.”

“You said he was lost… but maybe he wasn’t! Maybe you were the one that gave up on him! You and Ben! Why didn’t you help him? Why didn’t you help my mother?” Luke demanded.

“Know, we did not.” The creature replied.

“You had to know! Jedi know everything! They can feel things, sense them! That’s how I knew my sister was in trouble!”

“Clouded, the force was. See things clearly, we could not.”

Luke barely stopped himself before he said something mean. He wasn’t convinced. How could the force be clouded? How could they not see something right in front of them?

“If a Jedi, you wish to be, patience you must have. Choose which side, you must.” The green creature then disappeared.

He reached over and touched his mechanical arm. “I may never understand what happened to you, father. But I will love you anyways.” He said aloud in the empty room. “We might never get to be a normal family, like I always hoped, but I won’t leave you.”

Luke heard a song coming from the tunnel to his right. He felt compelled to follow it.

–-

As Leia explored the icy caverns, she started getting more and more nervous. She’d heard about the Jedi growing up, though Senator Organa had been careful how much he said because of how dangerous it was to be one. She’d always been able to do things others couldn’t, but she’d never expected to be one. After a week of training and extra sessions with Luke, it was clear she was. But she’d always been taught to think on her feet. To focus more on quick wit and negotiations than to fight or trust her instincts. Her adoptive father had taught her how to handle a blaster, so she found the lightsaber unwieldy. Ahsoka had said that when they each get their own it would feel like an extension of your own arm.

What she didn’t understand was why peacekeepers even needed to carry weapons. Or more than that, why they were destined to have them. A crystal just calls to you? So you can be granted one of the most powerful weapons? But then once you get it, you’re not really supposed to use it? And the force, same thing. It’s this powerful entity that binds all living things but it too can be used for attack and destruction. She didn’t know a lot about Jedi philosophy, but it seemed kind of twisted to her. Especially why so much of being a Jedi seemed to revolve around a weapon. “This weapon is your life,” her father had said to her.

Was it the power of the weapon that corrupted Jedi, like her father? She understood that her father had deeply loved her mother, and that that was the reason he fell to the dark side. But she hadn’t had an acceptable explanation as to how the dark side could completely change you from hero to villain. How could it completely erase your personality, your ideals and your morals? In her opinion, none of those could have been that strong if it was so easy to twist you. Part of her wanted to forgive her father for the mistakes he’d made, but she had grown up seeing the damage and destruction he created and caused. Why should she love him after all of that? Why did anyone think he deserved it? She may be his child by blood, but as far as she was concerned, she wasn’t going to be anything like him. If she became a Jedi too, would she be tempted by the dark side? Would she fall too? How did she know he wasn’t already brainwashing them?

And where did Ahsoka fit into all of this? Luke had told her that their father had been her master. Did that make her evil too? Senator Organa seemed to trust her, but was it safe to? She was definitely in love with her father. That had been easy to discern. She’d also discovered that Ahsoka had left the Jedi order of her own accord, before their fall. It seemed suspicious to her. She just happened to not be around when Vader slaughtered all of them. Perhaps he’d planned it that way. Perhaps he’d spared her as a tool to use later to convince everyone else he was good again.

But he wasn’t! Not really. He cut off Luke’s arm! And even though her brother claimed it had been an accident, she didn’t buy it one bit.

Her head was spinning as she wandered the icy temple. This is stupid! They’d given her no idea what she was supposed to even be looking for; all she was managing to do was get lost.

“Leia!” She snapped to attention at the sound of her brother’s voice. “Help me! Leia! Help!”

“Where are you? I’m coming!” She cried out, sliding a little as she burst into a run. Her heart was racing as she frantically followed the voice. It seemed to be moving too. What would she find when she caught up to it? She knew her father couldn’t be trusted! She heard malicious laughter echo around the chambers. Luke’s cries were getting more and more painful.

After running around in what seemed like circles for a long time she paused to take a breath. “I can’t find you!” She wailed. But the place had gone silent. “Luke!” She called out, but there was no response. Was she too late?

“Why do you hate me so much?” Came a raspy voice behind her. She spun around, losing her footing and falling to the ground. She tried not to tremble as the towering figure of Darth Vader stood over her.

“Because you’re a monster!” She spat back at him. “And monsters don’t deserve love!”

“Not even if that monster is your father?” The voice wheezed in response and stepped towards her. She stumbled backwards into the wall.

“You may be my father by blood, but you will never be by title!” She reached for a rock to throw at him.

He reached up to take off the helmet, underneath was a handsome face. Nothing like what he’d been like before. He had long honey colored curls. He smiled at her, one scar down his right eye. “Do I look like a monster to you?” He asked.

She hesitated. It wasn’t possible. It had to be a trick. She looked up into his soft blue eyes. Was this the person he’d once been? It surprised her to realize he was no longer wearing the evil black suit, but rather a long maroon robe with matching leggings and a dark leather sash over each shoulder, a belt around his thin waist, and shoulder and neck guards. He reached a gloved hand down to her to help her up.

“You look just like your mother,” he whispered proudly. “She was my whole world. The light in the darkness. I wish you could have known her.”

She pressed herself further back. She wasn’t going to fall for it. She couldn’t look at him and think all was right with the world! Even if he still looked like that. “You killed her!” She accused him, scrambling to her feet and running away before he could respond.

“I didn’t! I would never!” She heard him say from behind her. But he didn’t seem to be following her. She stopped after a few minutes to catch her breath.

“Leia,” she heard a softer female voice and looked up in surprise. It was her mother, it had to be. She was beautiful. She had long curly brown hair, and pretty brown eyes. She was wearing a very elegant dress, that wasn’t real appropriate for the temperature.

“You’re dead!” She said, her head spinning. “You’re not real, you can’t be!”

“I’m one with the force,” her mother replied, kneeling in front of where she fell. “But I still live in you. I still live in your brother and your father and my friends.” Leia started crying as she looked up at her mother. Padmé reached her hand out to wipe the tears from her face. “Do not be afraid, my child.” She whispered, her voice was musical. Leia threw her arms around her mother and sobbed. Padmé patted her head and then held her tightly.

“What am I supposed to do?” She cried.

“Give him another chance. There’s still good in him.” Her mother replied comfortingly.

“But how? He’s done terrible things!” Leia wailed.

“Perhaps, but if we withhold our love, we’re no better than them.” her mother said.

Leia looked up only to find that she was clinging to her father as he looked now. Her instinct was to pull away, but instead, she buried her face in his chest and wept. He held her close.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, hiccuping slightly as she tried to calm herself down. He squeezed her reassuringly on the shoulder but said nothing. Once she managed to control her sobs, she sat back and looked up at him. She could see the man he’d once been as if it shined out from inside. “I don’t hate you,” she said. “I’m just scared.”

He tilted his head to the side just a little, reminding her of the akul, “of me or becoming like me?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” she said, looking down. “Maybe, both.” A glint caught her eye and she glanced up. He was gone, but where’d he’d been sitting was a little crystal. It hummed and she reached for it. In her hand it felt warm. She could feel the energy radiate from it and it felt as though it was meant just for her.

“Only you can decide what you become.” She heard him say in the air around her. She stood up feeling calmer. For the first time, she let herself relax and trust her instincts.

–-

Anakin came to a big open room and decided to sit down and meditate. Ahsoka had been insistent that he needed to go in too, but he hardly felt worthy of not only a third crystal, but also of being a Jedi again. He was beginning to understand that many of the things he’d blamed on them were not really their fault. It was things like the holonet news and traveler’s tales that make you believe Jedi are invincible and can do no wrong, until suddenly they can. Or you become one and discover it’s nothing like what you imagined. He had long believed that the Jedi purposely chose not to end conflicts because their ideals would get in the way of victory. As a strategist himself, it was why he’d come to admire people like Grand Moff Tarkin. But now being on the other side of what he helped create, he could see the Republic as the people had once seen it; flawed and greedy and not caring about the individuals of the galaxy or planets with no strategic value. He’d often been furious with the Jedi for refusing to act to stop horrible tragedies or to end slavery, when in reality, they were beholden to the senate. It was the senate that refused to act. And it still refuses to this day. The few good senators could not outweigh the ones that were in it for their own gains. Often leading business to a stand still and prolonging the war.

When he’d found out that Chancellor Palpatine had been manipulating both sides of the war and that he’d had his hand in everything, he began to see how useless democracy really was. If one person, Sith or not, could make both sides do whatever he desired simply by pulling the right strings, the will of the people would never prevail. And as much as he was ashamed to admit it, he’d truly felt it was better that way. Now that he’d looked in the eyes of the rebels, the pirates, Ahsoka, and even his children, he could finally see that a life that was dictated was not worth living. That true peace may never be an actual possibility, but maybe there was meant to be a certain amount of chaos. And that all you could do was find your place in it and try not to make it worse for people.

Padmé had believed wholeheartedly in democracy. She’d sacrificed so much for it. She’d fought for it every day of her life. And he’d admired her resolve, believing that he was fighting for the same thing, when in reality, he’d been fighting for the person that had undermined it all.

“I’m so sorry Padmé,” he whispered to the empty chamber. “I was blinded by my passion, I couldn’t see what was really going on.”

“How long are you going to keep making excuses?” he looked up to see Ahsoka standing there.

“Ahsoka? I thought you were waiting outside.” He replied.

“Where are Luke and Leia? I can’t find any sign of them. I was worried so I came looking for them.” She said, looking around nervously. “I can’t even feel them.”

He stood up quickly and closed his eyes reaching out his senses. He couldn’t feel them either. Panic rose up in his throat. “We split up shortly after coming in the temple. They might have run into trouble. Come on, we need to find them!” he started running down a hallway, Ahsoka on his heels.

“Anakin, wait!” Ahsoka called up from behind. He skidded to a stop, heart racing. “I think I hear something! This way!” she turned and ran down a passage to the left. He backtracked the short distance to follow her. But she was gone.

“Ahsoka?” he yelled. There was no response. He heard someone fighting and he followed the sound. He came into a small room just in time to see her thrown into a protruding icicle, impaling her. “No!” he screamed trying to run to her. He barely made three steps towards her before he went flying backwards himself.

“Anakin…” he heard her cough weakly. “I.. I… love…” and then she fell silent. He was on his feet again reaching for his lightsaber. But even if he’d had it, there was nothing there to fight. Just her limp body stuck where she’d been thrown. Tears streamed down his face and he ran to her side, carefully pulling her off so he could hold her. She was gone.

“Why?!” he screamed at the universe. He slowly became aware of bodies all around him. He was afraid to look. Even with his eyes shut, he could feel them. He knew who they were. His mother, Padmé, Luke, Leia, Obi wan, Qui-Gon, Rex… and everyone else he’s ever loved. He sobbed. “No…” he cried, his own voice fading in despair.

“You did this.” He heard Darth Sidious hiss from behind him. “Their blood is on your hands! All that you’ve fought for has fallen. And now it’s your turn! Fight me!”

Anakin gently set Ahsoka’s body to the side, closing her eyes with his hands. He stood up, looking around at all the death. His heart ached like he had never known. Seeing Padmé’s lifeless body. Obi wan’s… the twins… he wanted to be angry, but he couldn’t. There was nothing left to be angry about. He slowly turned to face Sidious.

“Fight me!” his cloaked master yelled again.

“No.” Anakin said.

“Then you will join them in the afterlife.” Sidious ranted.

Anakin knelt down again and closed his eyes in meditation. “I’ve spent my entire life afraid. Afraid to let go, afraid to fail, afraid to disappoint. But I was never afraid to die. I was afraid to live. Afraid to live without all the people that mattered to me. I see now that people you love will die. People you love will suffer. People you love will leave. And life goes on. There are still things worth fighting for, even if they’re not there anymore. And fight for those things, I will.” Sidious raised his lightsaber as Anakin looked up at him defiantly. He didn’t even flinch as the weapon passed through him.

–-

Ahsoka stood outside the temple with Luke, watching as the door continued to slowly freeze close. Time was running out but Luke was the only one that had returned. She had to practically restrain him so that he wouldn’t run back inside after his sister and Anakin.

“You have to have patience.” She said for at least the hundredth time.

“But what if they need help?” he whined. “I don’t like just standing around doing nothing.” She shook her head. He was just like his father; always on the move. She’d been like that once too. But years of being on the run had taught her how to slow down and not jump into everything she came across. It had been hard to adjust, but necessary. Now when she had to fight, she could do it calmly and deliberately.

“The only thing dangerous in there is your own fears.” She said trying to calm him down. “This is something they have to complete. It’s admirable to want to help, but it’s their trial. Have faith in them.” She’d been helping younglings complete the trials for years. But even she had to admit this was the hardest one to wait for. She hadn’t been surprised Luke had returned first. He was the one most open and eager to learn and the most driven to exemplify what it meant to be a Jedi. Leia had so many doubts. Understandable really. Even though Senator Organa had been a friend of the Jedi order, he probably didn’t know enough about how it all worked or what the younglings were actually taught to give her any kind of real answers as to what they did and what they believed. And to be fair, neither she nor Anakin had really taught either of them much about Jedi philosophy. Just different forms of lightsaber techniques and how to use the force. They were hoping to leave the how to be a Jedi stuff to Obi wan. Especially if they did help bring the order back to life.

When the door was about a foot off the ground, Leia slid out underneath it. Luke finally breathed a sigh of relief. As they compared notes about their adventures, Ahsoka watched the entrance anxiously. She was worried about Anakin. He had so many demons. So much pain. No trial would be easy on him. Would he give in to his anger? Would he lose sight of reality as the visions overwhelmed him? Would he be strong enough in who he was capable of being?

The three of them held their breath in silence as the last few inches of the door closed with no sign of him. She could feel Luke and Leia’s sadness. Whatever had happened to them in there had changed their attitude about their father. But did it even matter now?

She felt a tickle of awareness and force shielded them just as the ice over the entrance shattered. Anakin walked out tall and confident. She released after the shards fell around them and looked up at him. He smiled at each of them. He was radiating love. She was impressed. She returned the smile. With his long arms he swept them all into a group hug. The twins had tensed in surprise but then relaxed into him and hugged him back. Ahsoka snuck a kiss on his cheek over their heads, hoping they hadn’t seen.

“Whatever the future holds,” he said at last. “We’re a family, in every sense of the word. Come what may.” He let them go. “Now show me your crystals.” They each held out a gloved hand with their crystals, he extended his as well.

“Today,” Ahsoka said, “you have completed the gathering. You have each learned a valuable lesson that will help you find your way. Remember it and let it guide you as you decide your paths. Whatever they be, may the light guide you and the force be with you.”


	20. Chapter 20

The ghost had been recalled to another battle, but the empire had suddenly abandoned all mining on Ilum and pulled out of the system. They were in the clear to leave the planet without help. But before they managed to jump to hyperspace Ahsoka scanned another ship drifting just on the edge of their radar range.

“It’s Mandalorian.” She said to Anakin.

“That’s not good.” He replied. “Many of them still work with the empire. Shields up, prepare for a fight. Just in case.” She nodded.

“If the ship has noticed us, it’s not doing anything about it.” Ahsoka said after awhile. “I think we should investigate. Maybe they need help?”

“Maybe…” Anakin responded distractedly. “But I feel something…” Ahsoka turned their vessel towards the other ship and closed the distance between them.

Luke and Leia joined them on the bridge wondering why they were puttering along at sub-light speed.

As the other ship came into view through the transparisteel glass, Anakin and Ahsoka looked at each other at the same time. “Maul.” They both whispered.

“Who?” Leia asked.

“What’s he doing all the way out here?” Anakin wondered aloud.

“An old adversary.” Ahsoka answered Leia’s question. “A very dangerous one.”

“More dangerous than the emperor?” Luke asked.

“In some ways,” Anakin said.

“Well, let’s stop him. Our ship is full of Jedi. Four against one. Seems easy enough.” Luke said.

“If it’s really Maul, I won’t put you guys in that kind of danger.” Anakin said.

“Maul is hard to kill.” Ahsoka whispered. “Many have tried, all have failed.”

“Obi wan cut him in half shortly after I met him, and he didn’t die.” Anakin said ominously. Luke and Leia shrugged at each other and went back into the cabin to continue trying to construct their lightsabers.

Anakin and Ahsoka sat in silence for awhile looking at the ship from a safe distance.

“We have to stop him.” Ahsoka said finally. “Let me handle this.” She stood up.

“Ahsoka, we can do it together.”

“Anakin, I almost had him before, I can handle myself. The only reason he got away on Mandalore was because most of my clone troopers turned on me. I’d managed to capture him and everything. I need to finish this. Please.”

“I don’t like it.” Anakin said.

“I know, but you don’t have to. I’m not your student anymore. I’m more than capable of handling myself. You take your kids back to Alderaan and help them with the death star. I’ll join you when it’s finished.” She stood up and started heading for the door.

“Ahsoka…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll have the akul with me.” At her words, it jumped up and followed her out of the cabin. He followed her to an escape pod.

“Really? That’s how you’re going to get on his ship?” Anakin asked as she climbed in with the akul trying to squeeze in on top of her. “And how will you get back?”

“Oof,” she said as the akul sat down on her lap, well… partially; maybe one haunch fit on her lap, the rest of it had her pressed back against the seat quite uncomfortably. But she didn’t want Anakin to know that. “I’ll find a way.” She said slightly breathlessly trying to smirk at him past the giant animal in front of her. She couldn’t really see his face but she was certain she knew the look he was giving her.

“Just… be careful…” he said finally. As the two sets of doors closed between them.

She reached between the akul’s front paws, stretching her fingers out to full extension to hit the release button for the pod. She wasn’t exactly sure how to pilot this thing without being able to reach the control panel or see what she was doing. But she’d figure it out.

 

–-

 

Ahsoka had somehow managed to get the akul to reposition enough for her to reach the controls, but it was pretty cramped. Thankfully it didn’t take much time for her to dock with Maul’s vessel. She wasn’t sure why he was just drifting out here, but as she caught a glimpse of the hull as she came into dock, it was clear the ship was heavily damaged. Perhaps he’d been stranded here? Had he called for help? They hadn’t been on the planet for more than a day, so his arrival was recent.

She used the force to open the airlock between the ships so the akul could get out. Finally she could breathe again. She steadied herself, mentally preparing for fight. It didn’t feel like a trap, so perhaps she could take him by surprise. She didn’t want to have to kill him, what she wanted was for him to face justice, but he was too dangerous to let him get away again. They could not risk him bringing the Sith back to life. As long as he was alive, that was a possibility. The others on the dark side weren’t powerful enough to take it over. Maul could. She’d seen first hand the damage he could cause on Mandalore. She could not let it happen again.

She followed the akul through the hatch. Putting fingers to her lips so the akul knew to be stealthy. At the first crossroads, she pointed it down one direction, and she went the other. She opened herself to the force, letting it guide her and conceal her as much as possible. She followed her instincts as she cautiously made her way towards the feeling.

She felt something behind her and swung around in time to get her blades up, blocking his first attack. “Lady Tano.” He drawled. “So the rumors are true. You survived the explosion.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” she retorted.

“You may have killed lord Vader, but you won’t stop me.” Ahsoka felt no need to correct him. She swung one lightsaber low and the other high, he blocked both moves with his double bladed one.

“How is my apprentice? And his blind friend?” Maul taunted.

“Better then ever.” She replied. They fought down the corridor, Maul matching her every strike. It was hard to get any kind of edge in such a confined space. The ship was taking the brunt of the damage.

Maul leapt back, grabbed a pipe and swung forward at her. She rolled to the side dodging the kick, but not being able to get back on her feet before he brought the lightsaber down on her. She deflected the main force of the blow but it grazed her shoulder on the way by.

She gritted her teeth and force pushed him backwards while he was still off footing. She then chased him down the hallway to the bridge, where the space opened up more for a proper fight.

They fought furiously as Maul continued to taunt her. She refused to rise to the bait. He pushed her back into the wall and she shielded his blow high with both lightsabers, and then he swung low so fast, she almost didn’t get a block there in time.

“I suppose I should thank you.” He said glaring at her over the lightsabers, “you cleared my path.”

“It won’t matter,” she snarled, “you’re not leaving here.” She pushed back at him, but then just as both arms were occupied again with another assault, she felt something hit her in the side. She started feeling sluggish.

The akul leapt out of the dark corridor, surprising Maul, dodged his quick reflexes and pinned him to the ground. It growled at him savagely. Ahsoka slid to the ground feeling weak. The akul looked at her for a command, but Maul force pulled his lightsaber back into his hand, igniting it right into the akul’s chest.

“No!” Ahsoka slurred as it fell to the ground and Maul shoved it aside and was back on his feet with feline grace. He loomed over Ahsoka, but her arms felt like lead. She could hardly move.

“Congratulations. You get to be my first test subject.” Maul whispered maliciously, yellow eyes narrowing as he bared his pointy teeth.

“You couldn’t handle me without cheating?” She spat at him. It took all her might to raise her hands to force push him back. But the moment she reached inside for the power, shockwaves of pain ripped through her. Her hands fell to the floor with a thud. She tried to reach into the force again only to get the same result.

“What did you do to me?” She asked venomously.

Maul grinned at her wickedly but didn’t answer. “Enjoy your slow painful death!” He called back as he took off down the hall leaving her on the bridge of the ship, fading fast.

She tried to call out to Anakin, but she knew it hadn’t worked. Her vision blurred and then faded.

 

–-

 

“Sir,” one of the technicians said addressing Bail, “A Mandalorian ship just came out of hyperspace. We can’t raise it on any of the comm channels.”

“What kind of ship?” Anakin asked stepping forward. “What’s it doing?”

“It’s a crusader class corvette, newer model. It’s just floating there.” The tech replied.

“That’s Maul’s ship. Ahsoka boarded it just before we headed back here. Maybe there’s something wrong with the ship’s communication system?” Anakin couldn’t keep the worry from his voice. He’d not heard from her since she’d left to confront the former Sith lord. But if the communications weren’t working, that would explain it. But why wasn’t she coming in? Something was wrong, he was sure of it. “Scan the ship!” Anakin ordered. Obi wan rested his hand on his shoulder. He was trying to relax but he couldn’t.

“We’re only detecting one life form, sir. But it’s weak.”

“That can’t be right. We have to get over there.” Anakin turned to head towards the hanger.

“Hold on,” Obi wan said. “We need to be cautious.”

“There’s no time to be cautious, that might be Ahsoka and she might need help!”

“You might have to be.” Came Bail’s voice at last. Anakin and Obi wan looked at him. “We just sliced into the ship’s computer and there’s an alarm going off inside it. A biohazard alarm…” Bail finished.

“That’s not good.” Obi wan said stroking his sandy, white beard.

“I’m afraid nobody is boarding that ship until we get it quarantined.” Bail put in the order to bring it into a safe facility.

“We can’t wait that long!” Anakin said impatiently.

“I don’t like it either.” Bail said, “but if there’s a chance this ship is infected with something, I have to take precautions.”

“Fine, take precautions for your planet, but I’m still boarding that ship. Where are the hazmat suits?” Anakin said.

“I’m coming too,” Obi wan said.

Bail tried to hide his eye roll, but Anakin saw it anyways. He didn’t care. The senator could think anything he wanted. If Ahsoka was alive on that ship, he wasn’t going to just sit around. He knew he shouldn’t have let her face Maul alone. She may not be his student anymore, but Maul was slippery and persistent. Too many people had died by his hands.

“Anakin,” Obi wan said once they were suited up and in the lift down to the hanger.

“Master,” Anakin interrupted before Obi wan could say anything else. “If there’s a chance to save her, I will take it.”

“I’m more worried about what will happen if that chance doesn’t come…” Obi wan whispered.

Anakin’s shoulders dropped. How could he answer that? Obi wan had been the one that had to stare into his face as he fell apart when he thought he’d lost Padmé before.

“I’m not going down that path again.” He said finally. Obi wan said nothing else.

 

—

 

They boarded the ship just as the tugs got there to escort it to the quarantine facility on Alderaan. The corvette was in pretty bad shape; sparking wires, low power and lightsaber cuts everywhere they looked. It had been through a major battle, both inside and out. He could feel the energy of their furious fight.

The ship was so tainted with anger and hatred he was having trouble sensing whether or not Ahsoka was still alive. He glanced at Obi wan. His master shook his head to indicate he couldn’t sense her either. But he also hadn’t said whether or not he could still sense Maul. They wandered the corridors, following the damage. As they came around a corner, he glimpsed something orange through a broken door. He ran to it, pushing the door out of the way but it was the akul, not Ahsoka, and it was dead.

“Oh no…” he breathed. He reached down to pat it. He was surprised at how broken up he felt over the animal’s demise, but even though he’d never had a chance to ask her how she’d ended up with one of the most dangerous creatures in the galaxy as a pet, he liked knowing how it had watched over her. And how it had seemed intelligent enough to not only follow her directions from just a nod or a hand gesture, but also to know when to get involved if she didn’t issue a command.

Obi wan walked around the akul and examined the injuries it had sustained. “Maul.” He mouthed to Anakin. His dread started mounting. There was no sign of Ahsoka on the bridge where the akul had fallen, so they continued to search the ship. There was no sign of Maul either.

They finally made it to the medical bay. “Ahsoka!” Anakin exclaimed running to her side. She was huddled in a corner with a needle sticking out of her arm. Her eyes were closed, but something was wrong. Why couldn’t he sense her? He could feel how weak she was, but he couldn’t feel her connection in the force. She was alive, but just barely. She appeared to have crawled here to try and treat herself. He was inches from her when her eyes fluttered open. She recoiled into the wall behind her.

“Don’t touch me!” she yelled. Anakin paused, but then tried to comfort her. “Please! Anakin…” she breathed. “Don’t.”

“What’s going on? What happened? Are you alright?” he asked pulling his hand back but crouching down to her level.

“Maul…” she said hoarsely. “he infected me with something. It might be contagious.”

“It’s okay, Ahsoka, we’re wearing suits.” She shook her head sluggishly.

“I don’t think it’s something a suit will protect you from.” It was clearly difficult for her to speak. Before she could say more, she passed out from sheer exhaustion. Anakin reached out to touch her anyways, but Obi wan caught his arm.

“Until we know what it is, I wouldn’t touch her.”

Anakin nodded. He was more willing to obey now that he knew she was alive. “But what could cause us to not be able to sense her?”

“I’m not sure,” Obi wan replied. “It is definitely troubling.” Troubling was an understatement. If Maul was now working on bioweapons, especially ones that affected force users…

“Did you find her?” Bail’s voice registered through their helmet comms.

“Yes,” Obi wan answered. “She’s alive but only just. She needs immediate medical attention.”

“The tugs are about to bring the ship down, there’s a hazmat medical team standing by.” Bail responded. The ship lurched suddenly as the tugs pulled it in.

“You didn’t tell him what she said about the suits…” Anakin said at last.

“I have a feeling…” Obi wan started. “That it’s something that can’t affect the average person.”

“A feeling?” Anakin smirked. “Where’s all the caution you were so insistent about earlier?”

Obi wan gave him a look of annoyance, one Anakin was quite familiar with. Even after so much, it was nice to know that there was still some normalcy in the galaxy. “You know I can do a bit of force healing. But what I feel in her isn’t like anything I’ve ever seen. Yet from what I can gather, all her regular systems are working fine. It’s as if they’re being overridden by something else.”

“What could do that?” Anakin asked as he thought to the drug that Sidious had mixed into his life support system in that suit. He hadn’t told Obi wan about that yet. Sith alchemy? Could Maul have somehow gotten his hands on some of the emperor’s experiments? He couldn’t think of any that could do what Obi wan was suggesting. But that might explain his inability to feel her connection to the force. Until her vitals had stabilized, they couldn’t know for sure.

“Well, Maul was originally from Dathomir. Perhaps he had aid from the Nightsister witches.” Obi wan suggested.

Oh great, Anakin thought. Witches and ancient alchemy. “We have to stop him!”

“I concur.”


	21. Chapter 21

Anakin paced Ahsoka’s room. He was getting tired of being in the hospital. It would be a different story if he was the one injured, but instead, it was always someone else; someone else he didn’t want to lose. He knew he needed to learn to let go. Putting that into practice wasn’t as easy as knowing, however. Ahsoka had turned his world upside down from day one. He went from never wanting a padawan to caring way too damn much about the one that ended up in his care. He went from thinking he had things figured out to never really being sure. Her presence in his life had challenged every aspect of it. Every time she came and went, she redefined everything he thought he knew. It was exhausting, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

He glanced down at her lying there. The doctor’s words still haunting him; she was dying, there was nothing they could do. She’d been infected by some mysterious virus that had destroyed or stopped her ability to use the force. Which normally shouldn’t be a death sentence, if any of this was even normal. But because force sensitives depend so completely on the force, her body was failing without it’s connection. There was no cure, because something like this had never been encountered before. The only thing they knew for certain, was that it wasn’t contagious. So at least he could be with her in the room without a suit.

Obi wan, Bail, Rex and his kids had all come and gone trying to cheer him up or offer encouragement. But as well as it was meant, it didn’t help. He just wanted her back. They all had bigger things to worry about. They needed his help getting the plans for the death star and destroying it, but he felt sick every time he tried to leave her side. Eventually they’d stopped asking him. If she had to die, he was going to be there with her. According to the doctors, it wouldn’t be long now.

He sat down on the edge of the hospital bed and reached up to stroke her cheek. It had been three days since they’d found her and she still had not woken up. He wished she would. He wished he could talk to her, even if it was about stupid, pointless things. He just wanted to hear her voice again. Having to watch her slowly fade away was the worst part. 

—

“Anakin?” he was instantly awake at the sound of her voice.

“I’m here,” he said hoarsely, rushing to her side. She reached up weakly trying to touch him, but he had to catch her arm and support it so she could.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“It’s okay,” he said trying desperately to hold off the tears. “You couldn’t have known what he’d do.”

“That’s not what I meant.” She replied and patted the side of the bed. She scooted over to make room for him. He crawled in beside her and wrapped her in his arms, his face in the crook of her neck, one cheek resting against her lekku. They laid there in silence for awhile. He wanted to talk but he didn’t want to wear her out. So he took some comfort in watching her fingers stroke the mechanical arm he was holding her with, trying to remember what a touch like that would feel like.

“Ahsoka,” he breathed. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life…” he started, pulling her closer.

“Oh Anakin,” she whispered.

“Please!” He pleaded, “let me finish. I don’t want to make excuses, there’s just something I really need to say.” She turned to look at him. “I don’t know if it will mean much anymore, but I have to get it out. I’m proud of you, Snips.” He breathed, emotion cracking his voice. She reached over and touched the side of his face. He leaned into it. “You became everything I couldn’t be. I wanted so badly to be a good Jedi, I sacrificed my beliefs too many times to follow their instructions. You didn’t. When you knew something wasn’t right, you walked away. And at first… I thought you’d failed me because you weren’t there with me anymore. But if anything… you exemplified what it should have meant to be a Jedi. And the truth is… you would have made it as Obi wan’s padawan, but I’m really really glad you were mine.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it, then pulled it close to his heart. She smiled weakly down at him. He just laid there, admiring her eyes.

“I was always yours.” She said. “Long before I knew it.” They were silent for a long while, letting the words they’d both spoken fill their hearts.

“I’m not afraid to die.” She said finally. She didn’t have to sense his feelings to know what he was struggling with. Yet another way she knew him so well.

“I know.” He said simply.

“Anakin,” she breathed. “I’ll always be with you. Every time you reach into the force, you’ll find me there.”

“I know.” He said again, unable to stop the tears from falling now. She reached to his face and wiped them away. “Tell me a story.” he just needed to hear her talk one last time, he felt her smile.

“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” she spoke softly but he hung on every word. She told him funny stories about their adventures as if she was regaling children with made up fairy tales. He loved every word. Even with the weakness in her voice she was an incredible story teller. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten how many times he’d witnessed her entertaining the clones and keeping morale high. He may have been a soldier, a leader they looked up to and respected. But from day one, she’d been one of the gang. Everyone she’d served with had respected her, and why shouldn’t they have? She was one of a kind. She wasn’t afraid to get down and dirty. She’d led with grace and fearlessness. She had loved them all deeply. She was an amazing combination of wit, will and pure guts. He’d been so uncertain of his decision to take her under his wing, but she had proven time and time again that she had what it took. And in many ways, she had it more than him. He’d loved her at his side. He’d trusted her completely. He knew if she was there, they were unstoppable. Which might not always have been true, but it sure had felt like it.

 

—

 

Anakin felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. Obi wan was leaning over him. His master beckoned him to follow him out of the room. He glanced at Ahsoka swallowing hard and went after Obi wan.

“I may have found something.” His old friend said. Anakin perked up instantly. “I’ve been to all my sources, digging as deep as I could. And with what they told me and what I found on Maul’s ship logs, I think he may have gotten help from the Kaminoans.”

“The cloners?” Anakin asked surprised. He hadn’t even thought about them since the Clone Wars.

“Their cloning facility was shut down at the end of the war as you probably know, but there’s evidence they were still involved in the emperor’s plans. They apparently have relocated to a planet out in wild space. I don’t know exactly where, you know how secretive they are. But the virus that Ahsoka has… it has their fingerprints all over it.”

Anakin was furious. It was clear to him now that despite serving emperor Sidious faithfully for years, he had still kept things from him; big things. He had known that he dabbled in alchemy and often experimented with methods of the old days. But he never could have imagined that he had full scale productions of any of them going on. Sidious had been dead for a year and they were still discovering little surprises he had left behind, mopping up mess after mess he had created.

“I know it’s not much, but it’s the best I could do.” Obi wan said, looking past Anakin at Ahsoka.

“Thank you.” Anakin said sincerely. Obi wan patted him tiredly on the shoulder and handed him a datapad. Then he went to Ahsoka’s side and rested his hand on her arm. Anakin recognized the gesture as one of healing. His master closed his eyes for a few moments. And then came back to Anakin.

Obi wan tapped the computer in his hand and said, “May the force be with you, both…” and then headed out the door. Anakin knew what he was really saying; it was a slim to none chance, but he had to take it. 

—-

The doctor shuffled in before Anakin really had a chance to dive into the information Obi wan had given him.

“I have a lead on a way to save her.” Anakin told him. “I need you to keep her alive as long as possible.”

“She’s very weak and her organs are beginning to shut down. We can move her to a sealed hibernation chamber, but there’s no guarantee she’ll last long. The chamber will provide artificial assistance and slow the body processes down to a crawl so they’re not overworked. It’s the only thing we can do at this point.”

“Do it.” Anakin replied reaching up to touch her face. The doctor called in a couple nurses to prepare for the move. “Hold on a little longer, Snips.” He said choking up. He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips and then stepped back to let the aides prep her for hibernation. He used a memory stick from his datapad to transfer everything he could about her current condition onto it so he could show it to the Kaminoans when he found them.

He stayed in the hospital until the hibernation process was complete, knowing he was wasting precious time, but he couldn’t leave until he was sure she’d be safe.


	22. Chapter 22

Obi wan stood in the hanger of one of many rebel bases scattered around the galaxy. When he’d taken Luke to Tatooine all those years ago, he’d known that he’d be called on again for help. He’d just never imagined it like this. With everything going on, he’d hardly had time to process it. He’d spent as much time meditating as he could. Still trying to train with Qui-Gon although everything he’d been preparing for had changed.

As he watched people and droids bustling about, his eyes fell on Luke and Leia. Had he ever given much thought to what they’d be like? Had he secretly hoped that Luke would be like their father, minus the baggage of course? He wasn’t sure. Every time he looked at them, he remembered Padmé breathless and crying out in pain. And him holding two tiny babies that were all that was left of his apprentice and his best friend; the one person he loved more than any other. Master Yoda had been right. He had attachment issues too.

In hindsight, he’d given no thought to what training Anakin would mean except that Qui-Gon had made him promise to do so. Obi wan had never felt comfortable with the Chosen One prophecy. He’d had an ominous feeling about it from the first moment he’d heard of it. So when his master had claimed that boy was it, the feeling had sprung forth again in an attempt to devour him. He’d beat it back trying to employ logic to fight it; he was just a boy. How much power could one person truly have; destiny designed by the force or not?

It was clear from day one that Anakin had incredible potential. It scared him. He could do things almost immediately that most had to spend hours, sometimes weeks, of training to manage. He had often been both impressed and unnerved. He’d done his best to teach him calm and balance, but the start of the war made that difficult. Anakin had trained hard, throwing everything he had into learning it all. But he had also been willful and hard to reach. And worst of all, Anakin thrived in the war and conflict.

They’d finally been making progress when Padmé had re-entered his life. Everything had spiraled out of control from there. Anakin became moody, distracted, even hostile and openly rebellious. Master Yoda had insisted that he break their attachment to each other. And he had tried, but circumstances of the war had continuously thrown them back together over and over again. In spite of assurances from both sides that they’d stop, it had continued. And the more Obi wan tried to influence Anakin and regain control over the situation, the more distant his apprentice became.

He’d hoped Anakin would overcome it. That it was just a phase. After all, he’d had his share growing up. But none of them had ever blinded him to his responsibility as a Jedi; not completely anyways. He strayed a few times, admittedly, but he always found his way back. The Jedi order was his life. A Jedi was all he could be. He had believed Anakin would come to realize that too.

But try as he might to get through to him, his warnings to Anakin had only fallen on deaf ears. Unable to convince Anakin to let go of Padmé, he and Master Yoda had formulated another plan; distract him. Give him a responsibility that would keep him so busy he didn’t have time to think about her. They thought they were so clever putting a handful such as Ahsoka in his lap, because the distraction worked… or so they had thought. Anakin had hardly mentioned Padmé after Ahsoka had come along. He had spent half his time chasing after his padawan. There were still hints of course, that he hadn’t completely lost interest in the senator, but it wasn’t like it once had been.

Anakin started gaining more control and really began to mature after becoming a teacher himself. Obi wan had such faith that he’d come around and become everything he believed he could be. He was still reckless, and of course, Ahsoka tended to make that worse, but over all, the council had believed they’d solved their problem. Minor acts of rebellion and disobedience were much easier to deal with than a powerful force wielder that couldn’t control his emotions.

As the war had pulled them further and further apart, Obi wan had been forced to rely on faith that Anakin would be okay. As much trouble as Ahsoka could be, she had somehow managed to become a person that Anakin would listen to. And she certainly never hesitated to put him in his place if he did something untoward. Obi wan just had to hope that it would be enough to keep Anakin on the straight and narrow. She had attachment issues too, but she was still malleable enough to listen and learn from other masters and put it into practice. But then she’d left the Jedi order, and Anakin had gone downhill again. Again he’d become moody, impatient, angry. Always wanting more, not listening, never trusting anyone.

Luke finished his conversation with his friends and headed towards him. Obi wan sighed. Here he was reminiscing, yet again; unable to fully understand all that had gone wrong that had led them to this point. He was glad Anakin was alive. He was glad he was no longer Darth Vader. But all attempts to rekindle their past friendship had failed. Try as he might, he couldn’t reconcile all that Anakin had done in his conscience. Now, he was like an unknown quantity. Maybe he always had been one.

“Do you think Ahsoka will make it?” Luke asked him.

“I don’t know,” Obi wan replied honestly. He’d done all he could to find something to help her. He’d gone a lot of sleepless nights tracking down any old contacts he could. He hated the idea of leaving Anakin there to deal with the possible outcome alone. Afraid of what he’d find when they returned. Anakin still demonstrated much of his anger and recklessness when it came to Ahsoka. Yet he also seemed more accepting of things that were out of his control. He didn’t like the fact that they were a couple now. In his opinion, it was a really bad idea. But at the same time, Ahsoka somehow managed to keep Anakin in control. At least when she wasn’t hurt or in danger herself. Would Anakin survive without her?

“Father said that Jedi aren’t supposed to form attachments. But is it really wrong to care that much?” Luke asked.

“Compassion is essential to a Jedi’s way of life,” Obi wan replied. “But feeling for others and wanting to help them, is not the same as having an ongoing relationship with them. Relationships create bonds, bonds create devotion and devotion distracts from duty.”

“So I’m not supposed to have a relationship with my sister? Or my father? Or my friends? What’s the point then? I mean, I get the responsibility of helping wherever you can, but if you have nothing to come back to? Nothing to make it worth the fight? Why bother?”

Obi wan swallowed his immediate ingrained response of ‘helping is the point’. “The problem with attachment is not about what you have or don’t have off the battle field, it’s about being able to do what’s right even if it means losing someone you love. Sometimes you have to sacrifice one, to save thousands.”

“Those are lousy options,” Luke said.

“Imagine if you and your sister were fighting side by side. Say, she’s in danger but you still have a chance to stop the threat to a whole village. Could you let her go and complete the mission?”

“I’d help her first.”

“So you saved her, but meanwhile, another foe had the opportunity to blow up the village. Thousands of lives lost.” Obi wan persisted.

“I’d make them pay.” Luke said angrily.

“Revenge is not the Jedi way.”

“So let me get this straight,” Leia said, joining them. “Jedi run in, give their all to save people they don’t know. Are forced to let the ones they do know, and love, fall, and then are not even allowed to respond to the horrendous act of violence that just occurred, regardless of who they managed to save? That’s a load of hoodoo if you ask me.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant,” Obi wan said, but was interrupted by the boarding announcement. It was time to go.

Leia kissed Luke on the cheek and wished him luck and then headed off to a different ship, Anakin’s astromech droid trailing behind her. Obi wan and Luke would be traveling together.

“I think if Jedi are supposed to help people, they should care more about the people they’re saving than how many.” Luke whispered and then jogged ahead to wish another person luck before boarding their ship.

 

–-

 

The ride to Scarif was a long one. Obi wan didn’t try to finish the conversation in the hanger with Luke. He was so out of practice from teaching and had so many of his own questions and doubts. He wondered if Luke would be more open minded had he either not found his sister or been talking to Anakin.

They had to make three jumps to get to their destination. One pit stop for fuel, the second stop was a rendezvous point. Obi wan was mulling over the plan he’d been briefed on. He didn’t like it at all. Right now, Scarif was the most imperial occupied territory around. It guarded all of their secrets and movements. Other rebel cells had been scouting for information, scavenging to find anything they could. He’d heard the news about Jedha from Bail himself. The Death Star’s main weapon was operational. And so was its hyperdrive. If they couldn’t find the schematics… or a weakness… nowhere would be safe. They were running out of time. Even if the emperor was dead, there were still plenty of corrupted officers vying for the position. There was little hope of restoring the Republic until they were stopped.

They reached the coordinates for the rendezvous, but their communications were jammed the moment they entered the sector along with their scanners. Only a few people knew they were meeting here, how could the empire have learned of it?

A ship docked with theirs. Obi wan was on guard in an instant. “Luke!?” He called. He felt the disturbance, long before he saw him.

“Let me go!” Luke yelled from the aft of the ship. Obi wan raced in that direction.

“Let the boy go.” Obi wan told Maul sounding calmer than he felt.

“Kenobi.” Maul drawled. “I’ve found you at last.”

“Let him go!” Obi wan said again, drawing his lightsaber in the ataru form, just as Qui-Gon always used to.

“I’ve waited a long time for this. My need for revenge has kept me alive.” Maul threw Luke to the side and paced back and forth sideways across from Obi wan.

“Well then you will be unsatisfied.” Obi wan replied, watching Maul carefully.

“I have so many new toys in my arsenal. Tell me, Kenobi, did your lady Jedi die yet? How about I do the same to this boy here. Since you’re so fond of him and all.”

Luke leapt towards Maul with his lightsaber. Maul, ducked below the first swing, spun around and ran him in a circle into a pile of crates.

Obi wan raced towards him and swung hard distracting Maul from Luke.

“Finally got yourself a new apprentice I see. Couldn’t live with the failure of your last one?” Maul taunted.

Obi wan jumped back and both him and Maul glared at each other. He was situated between Maul and Luke.

He resumed the ataru position bringing his hand down, gripping his blue lightsaber with both hands and slightly off center. Then he raised it to the soresu form, shoulder height, horizontal, his left hand extended out parallel with two fingers ready to move. Maul raised his double bladed red saber, turning it menacingly in his hand. The tension rose as Obi wan studied Maul’s every twitch preparing for his attack. Finally he lowered his lightsaber and faked a thrust low trying to bring the hilt up to hit Obi wan in the face. It was the same move he’d used to deliver the lethal blow to Qui-Gon. But Obi wan had feinted too and brought his lightsaber straight down through the hilt of Maul’s, cutting it in half while slicing a long deep, blow down his chest.

Maul’s eyes widened in disbelief and then he fell forward into Obi wan who caught him and lowered him down. “He’s not just any boy, is he?” Maul sputtered breathlessly. Obi wan shook his head. “Then he has brought hope at last.” He went still as the life faded from him. Obi wan reached up and closed his eyelids; sorrow permeating his soul.

Maul may have always been his adversary. He may have killed his master. But it pained him to imagine what he must have suffered to end up like this. As he looked up at Luke who was standing over them, he realized that it was time to understand Anakin’s suffering. Not just brush it aside. Anakin had become just like Maul. And no matter what master Yoda had said, it was time to ask why.

“Is he really dead this time?” Luke asked nervously. “Dad said you cut him in half before and he still survived.”

“Yes,” Obi wan replied.

“But you’re sad.” Luke observed. “Did you care about him?”

“I pitied him,” Obi wan responded. “But first, I’d hated him. It’s unfortunate that this is how we had to mend the old wound.”

“What did he mean about the failure of your last apprentice?” Luke asked.

“Did your father not tell you?” Obi wan replied surprised.

“That’s kind of a running theme with him.”

Obi wan smiled at the thought, “yeah, he was never really good at talking about important things. Your father was my student. I trained him from a small boy, much younger than you are now.”

“So my father turning to the dark side is how he failed you, then?”

Obi wan sighed. “I want to say yes, he did fail me. But perhaps… I’m the one that failed him.” He looked down at Maul; a truly broken soul, inside and out. He wondered what his master had done to him. And if he’d done the same to Anakin.

 

–-

 

“Anakin? Can you read me?” Obi wan’s voice came through the comm. Anakin wiped his greasy hands on his pants and climbed out of the engineering shaft he had been working in. He was trying to get this bucket of bolts to go faster.

“I read you, master.” He said flipping the switch so the blue transparent holo image of Obi wan came into view.

“Good, I wasn’t sure the signal would reach far enough to get to you.” Obi wan said, his image glitched for a moment and Anakin turned a knob to boost the signal. He wished Artoo was here, but he’d sent the little droid with Leia to watch over her. Obi wan would be with Luke. “We ran into an old friend on the way to Scarif, I think I know where the Kaminoans are.”

“Where?” Anakin asked tensing. He’d had to guess based on Obi wan’s information, which direction to head in. They’d encountered Maul near Ilum, but Kamino was at least a week in the opposite direction. Even though he knew Kamino had been shut down, he’d headed that direction first.

“According to the computer, Maul was headed towards a planet called Rothana. It’s best known for its heavy machinery factories, but there’s large sectors of it unexplored. It might be a good place to start. Oh and I also learned what Maul was doing on Ilum.”

“Oh?”

“His notes indicate that he was missing one ingredient from the virus he infected Ahsoka with. He needed kyber crystals. Something about their force properties combined with the virus would destroy the midchlorians, not simply block them. Obviously I’m not an expert, but if he didn’t give her the complete version, there’s a chance she’ll be able to recover her force powers.” Obi wan reported.

“Master, I just want to keep her alive first. At this point, the other would be a bonus.”

“I understand,” Obi wan replied comfortingly. “Be careful, Anakin.”

“You too. May the force be with you all.” Anakin shut down the link and sighed. It wasn’t much but it was more than he already had. He wanted to hope they could reverse the damage Maul had caused to her senses, but he had to make sure she lived long enough for that chance first.

He reset the nav computer for Rothana, which thankfully was in the same direction he’d already been heading, and went back to work tinkering. There wasn’t a lot he could do to improve this junk heap, but at least it kept his mind occupied.

Ever since he’d stopped being Vader, he’d been struggling to make his own decisions. He still found himself hoping others would provide the direction for him. Growing up as a slave had made him despise being ordered around and yet, after so many years of still obeying others, it was scary to have people letting him make up his own mind. Sometimes old habits kicked in and he knew strategically how to respond to a situation and people would listen and usually follow his recommendations. But other times, when he knew there were things he should be doing, like helping the rebellion destroy the Death Star, he found himself withdrawing. Needing to head in a different direction. He wanted to be the good person everybody hoped he could be again… but something had been eating away at him; a thought, perhaps? Maybe a doubt? Could you be a good person and still go your own way? Or did being a good person always mean being selfless?

He was all too familiar with what the Jedi had taught. And the Sith had gone the complete opposite direction. But was there a middle ground? Was there truly balance? Could you be all one way and not the other or did everyone have both inside? As a Jedi, he’d tried to be good and live by their code, but there was always something else. A monster or a dragon. Something he couldn’t fully ignore or deny. But even when he’d been Vader, there must have still been good in him or Ahsoka would have died long ago.

But Ahsoka was the lucky one. If you could call all she’d been through, lucky. Others had not made it as far. Could he really call himself good? Even if he had spared her? That didn’t seem like the definition of good. She believed in him so much, it made him want to believe in himself. Starting to really get to know his kids, made him want to be a better person. And Obi wan, probably the one he’d damaged the most, was still supporting him, still helping him, still there for him. What had he ever done to deserve that loyalty? Ahsoka had told him if he felt undeserving, he diminished the power of their love. But whether he wanted to believe he deserved a second chance or not… he knew he didn’t. The things he’d done were just too terrible.

The nightmares had been hounding him for years, but they’d been on a rampage since they’d killed the emperor. He’d remember the Son on Mortis. He’d remember the fear and screams from the children in the temple. He’d remember choking Padmé and Ahsoka. He’d see himself lying in the ash; feel the pain of the fire on his skin, the gnawing loss of everything he’d ever known. But the worst one, was that of his mother. Finding her so broken and close to death. Beaten, tortured in so much pain. In the nightmares, it was his hands that had committed the atrocity. It was his hands not killing the Tuskens, but killing her. There was always so much blood in these dreams. Simply by existing, he’d brought pain and suffering to everyone he’d ever met.

There was nowhere in the galaxy that he could run to that would save them. Nothing he could ever do to make up for it. Obi wan should have killed him. Ahsoka should have killed him. The emperor should have killed him. Why was he still alive?

He thought of Ahsoka in the hibernation chamber back on Alderaan. If he died now, so would she. He was still alive, because of love… His love for them kept him moving forward or their love for him had stayed their blade. If only he’d understood that sooner. Then maybe none of those people ever would have died. “I was wrong, Padmé.” He choked. “Love could have saved you, but instead…” he couldn’t finish the thought as the guilt overwhelmed him. He huddled down in the engineering pit and cried into his knees.


	23. Chapter 23

Because they’d gotten side tracked by Maul, Obi wan and Luke had missed their rendezvous. So when they entered the Scarif system, there was already a full scale fire fight in process.

They docked with the carrier that was hanging on the edge of the battle so they could switch into fighters and assist from above.

“Be careful, Luke.” Obi wan said as Luke climbed into his x-wing fighter. “Remember to use the force.” Luke nodded and the top of his ship closed. Obi wan climbed into a y-wing bomber a few ships away. It wasn’t a Jedi fighter, but it would have to do. He hated flying; it was always Anakin’s forte. But he’d do what was necessary to help out.

They got the go ahead to take off and were soon engaged in keeping the tie fighters busy. A strike force was already on the surface through the shield. Their job was to infiltrate the facility and retrieve the plans. Then they were to send them to the command ship that he, Luke and Phoenix squadron were protecting. Once they received the plans, the command ship would jump away to safety, pass them to Leia and disappear to one of the far rebel bases. Since Leia was the princess of Alderaan, she could pass as not being involved and slip away unnoticed, hopefully, to safety. That was the plan anyways. But as Obi wan knew all too well, things rarely went according to plan.

Even though Obi wan’s main objective was to keep the imperial ships thinking about them rather than what could be happening on the surface, he was also to watch over Luke. Which had been much easier on Tatooine, now he felt like he was chasing Anakin around all over again.

It seemed as though things were going fairly well, at least until the Death Star came out of hyperspace above the planet.

“That’s not good,” he muttered to himself. A quick scan of it told him it was powering its primary weapon.

He flipped the comm for the capital ship, “get them off the planet now!”

“We can’t,” the commander responded, “all communications have been jammed. We haven’t been able to raise them on any frequency.”

“We can’t fight that thing, we need to pull back.”

The Death Star fired on the planet, engulfing the entire thing in fire. When the planet exploded, it sent a shockwave through space, throwing their ships around as if they were mere toys. Most were destroyed because they were thrown into other ships or debris. The wave carried Obi wan’s bomber several parsecs away before he could regain control of it.

His heart heaved at the loss of so many lives. Had they even managed to get the plans? Had any of it been worth it? Where was Luke? And Leia? And the rest of the rebels? He couldn’t get in touch with anyone. His ship’s computers were fried. All he could do was float there in despair.

–-

Anakin had found the Kaminoans at last and they’d claimed they could help Ahsoka. But the trouble was, he had to bring her here, to Rothana. Which meant trying to keep her alive long enough to do that. They hadn’t been eager to help, but he’d had one advantage; they did not know the emperor had died, and they didn’t know that he was no longer lord Vader. As long as they believed he still worked for the emperor, they would cooperate. He didn’t trust them, but they were the only hope he had at saving Ahsoka.

Once back aboard his ship, he called the hospital on Alderaan and told them to prep Ahsoka for travel. The doctors thought he was insane. They didn’t have any portable hibernation pods. Anakin, annoyed, told them to come up with something. And then the call was interrupted by another signal. Thinking it was Obi wan again, he flipped the switch surprised to hear a series of frantic beeping.

“Artoo! Calm down,” he replied, “tell me what’s going on.” His astromech droid told him that Scarif had been destroyed, Phoenix squadron had failed to protect the command ship and had been scattered, and that Leia was in possession of the plans, but was being pursued by several imperial cruisers. “What is your position? I’ll be right there!” He said, priming the engines. The planet had been destroyed… their forces scattered… he should have been there to help!

He came out of hyperspace in time to see three heavily armored imperial cruisers closing on Leia’s ship as it limped along. There was damage to its hyperdrive and there was debris everywhere. He saw that two transport ships were closing in and about to board it. Then he scanned several escape pods ejecting from her ship. She wasn’t in them, but Artoo was.

“Artoo,” Anakin opened a comm to the droid, “find Obi wan. Get that information back to the rebel base. I’ll get Leia.” The droid beeped obediently and it’s escape pod disappeared unnoticed. The imps probably thought it had been released empty.

 

—

 

The hatch opened to the sounds of fire, shouting and blasters. There was so much smoke, he could hardly see anything. He stepped forward, using his senses and ignited his lightsaber.

The stormtroopers turned on him, firing wildly. He easily deflected every bolt back at them. Using the force he pushed one up in the air, slicing through their back. Then he forced pulled their blasters out of their hands. He sliced through the rest of them as if they were nothing, until he finally found Leia and a group of rebels trying to fight them off. He cleared the path to her and she looked up at him with relief, her blue lightsaber still gripped tightly in one hand, and a blaster in the other. Her eyes a little wide from exhaustion.

“Are you alright?” He asked her. She looked past him at all the stormtroopers he’d killed effortlessly.

“Boy, am I glad you’re on our side.” She replied. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling in response. The ship lurched suddenly, throwing them all off balance. He caught her as she fell into him. “Oh great,” she said and jumped back up running to the bridge, Anakin right on her heels.

“They have us in a tractor beam,” the captain reported.

“Yeah, I guessed that.” She responded. “Any suggestions?” She looked up at him.

“Lets go make some new friends.” Anakin said.

“I thought these were your friends.” Leia said hiking an eyebrow.

“Nope,” he replied trying to not be annoyed by her dig. “I never liked them even when they were working for me.”

“Then why did you keep them around?” She asked following him towards the loading ramp.

“Because they were good at what they did.”

“Being evil?”

Anakin gave her a look of annoyance and then lowered the docking ramp. “Talk first, fight later.”

“Obi wan said that was his trick, you always talked with your lightsaber.” Leia whispered.

“Remind me to stop letting you two spend time with my old master.”

–-

“What is the meaning of this?” Leia demanded of the officer on the cruiser they’d been pulled into. “I’m on a diplomatic mission as an envoy from Alderaan!”

“We know you’re involved with the rebel cell. We saw you escaping after the battle. Give us the plans you stole,” the imperial officer replied.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Leia said stubbornly.

“Fine, then we’ll take you to the admiral.” The officer motioned for a battalion of stormtroopers to escort them to the bridge.

“Tarkin!” Leia spat. “I knew I smelled something awful the moment I stepped on this ship.” Anakin hiked an eyebrow at her, but she ignored him. He just shrugged and watched Grand Moff Tarkin slowly turn around with a bemused expression.

“Princess Leia,” Tarkin sneered. “It’s a pleasure to see you again as well, your highness.”

“I’ll have you know that commandeering a diplomatic ship is a treasonous act.”

“You know as well as I do, princess, that the senate is no longer in control of its own military and that as long as there is no ruling government, treason is impossible.” Tarkin drawled. “I also happen to know that you’re in possession of stolen information.”

“Like I told your deck officer, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Leia replied innocently.

Tarkin reached forward and grabbed her by the chin, tilting her head so he could look in her eyes. Anakin’s fists tightened. “Let her go.” He snarled.

Tarkin rounded on him, looking him up and down. “And who are you?”

“I’m someone you’re going to regret messing with.” Anakin replied tightly.

“Take them to the brig,” Tarkin ordered the stormtroopers. “I’ll interrogate them later.”

Anakin and Leia were escorted to separate cells, with no chance to talk.

—

Anakin paced his cell furiously. So much for the talking method. Leia was right, that was always Obi wan’s game. He should stick with what he knew best; action. His lip curled in disgust that he’d ever admired Tarkin. Now he saw him for what he really was, a power hungry slimo that thrived on other people’s suffering.

He hated waiting around here, he should have sprung into action when he’d had the chance. Every second he was stuck here was another second Ahsoka was wasting away. He wasn’t sorry for saving his daughter, although the way she bad mouthed Tarkin made him pretty certain she could handle herself just fine. She did need more training with a lightsaber though. Deflecting bolts with her left hand and then firing the blaster with her right. It worked, he supposed, but her grip was terrible and she had no confidence in using it. She sure had known how to use that blaster though. He couldn’t help but wonder what Bail had let her get involved in that taught her how to shoot like that.

He admired her toughness. She seemed so fragile, but her snarky attitude made up for her petite exterior. Did she get that from him or Padmé? Probably Padmé. He’d let her take the lead back there, mainly because he had no idea what to do. At least this time he didn’t claim to be Darth Vader. It was a step in the right direction. He just didn’t trust himself. He was afraid to make the wrong decision and someone else would pay for his mistake. Too many had already.

–-

Obi wan looked up surprised to see an escape pod heading his way. He’d been trying to repair his communications, but so far had no luck. R7 had been fried along with his ship. He was even more surprised to see Anakin’s astromech droid, R2D2, disembark the escape pod. It proceeded to release the dead R7 unit and take over its position. It beeped at him, but he wasn’t sure he knew what it was saying.

“I’m glad to see you, little buddy,” Obi wan said sincerely. But why was he here? Where was Leia? Artoo got his bomber flying again in no time. It didn’t have a hyperdrive, the escape pod did, however, but there was no safe way for him to get in it. Clearly the droid thought of that, because he beeped and went back to the escape pod, attaching it to the bottom of Obi wan’s ship and then jumping them both into hyperspace. He hoped it knew what it was doing, bombers weren’t really designed for hyperspace travel. And his was in pretty bad shape.

They survived the jump and came out near a rebel ship. It was Home One, Admiral Ackbar’s ship. Artoo brought them both in. And Obi wan was relieved to find Luke already aboard. He greeted Artoo, much like Anakin used to and then was able to translate that Artoo was carrying the Death Star plans. The crew cheered in spite of the losses on Scarif, there was hope at last.

“Where’s Leia?” Luke asked the droid. Artoo beeped a series of sad whistles and sounds. Luke looked up at Obi wan. “Artoo says Leia was captured by the imperials, and that father was going to rescue her. I think we need to help them.”

“We don’t even know where they are.” Obi wan replied. “And after what we just witnessed on Scarif, we need to stop the Death Star first. Remember what I told you about putting the mission first?”

“Yes,” Luke said pouting a little.

Obi wan rested a hand on Luke’s shoulder, “if Anakin is with Leia, they’ll be fine. Right now, we need to focus on the bigger threat. Being a Jedi isn’t all about swinging a lightsaber and being a hero, sometimes it means making hard decisions for the greater good.”

–-

Guards dragged Anakin and Leia to the command deck of the imperial cruiser.

“Where is the rebel base?” Tarkin asked Leia.

“Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you.” Leia replied.

“Okay, then we’ll try a different tactic.” Tarkin sneered. “Hit her,” a storm trooper stepped forward and zapped her with an electrostaff. Anakin felt every muscle in his body tighten. He tried to look around to assess the situation and figure out how to fight back, but Leia must have felt what he was wanting to do because she looked at him to say don’t give in, it’s what they want. How could he just sit there and watch her suffer?

The trooper hit her several more times until she was curled on the floor in a fetal position. Anakin’s anger was rising, but then he saw through the transparisteel glass, that they were orbiting Alderaan. His breath caught in his throat when he saw the Death Star come out of hyperspace.

“If you won’t tell me where the rebel base is, then I will destroy your home planet.” Tarkin taunted.

Leia was on her feet in an instant. “Fine,” she said. “They’re on Dantooine.”

“Now was that so hard?” Tarkin asked.

“Isn’t Dantooine in the middle of nowhere?” Another officer asked.

“That’s the point, genius!” Leia remarked sarcastically.

“Send a ship to Dantooine,” Tarkin ordered. “And tell the Death Star to fire on Alderaan.”

“What? No!” Leia responded.

“You think I’m stupid enough to believe you’d just give me their location?” Tarkin asked.

“The thought had crossed my mind,” Leia replied defiantly.

“There is no rebel base on Dantooine, and even if there was, it’s too far away for a proper demonstration. You’re just sending us on a wild goose chase to buy your rebel friends time.”

Anakin brought his arms around leaping over the binders, he knocked two officers together and then kicked the storm trooper that had been electrocuting his daughter in the head. Leia, picked up a blaster from one of the officers, and shot three other troopers. Anakin whirled around the bridge knocking out a dozen others, and eventually picked up a blaster himself. Tarkin just stood by and watched as the two of them laid waste to the imperials on the bridge and then turned their blasters on him.

“Most impressive, Lord Vader.” Tarkin said maliciously. “Or should I call you by your real name?”

“Tell the Death Star to stand down,” Anakin said menacingly.

“Or what?” Tarkin asked as two more battalions of storm troopers arrived on the bridge.

“I’ll kill you,” Anakin snarled. He heard two dozen blasters caulk behind him.

“I think you might enjoy this,” Tarkin gloated. “Considering that you helped build it. I don’t suppose you told your daughter that.” He glanced at Leia and flipped a switch that brought up a visual of the Death Star’s primary weapon preparing to fire.

“No!” Anakin yelled, ignoring the blasters pointed at them and raced to the giant window. With his hands on the glass and his knees on the metal deck, he felt something change in him. He wasn’t angry or sad; he felt cold. Not the nothingness or disassociation of the dark side. He just felt for the first time that life was out of his control. There was nothing he could do to change it. He realized that this was what letting go must feel like. He didn’t like it.

–-

“Follow me, boys!” Luke said into his helmet as he sat in his X-wing fighter with Artoo behind the cockpit.

“Right behind you, Red five.” Came his old friend, Biggs’ voice.

“Copy that,” said Wedge Antilles.

“We have one shot at this, "make it count, red team.” Luke exclaimed.

“You bet! Time to sock it to them!” Biggs replied.

“Home one, standing by,” Admiral Ackbar said through the comm.

Ties appeared all around them as they raced towards the death star’s weak point. “Split up, take out as many ties as you can, but watch those cannons.” Luke ordered. The red team broke formation and started thinning out the enemy fighters. “Biggs, Wedge, cover me low, the rest stay high.”

“Gotcha, red five.”

Luke raced low and into the trench, spiraling to evade the Death Stars cannons. Biggs and Wedge kept the tie fighters off his back.

“T-minus, three minutes until the weapon is full power,” Admiral Ackbar reported.

“Almost there,” Luke replied. Flipping down his targeting computer as the thermal exhaust port came into view. With all the blaster fire around, he was having trouble getting a steady lock.

“I’m hit,” came Biggs’ voice. “I have to pull up.” Wedge took over cover, but then three ties came down behind them.

“Red five, I have to regroup, three ties on my tail. I’ll draw them away,” Wedge said. But only one tie followed him as he spun up out of the trench.

“Someone needs to cover red five!” The two ties exploded seconds after as the millennium falcon came zipping in.

“Han!” Luke exclaimed. “Glad you got my message!”

“How’d you know I’d want to join the fun?” Came his friend’s voice.

“Oh just a hunch,” Luke replied smiling.

“I got you covered, hit it where it hurts.” Han replied and steered the falcon to follow Luke down the trench.

“It’s in sight, but the computer won’t lock on it!” Luke said, he was sweating.

“Luke, use the force,” came old Ben’s voice.

“Use the force…” Luke repeated to himself… “right.”

“T-minus thirty seconds.”

Luke flipped up his targeting computer and took a deep breath. Then he let his grip on the ship’s controls relax. Artoo beeped at him. As he slipped into the meditation and he felt the force all around him, he pulled the trigger.

“I got it!” He said. “Clear out!” He pulled up, spiraling to evade the cannons, and with the other fighters on his tail, they raced away from the Death Star to a safe distance.

“Ten seconds… nine… eight… seven… six…”


	24. Chapter 24

Anakin stood as the Death Star exploded just before it managed to fire on Alderaan. He shielded his eyes from the bright light. He was in disbelief. Had it malfunctioned?

He turned on Tarkin, gripping him in a force choke. He felt calm, detached.

“Order this vessel to stand down,” he said. The storm troopers had their weapons raised to fire but were looking amongst themselves for orders.

“Never!” Tarkin gasped defiantly.

“Father!” Leia said, “we’ll make him face justice. If you kill him, someone else will just take his place!” Anakin looked at his daughter and saw Padmé looking back at him. Her big brown eyes full of wisdom and compassion. He dropped his hold on Tarkin’s neck.

“You’re a monster!” Tarkin wheezed.

“Look who’s talking,” Leia snapped.

“I was once.” Anakin replied softly. “I was just like you. I wanted power, position, prestige. But at what it cost me to get it, it gave me no pleasure. Now I pity you. And all those that seek the same thing. Even if you kill us now, your empire is crushed. The rebels have won.”

The ship rocked from multiple explosions. Anakin took advantage of the chaos to grab Leia by the arm and charge out of the room.

“Let’s get out of here.” Anakin said.

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” she replied. “We need to get those binders off you so you can help fight. Where do you suppose they hid our lightsabers?”

Anakin ducked behind some cover as Leia shot the group of storm troopers they encountered. He reached out with the force for his crystal. “This way,” he said and led them down a side corridor.

“You’re really amazing with that blaster,” he commented several hallways down as she hardly missed a shot.

“Well, someone has to save our skins,” she said and jumped out taking down five more before he even managed to fire a shot.

Anakin smirked to himself impressed. “You must have spent too much time with Ahsoka.”

“Actually, no,” she replied as they crept down another corridor. “I’d never even met her before you came along.”

“Oh,” Anakin said surprised. “Well you two are a lot alike.” They came to a storage room and found their lightsabers.

They cleared a path towards the escape pods when just before they got there, storm troopers surrounded them. The ones ahead of them got hit from behind and dropped to the ground. Him and Leia ducked as a Wookiee and two humans shot the ones behind them.

The Wookiee looked down at them and growled something. Leia was on her feet first. “Get this walking carpet out of my way,” she said.

“Be nice, he just saved us.” Anakin retorted.

But Leia ran around the Wookiee as it stepped aside and threw her arms around Luke’s neck.

“Good to see you,” Anakin said.

“Let’s save the pleasantries for later,” Han Solo replied. “We gotta get off this bucket before it goes down.”

“Well then what are we waiting for?” Leia asked.

“You to stop slobbering all over your boyfriend, your worshipness,” Han responded.

“He’s my brother, you scruffy looking nerf herder.” She retorted. Anakin rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t tell me your sister was so pleasant,” Han said grumpily to Luke.

“Huuguughghg huurh,” Chewbacca said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Han replied.

They all followed Luke as he lead the way back to the hanger where they’d left the falcon.

–-

“I thought I might find you here,” Obi wan said, joining Anakin in the hospital room where Ahsoka was.

“Master,” Anakin replied dully.

“I suppose I don’t need to ask why you’re not joining in on the festivities.”

“I’m not in a celebratory mood.” Anakin responded, "Besides, I have to get Ahsoka to Rothana as soon as possible. I’ve already been delayed too long.“

"I’ll go with you,” Obi wan said.

“I’ve already told you,” the doctor said, agitation in his voice as he entered the room where the two of them were standing, “we don’t have a hibernation pod that can be moved. If you take her, you’ll be sentencing her to death.”

“And as I already told you, doctor, I understand that. But I have to take the chance. The Kaminoans have the cure. And I sure as hell would rather her die on the way to be saved then prolong her life here with no help!” Anakin said raising his voice.

Obi wan patted his arm. “What’s required to move her?” He asked the doctor.

“We’d have to bring her out of hibernation. If she survives that process, she’d need a fully operational medical transport to have a chance to last the five day trip you’re proposing.”

“Well, we won’t have a medical transport, but Bail has offered his best medically equipped cruiser for the move.” Obi wan responded thoughtfully. “It will have to do.”

“What you’re asking, is a death sentence for her!” The doctor responded angrily.

“And leaving her here to rot is not?” Anakin retorted, hands clenching.

“I can’t in good conscious authorize such a foolish plan when a patient’s life hangs in the balance.” The doctor responded.

“Let me handle this,” Obi wan whispered to Anakin who turned and stormed out of the room.

“Doctor,” Obi wan started, “We appreciate your concern and we respect your opinion, but our options are limited. I will personally see that she gets the best care aboard our ship as possible. Now please, begin the preparations.”

The doctor sighed, “you’re lucky the crown prince holds you in such high regard. I am still strongly against this.”

“Thank you,” Obi wan said, bowing to him.

—

Aboard the cruiser that Bail had supplied, Anakin set its nav computer for Rothana and then jumped into hyperspace. He then joined Obi wan and Ahsoka in the medical bay.

Obi wan was giving instructions to the medical droid on its duties for tending to her. She’d survived the de-hibernation process, but was in critical condition. Anakin felt disheartened. He was happy the Death Star had been destroyed. Amazed and relieved that both his kids had survived the battle to bring it down and proud of their roles in it and their bravery. But he still felt empty. He figured he’d feel that way the rest of his life if they couldn’t save Ahsoka.

When he thought he’d lost her for sure on Tarkin’s ship as that horrible weapon nearly annihilated Alderaan, he’d felt something snap inside him. It was as if he’d have nothing worth living for. It felt awful to admit that to himself. But after what he witnessed with his children, he knew they’d be just fine without him; probably even better off. So when it really came down to it, saving Ahsoka was the only thing keeping him moving forward. It was as though after every horrible thing he’d done, she was his last chance at being whole again.

No matter what anyone said, or how many were giving him second chances, he felt as though he would always be beyond redemption. As he’d told them, he knew who he wanted to be, but what he’d never said further, was that he felt for certain that there was no possible way for him to be that person. As though somewhere along the way, perhaps way before he could trace back, he’d lost his chance to ever be that. And although saving Ahsoka wouldn’t change that feeling, she at least made him feel like he had somewhere he was meant to be.

The truth was, he was afraid of himself. If anyone else had doubts about his loyalties, they paled in comparison to his own. It was as if Vader still lurked just beneath the surface and could come out at any moment. He’d always be hosting that dragon inside of him. He’d always be haunted by what he was capable of, by what he’s still capable of. The way he saw it, there was nothing to really look forward to. No big grand purpose as the Jedi had once promised him. No proud strong empire to build as the emperor had. He’d fulfilled his destiny as the Chosen One, there was no place for him now.

As much as he’d hated the burden of that title, the absence of it was heavier than he’d thought possible. The future of the galaxy rested on the shoulders of his children. On the shoulders of those that got up every day and fought for it. He could fight battles with them, but he’d never turn the tides like he once had. He’d never beat the game, for his game had already been played. But if Ahsoka was there, if she was next to him, at least there’d be something interesting to enjoy and look forward to. Even if neither of them had life altering roles anymore.

–-

Obi wan watched his old apprentice out of the corner of his eye. He had so many questions for him. Questions he knew he should have asked ages ago. Anakin looked so desolate as he pulled up a chair near Ahsoka’s bed and held her fingers in his hand. It sickened Obi wan to realize that all the council’s actions taken to isolate Anakin and break his attachments were always done without thought to how Anakin would handle it. He’d played his own role in that.

As his master, he’d realized far too late that Anakin needed those connections. He would never be able to walk the solitary life of a Jedi, never be satisfied with shallow bonds. It was ultimately why he’d stopped trying to fight Anakin’s desire to be with Padmé. His need for love and affection had blinded him to people’s true natures, yes, but if he’d just been allowed to have relationships… rather than be told to deny his feelings… maybe so many things would have turned out differently.

Obi wan pulled up a chair facing him. “Anakin…” he started, swallowing the difficulty of what he must now do; something that would be treacherous for both of them. Anakin looked up at him, a glimmer of tears in his eyes. “I went far too long without asking, because I always hoped you’d tell me willingly, that I wouldn’t have to pull it out of you. I hoped that by leaving those conversations open, you’d eventually let me in. But when you didn’t, I never pushed. And maybe I should have.” He said. Anakin didn’t respond, he just rubbed his mechanical fingers over Ahsoka’s hand.

Obi wan didn’t understand why it was so difficult just to ask Anakin questions, but as he thought about it, he supposed it was because he was afraid of his answers. Even back when they were as close as brothers, there were things about Anakin he was afraid to know. He didn’t want to know the truth perhaps because somewhere deep inside, he’d known the truth would contradict everything he believed Anakin to be.

“What happened to your mother?” He asked at last, expecting Anakin to respond angrily or say he didn’t want to talk about it. Anakin was silent for awhile as he appeared to mull over how to respond.

“I failed her,” he said at last. Obi waited for him to go on. It took him a few minutes to find his words, but he finally did. “I thought becoming a Jedi meant I’d be strong enough to save her. Maybe even have the authority to demand they free her. But no matter how hard I trained, it never seemed to be enough for the council. I started having nightmares about her suffering. I knew I had to go to her, but no one would let me go,” his hand tightened a bit on Ahsoka’s, but then he relaxed it again. “The Tuskens had kidnapped her, tortured her, beaten her… she died in my arms. She told me, she’d always known I’d come back for her. But all I could see was that I hadn’t come back soon enough. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me.” Anakin trailed off for awhile. Obi wan didn’t realize he was holding his breath. He knew the end of that story. He’d learned it from the sand people during his exile on Tatooine. A Jedi had slaughtered a whole tribe. To them it had been a completely unprovoked act, to Anakin, it had been vengeance, perhaps even in his broken soul, justice.

But their blood was on his hands too. Because he was the reason Anakin had never been allowed to return to his mother. The Jedi had believed attachment dangerous, but it would seem… breaking it was more so.

Obi wan wanted to reach out to him. He wanted to say he was sorry. He wanted to take responsibility for his suffering, but for now, he dared not to. It hadn’t been with Padmé at all where his suffering had started. It had started the moment they’d taken him from his mother. It had started with their fear and distrust of him, with their inability to accept and support him as an individual. Anakin could not be trained the same as the thousands of Jedi before him, and the council had failed to recognize that the fear they’d sensed in him from the start, was their own doing.

Now that Anakin’s explanation connected the dots in the picture, Obi wan now understood why he’d fallen so easily for Padmé. At first she’d been warm, like a mother figure. Especially in the light of being handed over to, in a child’s perspective, two cold, seemingly unfriendly men. As he’d aged, his dreams of her went from mother to romantic. While he’d been separated from his mother and Padmé, the chancellor had stepped in as a caring father figure. Again, someone warm, compared to the distant Jedi. It made perfect sense now that when the choice was put before him, he would choose those that had felt like friends over those that had ordered him around and apparently, rarely acknowledged him or given him respect.

Obi wan glanced at Ahsoka. She was the missing link. Somewhere between all his conflicting ideals, she’d bridged the gap between what he should be and what he was. Teaching her had forced him to figure out where he had stood. And that was why he’d grown and thrived when she’d entered his life. She was softer than the average Jedi, tough but soft. She loved deeply too. She had supported him and trusted him, helping him find faith and confidence. But she’d also been firm in her own beliefs and she’d helped guide him towards a better version of himself. She had criticized him too, but in a more playful, loving way. Perhaps even a more questioning way. And her questions had ultimately forced Anakin to rethink his own actions.

And their bond had been far deeper than any before between a master and an apprentice. Anakin had come to trust her not just to have his back, but also to be his moral guide. And when she’d left, he’d lost all sense of who he was and where he fit.

He looked back at Anakin surprised to find him watching him.

“You understand now, don’t you?” His old apprentice asked quietly.

“Yes,” was all Obi wan could manage in response. Anakin didn’t know who Anakin even was without the people in his life that defined him.


	25. Chapter 25

She opened her eyes to see Anakin sitting by the end of her bed. She smiled to herself. She was glad he was near. She didn’t recognize the room, nor did she have any idea how much time had passed. She flexed her fingers and then raised her hand. Anakin, sensing her movement, was on his feet in an instant, practically running to her side. She looked up at his scarred face, worry and relief written all over it. He took her hand between his and sat on the edge of the bed.

“How do you feel?” He asked.

“Tired,” she said, “but I think I’m going to live.”

He smiled, his eyes sparkled as though there’d been no life in them until she’d said that. He felt different to her, but maybe it was just all that had happened to her senses.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, furrowing her brow.

“Nothing now,” he whispered leaning forward and kissing her on the lips. She responded by opening her mouth to let him in. When they broke apart, she traced the side of his face, fingers brushing along his finally healing scars.

“Maul?” She asked.

“Dead.” He replied. “Obi wan killed him, for sure this time.”

“And the virus?”

“The Kaminoans were given a direct order to cease all work on it by lord Vader.” He said. “They’ll probably figure out the truth eventually, but I personally oversaw it all destroyed.”

She smiled. “I’m glad to hear it. Any other news I should know about, since I have no idea how long I’ve been out?”

“A month. And yes, Luke destroyed the Death Star with a one in a million hit to it’s thermal exhaust port just as it was about to blow up Alderaan. Tarkin’s army has been scattered and he’s on the run. Him and the other awol imperials are being hunted as we speak. Senator Organa and Senator Mothma are in the running for the position of supreme chancellor of the New Republic. Oh and Leia has a boyfriend.”

“What?” Her eyes widened.

“Yeah, I’m not so fond of him either. But thankfully he’s scared of me so at least he’ll treat her right.” He laughed. It was good to hear him laugh. She tried to remember the last time she had, but her memories were still a little fuzzy. “Oh and how could I forget? We ran into some old friends on the way here; I don’t suppose you remember Callista and Geith?”

“I do!” She exclaimed. “How are they? It’s good to hear they’re alive.”

“They are doing well. They have a child now, well I guess she’s not really a child anymore, she’s eighteen. But they’ve agreed to be a part of the new Jedi order that Obi wan is now the grand master of.”

“Oh wow!” She whispered. “That’s amazing news! I’m sure they’ll be an incredible asset to the order. How’s Obi wan feeling about restarting the Jedi?”

“Well, he and I had some serious heart to heart conversations on our way here and I think he’s comfortable with it. We had to pry open some pretty big scars, but we managed to without killing each other.” He smirked.

Ahsoka now understood what was different about him. He wasn’t hiding behind a million layers of pain; he’d had a chance to work some things out. He seemed, balanced. For the first time since she’d known him. Yet she could feel something still bothering him.

She ran her hand down his arm and he gazed at her. “Talk to me,” she said.

Anakin glanced around and then looked at her with fear in his eyes. “When I thought the Death Star was about to blow up Alderaan… when I thought I almost lost you for good… it felt like half of me just shriveled up and died.” He got up and paced back and forth for a moment. “I understood in that moment that that was what letting go felt like. Knowing that something was out of your control and there was nothing you could do. My whole life I’ve held onto what mattered to me, and even when I lost them, I held onto the pain of it as if… as if it was the next best thing I had if I couldn’t have them.” He turned and looked at her again, “I can’t let go; I won’t. But I feel different now, since no longer being Vader. Like I’m somehow less than I used to be. It’s like every person that I’ve lost is a missing limb. And that those that are still there, I hold onto tighter because I can’t control my grip.” He sighed and looked down. “I don’t think I’m making any sense.”

She propped herself up on her elbows and then tried to go all the way to a sitting position, reaching out for him. He grabbed her hands to hold her steady. “Anakin,” she breathed. “The people that you love, are part of you. But losing them doesn’t make you something less. It changes things, yes. It makes things harder; it makes life colder. But it doesn’t make you nothing. Letting go… doesn’t mean forgetting them. It doesn’t mean you don’t still have the memories or the feelings they created in you; it just means they’re not there physically.” She swung her legs off the side of the bed so she could sit upright easier. “Letting go simply means not letting the pain control you.”

“When I thought I had to let you go, I felt empty. I felt like I had no purpose; no meaning. I felt like I didn’t belong in this galaxy anymore.” He knelt down on one knee looking up at her. She threw herself forward around his neck.

“You don’t need a destiny, for your life to be important,” she breathed into his ear. “Whatever you do will affect those around you. Our perception of the scale of influence changes, but the influence is still there.” She squeezed him tightly and then pulled back to look at him.

“Will you marry me?” He asked.

“You bet!” She replied, kissing him deeply.

–-

“Close your eyes.” Anakin told her as they got into an air taxi.

“Where are we going?” Ahsoka asked, but closed her eyes anyways.

“It’s a surprise.” He said.

“I figured that when you told me to close my eyes.” She stuck her tongue out at him “How long do I have to keep them closed?”

“Until I say you can open them.”

“And when will that be?”

“Soon,” he whispered, kissing her on the cheek.

It had been a couple months since they’d left Rothana. Her and Anakin had helped track down the scattered imperial officers. Tarkin was still awol, and director Krennic had been confirmed dead on Scarif. They’d finally caught up with Thrawn and brought him into custody. This was the first time in years they both were back on Coruscant. Last time she’d been here, they were about to leave for Mandalore. She’d had no idea that day that it would be so long before she’d be back. She’d somehow known things would be changing, but no idea how much. It wasn’t so much that she loved this planet. It was a far cry from the landscape of her ancestors. But she had grown up here as part of the Jedi, so there were still some ties she had to this place.

After all the things that had happened, it was weird to feel so many beings around her bustling about as though none of it had affected them. She didn’t know a lot about the changes to peoples’ daily lives when the empire took control, at least not in the core worlds. She saw the difference in people in the outer rim, but she’d been under the impression that for the most part life went on as usual with different people in charge. In spite of the empire being a dictatorship, the senate had been left largely intact. She wasn’t sure how that worked either. She was starting to realize there were just some things she’d never fully understand.

“We’re here!” Anakin announced.

“Where’s here?” she asked teasingly. Instead of obliging her with an answer, he helped her out of the taxi. Just using her senses, she could tell they were high up; the wind was blowing hard. She could hear the traffic moving around them. This particular place didn’t feel familiar so she really had no idea where he’d taken her. With one arm behind her back and the other holding hers, he guided her down a walkway and through several doors. She was so curious.

They stopped at last. “You can open your eyes now.” He breathed with anticipation.

They were standing in the entry of a beautiful little apartment. It was stylishly decorated with panoramic views of the city. It wasn’t huge, but it felt comfortable. He watched her as she explored the place, a smile on his lips. When she stopped at the door to the balcony that looked in the direction of the Jedi temple that was being restored, he joined her.

“It’s not much,” he said. “But it has a really great view.”

She slipped her arms around him. “It’s perfect. How did you afford it?”

“Oh, I convinced Hondo to give me back my share of the loot from all the missions I helped him with.” He replied trying to act nonchalant.

She squinted up at him, “And what did you have to promise in return?”

He cleared his throat and then mumbled, “Um… that I might help him out on occasion…” She did her best ‘oh really’ look. “You know,” he said looking a little flustered. “He’s not really that bad once you get to know him.” She hiked her markings on one side. “I mean… he’s got a code he lives by, which isn’t exactly like the Jedi code, but it works for what he does.”

“Smuggling, piracy and murder?” she asked bemused.

“Smuggling and piracy for sure, but he’s not a murderer.”

“Master Ani!” exclaimed a gold droid as he tottered in the room. “It is you! Bless my circuits! When Artoo told me you were alive I thought he had a loose wire. People don’t just come back from the dead! I’m glad to be wrong in this case.”

“Threepio?” Anakin responded turning around. Behind the droid was senator Organa and R2D2.

“I thought these were Padme’s droids, but I think they might actually be yours. I figured you might want them back.” Bail said, nodding to them both.

Anakin smiled in response. “Well, Artoo was originally Padme’s… I tended to borrow him often. Threepio I made to help my mother. After she died, I brought him back to help Padme. So technically, they belong to my children. But I most certainly won’t turn them away.” He said patting Artoo on the top of his dome. The little droid beeped at him. “Thank you, senator.”

“You’re welcome.” Bail replied warmly.

“I’m sorry to hear you didn’t get the Chancellor position,” Ahsoka said. “You would have been a great one.”

“Thank you,” Bail said. “But I think it’s for the best. Breha and I aren’t as young as we used to be and it would have been hard being so far apart all the time. I think if anybody will be able to rebuild the republic, Mon Mothma is the best one for the job. She was the one that built the rebellion beyond anything I could have done on my own.”

“I have a message for you.” Threepio interrupted. “Master Kenobi requests both of you to meet him at the new Jedi temple immediately.”

Anakin and Ahsoka glanced at each other. “I guess we’ll be on our way then.” Anakin said.


	26. Chapter 26

“Thank you for coming on such short notice, I know you both just returned.” Obi wan said as Anakin and Ahsoka came in the room behind him. He was busy trying to move furniture around the newly remodeled council room.

“Is everything alright?” Anakin asked concerned.

Obi wan finished moving the last chair into place and turned to look at them. “Yes and no.” He said at last, wiping the sweat off his brow.

“How can we help?” Ahsoka asked.

Obi wan slumped down into a chair and gestured for them to sit too. “I’ve been giving some thought to this whole grandmaster of the new Jedi order thing, and I’m not sure I’m up to it after all.”

“How can you say that, master? You’re the most qualified person out there.” Anakin said quickly. Obi wan half smiled but then stroked his beard in deep thought.

“Well, not exactly. But the reason I called you here is because I need a favor.”

“Of course,” Ahsoka said without hesitation.

“I will continue my role as grandmaster on one condition…” Obi wan said slowly. Enjoying their anxiety more than he should. “That the two of you agree to sit on the council.”

“What?” Anakin exclaimed standing up.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Master Kenobi.” Ahsoka said.

“Calm down, Anakin, hear me out.” Anakin grumbled something under his breath and sat back down. “Look, I know that given all we’ve each been through, none of us is truly qualified to restart the order as it once was. Both of you have pointed out its many failings on more than one occasion. And even though I used to believe strongly in the old code, I see now that it was outdated and did not truly serve the best interest of both its members and the people of the galaxy. So even though you two have both severed ties with it, I feel as though I cannot truly serve others without your perspectives and ideas.”

Obi wan went silent for a few moments so that Anakin and Ahsoka could mull over what he was saying.

“Anakin, you taught me time and time again, that though I tried to help people, I never really saw them. Or understood them. Your perspective on delicate situations, I regret to say, I never fully appreciated before. I spent entirely too much time believing I knew better and you just didn’t get it. But I see now that I was the one that didn’t get it. You showed me faces and individuals when I only saw numbers. Ahsoka, you taught me that wisdom comes at all ages and in many forms. You showed me that the path ahead is not black and white, but that with confidence, fearlessness and love, even impossible tasks become possible. You’ve shown me resilience and maturity that not even the old masters possessed at such degree. Your thoughtfulness and insights would be invaluable in creating an environment that would truly serve the people of this world and all the others.”

Obi wan watched as they glanced at each other, hoping that he had convinced them.

“I know you both have doubts about rejoining the Jedi order. I know that you feel as though you are unworthy to hold that position again. I understand, but I need you here. I can’t do this without you.”

“Will you actually listen to us this time?” Anakin asked finally.

“Yes.” Obi wan replied.

“Then we’d be honored to be a part of it again.” Ahsoka said, reaching for Anakin’s hand. He still looked a little uncertain but he nodded in agreement.

“Thank you.” Obi wan said with a sigh of relief.

–-

*New Jedi Order Open House, 19 years after the great Jedi Purge*

“Uncle Owen! Aunt Beru! I’m so glad you came!” Luke exclaimed happily, greeting his aunt and uncle with kisses on their cheeks as they walked nervously into the foyer of the restored Jedi temple. They looked around timidly. Anakin smiled to himself as he watched them take in the contrasting world of force users and the big city to what they were used to on Tatooine. It had taken a lot of convincing to get them to come, but ultimately they’d agreed. Anakin was pleased. It was important to Luke that they be a part of such a momentous occasion, even though they’d always been against him being a Jedi. “This is my twin sister, Leia!” Luke introduced her to the Lars’. She greeted them politely. They looked a little overwhelmed.

Anakin stepped forward at last, “Hello brother, glad you could make it.” He extended a mechanical hand to his half brother, Owen who looked up at him in surprise. Owen shook it hesitantly, as Anakin pulled him apart from the group for a moment. “It means a lot to Luke, that you’re here.” He spoke low so they wouldn’t be overheard.

“I didn’t want to come,” Owen admitted. “But I realized that even though I don’t agree with his choice to follow in your footsteps, we did raise him and we do love him.”

Anakin nodded thoughtfully brushing off his pointed remark. “I know you do. And I’m eternally grateful for all that you’ve done. You did what I could not. And I want you to know, that it’s because you loved him and raised him well, that he will not become like I had. He will be a Jedi. And he will not fall like I did.”

Owen seemed satisfied with Anakin’s response. “I thought Jedi were secretive, what’s this all about?”

Anakin smiled, “we used to be, but we’ve learned a few things over the years. We used to think it was better to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world, believing that distance would enable us to do what we must to save as many as possible. Now we’ve come to understand that relationships with the outside world, contact and support from our families and friends, is immeasurably important. Luke and Leia are the best examples of that. Because they both were given a chance to be raised in loving environments with great support systems, there is a far smaller chance for them to be tempted by power or anything else the dark side could offer.” Anakin could tell that his brother didn’t fully grasp what he was saying, but seemed to be pleased to hear the more progressive views of the Jedi. And it occurred to him that he would likely encounter that reaction a lot throughout the day. Between the holonet news and the rumor train, views on the Jedi were as varied and mysterious as Coruscant itself. He hoped to change that.

“Uncle Owen! Look at this,” Luke called, and Anakin let him rejoin the rest of the group as Luke pointed out places and things as they moved the tour throughout the temple. 

—

On the second level, they met up with Bail, Breha and Ahsoka. As introductions were made all around, it was Leia’s turn to lead the tour and they all continued along as a big group while Anakin and Ahsoka followed a few steps behind.

“How do you think it’s going?” She asked him, slipping an arm around his waist.

“I’m feeling a lot of positive energy.” He replied resting his arm around her shoulders. “People seem excited about the changes and getting to be a part of it.”

“Indeed,” Ahsoka responded. “It’s different, but it feels good. Like we’re finally doing something right, you know?”

“Yeah, I do.” He said squeezing her closer.

“How do you feel about Leia’s choice to join the government leadership academy rather than finish her Jedi training?” She asked him.

“I think it’s the right choice for her. I admit I would have loved to see her as a Jedi knight, just like Luke, but her strategy and leadership skills far surpass my own. I think she’ll make a brilliant general.”

“Me too,” Ahsoka replied. “And of course, she’ll still have some classes here, so it’s not like we won’t ever see her.”

“True.” Anakin replied.

“Hello there,” Callista said as her and her husband Geith came through a door on their right.

“Callista! It’s so good to see you!” Ahsoka said excitedly and embraced her.

“It’s been too long,” her friend said. “You remember Geith?”

“Of course, how are you both?” Ahsoka asked, shaking his hand.

“We’re doing well,” Geith replied in a deep voice. “Have you met our daughter, Karmen yet?” He asked indicating a tall thin, red headed girl behind them.

“I have not. How do you do?” Ahsoka asked.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Karmen curtsied.

“Karmen is a Jedi marriage counselor and officiator now.” Callista said proudly. “Which I know was something you weren’t very comfortable with a long long time ago.” She giggled.

“Ah yes… well time certainly changes things,” Ahsoka said squeezing Anakin’s hand. He smiled back at her. “Is master Altis and the others still alive?”

“I’m afraid not,” Geith said sadly. “We’re all that’s left of the Altisian Jedi.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that. But I’m hoping that all those that were lost will find a home here forevermore.” Ahsoka replied. “Both in flesh and spirit.”

“I’m certain Master Altis would be pleased to see the Jedi order now. I know you weren’t so open minded when you were just a padawan, though I can’t say I blame you. It’s hard to break tradition.” Callista commented.

“Ain’t that the truth?” Ahsoka replied. “I guess it took life forcing us to change perspectives to figure out what was wrong with our traditions.”

Callista smiled. “Well, we should get going, Karmen wants to see the gardens.”

“Of course,” Anakin nodded to them. “See you around!”

Anakin and Ahsoka caught up with the rest of their group.


	27. Chapter 27

“So there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you,” Anakin said. As he and Ahsoka were cuddled together on the sofa watching the sunrise in their little apartment. It was their new routine. Some of the only time they really got to spend together alone throughout the day. Luke was still asleep in his room. Once at the temple, they all had to go their own ways. Ahsoka often worked with the younglings that were getting ready for the gathering. And he taught several lightsaber technique courses for the older students. When classes were done for the day, they’d pick up Leia at the leadership academy and all go out to dinner. But early mornings were their time. At least when they were both home.

“Hmm?” Ahsoka responded, her body warm against his. It had been weird to adjust to a simpler, more routine lifestyle. But they got to go off on missions occasionally that helped relieve the boredom. Although it had taken some adjustment, he enjoyed it. Things were nice, for a change. After so many years of torture and pain and loss, their new quiet life was welcome.

“When we were on Rothana, the Kaminoans told me they had the technology to give me real limbs again.”

“Oh really?” She asked sitting up and looking at him with her bright blue eyes. Flecks of gold in them from the morning light.

“Yeah,” he said screwing up his face in concentration. “They said they could grow a clone of me so I can use its body parts. They said it might even be possible to do a skin graft and get rid of some of these horrible scars.”

She put her hand on his knee. “Are you wanting your old face back?” She asked curiously.

“Wouldn’t you?” He countered. He didn’t want to fight with her, but he’d been thinking about it for awhile now. The idea of having real workable limbs again, smoother skin, even hair… it definitely appealed to him. He was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing his miserable ugly reflection staring back. At first it had felt like a fair punishment for all he’d done, but now that things were so different, he hated the reminder. Sometimes it felt like with this face, he’d slip back into his bad ways. It shouldn’t be like that, he knew it was a silly thought, but when he looked at it, it was if he saw his evil twin staring back at him. And it made him feel like maybe the good one wasn’t really in control.

“Well… probably,” she replied cautiously. “But Anakin… growing a whole other human just to dissect it for parts sounds so barbaric!” She sounded just like Padmé. Why did he keep forgetting they’d been such good friends?

“It’s not like it will ever know what’s going on! It’ll probably just float in a tank until they’re ready for the pieces. If that’s all it’s bred for, it will never have a life you’ll be taking it from.” He said earnestly, willing her to understand what this meant to him. But she still seemed unconvinced.

“Be careful you don’t say anything like that around Rex.” She said seriously.

“This is different!” He exclaimed with some annoyance.

“Is it?” She said standing up and pacing a little. “I understand, Anakin. I do! But… I just want you to be thoughtful of what you’re proposing.” She stopped long enough to look at him again. “I mean it’s one thing if they’re just growing body parts, but to grow a whole human just to take away it’s arms and legs?” She shuddered involuntarily and resumed pacing.

Anakin had hoped she’d respond better to the idea than this. “Don’t you want your future husband to be handsome again?” He said manipulatively.

She stopped mid-step and turned towards him. “Is that what this is all about?” She knelt down in front of him and took his hands in hers. “Anakin,” she breathed, he couldn’t look directly at her. “I love you just the way you are…” but before she could say more, Anakin pushed her away and stood up. It was his turn to pace. He could see her watching him out of the corner of his eye. She had rocked back on her heels, a mixture of pity and concern across her pretty features.

“But I don’t…” he whispered at last, anger falling away to despair.

Their conversation was interrupted by pounding on the apartment door. It was so loud that Luke stumbled out of his room bewildered.

“Now who could that be at this hour?” Anakin asked pulling himself back together and headed to the door. Whoever it was pounded again before he got to it.

“Open up in there! This is the police!” A voice boomed through the door. Anakin looked back at Ahsoka concerned and then opened the door.

“Can I help you?” He asked.

“Are you Anakin Skywalker?” The officer replied.

“Yes,” he answered.

“You’re under arrest for war crimes against the Republic!”

“What? No!” Luke yelled from behind him as several officers pushed through the door and cuffed him. He didn’t fight it. He glanced over his shoulder at his son’s face, as Ahsoka put her arms around him to stop Luke from running into the mix.

“It’s okay, Luke. It’ll be okay. We all knew this day would come.” He said as the police escorted him out the door and into an armored transport.

“No!” He heard Luke wail as the doors closed between them.

–-

Anakin fiddled his mechanical thumbs as he waited in a cell to be called to trial before the Republic senate. He had always known sooner or later that he’d have to face a much larger punishment for everything he’d done, but with everything going so well, for awhile… he’d allowed himself to forget about it.

He’d heard the guards talking and figured out that they’d finally captured Tarkin so all the imperials were being tried at the same time. It felt weird to think he qualified as one of them now that he felt so different, but he knew he did.

Ahsoka had been by to visit him, but they hadn’t let them talk long. He felt like he was letting her down. So many promises of the future felt like they’d been thrown off the tower in an instant. He didn’t know how the trial would go, but he knew he was guilty and there was no point pleading otherwise.

—

“And last, but not least, Anakin Skywalker.” Gasps sounded all around the room as Chancellor Mothma said his name. As far as the majority of the public knew, the hero with no fear had died at the end of the Clone Wars. Only a select few from the rebellion and the new Jedi order knew he was still alive. Nobody had expected him to be standing here in front of them again, especially on trial. He had liked it that way, so he’d kept his head down upon returning to Coruscant. “You have been accused of war crimes; for treason against the Republic senate, for treason against the Jedi and for the deaths of thousands including civilians and children. How do you plead?” The chancellor continued, ignoring the whispers in the crowd.

“Guilty, your excellency.” Anakin replied with a bow.

“Is there anything you’d like to say before the charges are read?”

“No. I deserve to be punished for the things I’ve done.”

“I have something to say.” Came a familiar voice from the side of the room.

“The court recognizes grand master Kenobi of the new Jedi order. Anakin looked up as his old master was illuminated.

"I’ve fought by his side since he was a small boy. He gave selflessly to protect everything he believed in. And even after all the crimes he is being charged for, he still selflessly fought to restore the Republic to its glory. He has made mistakes, as have we all. But the Jedi order is as guilty as him. He became a product of his environment; he was given too much responsibility with too little support. The tragic losses lie not just on his shoulders, but on all of ours. The deeds he has done to redeem for his mistakes should not be discounted. The new Jedi order stands by his side and motions for a pardon.” Obi wan sat down when he had finished speaking. Anakin could only gape at him.

Bail stood up. “The court recognizes Senator Organa from Alderaan.” Chancellor Mothma said.

“Anakin Skywalker is a true hero. He faced horrors most of us can hardly imagine. He fought bravely and his strategy and insight allowed us to crush the Empire and free the Republic from its oppressive grasp. After years of trying on our own, it was he that turned the tide. The Grand Republic and the new Jedi order have risen again due to his actions. He saved Alderaan from collapse, destroyed our tyrannical Emperor, helped finish off the most dangerous weapon we’ve ever encountered. And he has saved millions of lives both during the Clone Wars and after his fall. Alderaan stands by his side and motions for a pardon.” Anakin was in shock as Bail finished speaking.

The whispers around him got louder and louder. “Order! Order!” Chancellor Mothma exclaimed. The crowd fell silent. “It is time to put it to vote. All in favor of a full pardon, say aye.” To Anakin’s surprise, there was a chorus of voices exclaiming aye from all sides. “If you believe him guilty, say nay.” There was a handful spattered around the room, but not even close to the number of ayes. “The ayes have it. By the power of this court, Anakin Skywalker receives a full pardon for any crimes committed in our time of war.” The crowd cheered. Anakin could only stand there frozen, even as the guards removed his binders. He glanced up at the chancellor and she nodded just slightly. Luke and Leia were the first to race to the platform to embrace him. Ahsoka wasn’t far behind. As he exited still overwhelmed, people came up to him and shook his hands saying things to him, but he was too numb to fully appreciate any of it.

When he caught sight of Obi wan he weaved through the crowd to catch him. “Why?” He asked blankly.

“We weren’t there for Ahsoka when she went through her trial. We weren’t there for you when you needed us before. The least we could do, is be here for you now.” Obi wan replied simply.

Anakin threw his arms around his old master and held him tight. Crying on his shoulder as if he was still a child. Obi wan hugged him back, and for the first time in all the years he’d known him, his master didn’t hold back his affection.

“Besides,” Obi wan whispered so only Anakin could hear him. “How would it look if one of the council members of the new Jedi order was sentenced for war crimes?” Anakin pulled back to see Obi wan smirking.

“Very funny,” Anakin responded. Obi wan just winked at him and then patted Ahsoka on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” he said to her. “Truly sorry, that we did not give you the same support during your trial.”

“Thank you,” she said with a nod. Anakin sensed she wanted to say more, but didn’t. Anakin sincerely hoped this wouldn’t be something she’d come to resent. She gave him a reassuring smile and he was soon distracted by other well wishers.

Chancellor Mothma approached him. “May I see you, Miss Tano and Master Kenobi in my office, please?” She asked softly.

The three of them nodded and followed her. Once alone, she turned to speak to them.

“I am relieved that this is the outcome of the trial, however, I will ask one favor of you; I know the new Jedi order is now a separate entity from the Republic, but may I trust you to keep me informed of internal affairs as much as possible? I admit I am quite ignorant when it comes to what Jedi do, but in hopes of preventing further incidents like this… I see my need to know as quite, necessary.” She said.

Obi wan stroked his beard thoughtfully.

“The main reason we wish to be free from political influence is so that the same mistakes are not repeated,” Anakin spoke first. “The way we were drawn into the war in such a manner was how we lost sight of our beliefs.”

“The new Jedi order is meant to be a place of healing and teaching. One that focuses on a better self and a better galaxy.” Ahsoka said.

“But as with anything, there can always be corruption. And we would be glad to continue our close relationship with the Republic on one condition,” Obi wan said.

“That we are not guilted into roles we wish not to play. We will provide relief and services in any way we can to assist the Republic, but we will also exist as our own body. We may send knights to assist your armies on war torn planets, but we will no longer be Commanders or Generals.” Ahsoka finished. “We will work to stop injustices both internal and external. And in those cases, we will gladly keep you apprised.”

“I believe that is more than fair.” Chancellor Mothma stated. “Thank you very much.”

–-

Anakin stood nervously near the fountain in the courtyard of the newly reconstructed Jedi temple on Coruscant. He adjusted his robes, trying to relax and breathe. Off to the side sat Obi wan and Yoda. It had been a shock to discover Master Yoda was still alive. And though he was glad, his presence here right now only added to his nerves.

Soft music started playing and he looked up as the gathered crowd stood. Luke and Leia walked towards him both with crowns of flowers and looking fine in their dress robes. He smiled at them but then froze. Several paces behind them walked Ahsoka. Her dress was much simpler than Padmé’s had been, but the high collared style with a sheer off shoulder shawl contrasted beautifully with the gold and silver jewelry that bedecked her montrals. She was breathtakingly beautiful. It was hard to believe how far they’d come.

They were once like brother and sister, running around the galaxy annoying each other while saving the day. Life had taken them down long and arduous paths apart and together. Both of them had barely survived it. But now, they were here, witnessing the rebirth of the Republic and the Jedi order. Together. As best friends, as lovers and soon to be as husband and wife. To get a second chance at love would never diminish what Padmé had meant to him, but his relationship with Ahsoka was one of trust and respect. Something he’d never been able to fully give Padmé; both from circumstances outside his control and within his control.

Ahsoka reached out her hand and he took it with his new flesh one, smiling at her, blowing his hair out of his eyes so he could look at her. She returned his grin. As Karmen, their officiator, started speaking, he leaned in and teasingly asked her if she was having second thoughts. She just winked at him with a mischievous smile. And then finished her vows a few minutes later with, “just like I told you the first day we met, ‘you’re stuck with me, Skyguy!’” The crowd laughed as she moved like she was going to playfully punch him. But instead she grabbed the front of his tunic in her hand and pulled him down in a kiss.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, Snips.” He breathed as he enveloped her into another kiss. Their friends cheered as the music started playing and they took each other’s hands to walk back down the aisle into their new lives.

His heart, for the first time in his life, was full of something other than fear. He glanced without thinking to the old grandmaster of the Jedi. Master Yoda looked at him intently and then half smiled, showing his pointy teeth. He figured it was the closest thing he’d ever get in the way of approval from him. It was enough.

At the end of the aisle he pulled Ahsoka, Luke and Leia into a big hug. Huddled together there, time felt like it slowed to a crawl. He looked over his kids’ heads to the steps and saw the faintest blue outline of what looked like Padmé. His breath caught in his throat. He felt Ahsoka squeeze his shoulder and he saw that she was looking in the same direction. The specter of his former wife smiled at him and then vanished. He felt peace… as though… she was giving him permission to move on. He missed her dearly. But though he could never bring her back, he finally understood that she lived in him. She lived in all of them. And in some ways, that made her closer than ever.

He turned and kissed his new bride on the forehead. She looked up at him. Her eyes told him what he needed to hear. That it was okay to still love Padmé. It was possible to love them both.


End file.
